at least i got closure- what do you think?

[juicy79]

I wrote earlier about my long term relationship of 2.5 years which my boyf dumped me over the email and then went into NC for over 2.5 weeks, even though id wrote him a letter, texts and emails.

 

Well, i decided i needed proper closure and why he did that. So, i knocked down to his place on saturday night. he opened the door and looked quite a bit off guard and disappointed with himself. he invited me in. I asked him why he had ignored me, he didnt have much of clear answer and said it didnt matter really as it was over. he said he still loves me, always did, but we need to move on. It was tough hearing that. He wouldnt touch me. i put my arms around him , he didnt push me away but didnt respond too much just sighed. I told him i was really disappointed how he had handled things and i hadnt been well at all.

 

He then start saying there was no other way, we arent right people for each other and i was 'dangerous' for him. He said he cant be friends as he has too many feelings for me(clearly not the right ones anymore) and he doesnt want to hear about me being with someone else. I apologised for what i did, but he said its over and i cried, i hung around longer than i should have and he asked me to 'please leave'. He also told me maybe 'its better i should go home to my own country' to help me heal! i think that was more for his own benefit. he said that i 'shouldnt settle for 2nd best' and seek a guy that he was at the start of the relationship (kind, good etc) and to take care.

I then realised it wasnt going anywhere and left, shut the door behind me.

I was disgusted at how robotic and cold he was. i dont know why he had to do it that way, it was like he was on 'automatic, even brainwash mode'.

 

I left feeling so bad, but at least i knew, could of been months agonising. all weekend i couldnt sleep and eat. I had access to his email recently (which i know wasnt right but seems he is toying around with dating website). I wrote him an angry email on sunday. I know i shouldnt, but i wanted to let him know im not desperate to be friends and he can go get a ready made doormat from a website. I expected better treatment than that after 2.5 years. To be that bad and someone just dispose of you like rubbish. I am so angry. I let him know exactly what i think. He clearly doesnt want to hear what sort of person he is cos he emailed me back saying 'you said your piece, just leave it now'. Not even an apology.

 

He has changed his email now, so i cant be tempted to look in and im glad, but he knew that I knew he was looking on dating websites, i think he is ashamed of himself. i hope he is.

 

How do i heal from this? Is it just me or was that nasty or what?

Im so angry but think this anger makes me want to survive.

[juicy79]

oh,to add to that. i still love him and i dont know why.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I went through your other post and people did caution you not to contact him again. You have done more harm than good by running over there, pretty much begging for another chance and then getting hostile in retaliation. You acknowledged in your previous thread that you were largely responsible for why the relationship didn't work...you said you wanted to change...and yet what you just did going to his place, invading his privacy, and then lashing out in an email (which actually does not show him that you are not desperate for his friendship, it shows quite the opposite) doesn't sound like a person who is trying to change. He had not responded to your previous email declaring you feelings for him so you should have just let it go. He will now remember you as this hostile, angry person which will just solidify his decision to keep away from you. You really need to get a grip on yourself and work on your own issues or else you will just repeat the same behaviours in the next relationship and drive that person away.

[juicy79]

i know you are right. ive started counselling. I did love him so much but i needed to know

[postscript]

i don't have too much advice unfortunately but i know what you mean about the "cold robotic" part.

my partner has always had troubles talking. he can't talk to his mother, he can't talk to his closest friends, he could rarely ever open up to me - and he's had a lot of troubles and problems in his life - a lot of baggage.

i talk to him frequently about the problems in his relationship and he is always exactly that -- cold and robotic.

like talking to a brick wall.

if you're going to get that sort of response, someone unable to open up to you then it is best to go NC. they will talk to you if they need to.

otherwise, go NC and think about yourself. make yourself happy. get on with your life - anything is totally possible when you apply yourself to it.

NC is freaking hard, yes, but the rewards are awesome.

[juicy79]

thanks so much for the advice. I just feel like a caged animal and i shouldnt have sent an angry email but i guess i felt so wounded and needed to 'fight back' instead of letting it go. I have apologised to him for lashing out and now im going to leave him alone.

 

I know if he wanted to talk to me in time he will. i just feel so so bad inside.

[Landon]

a lot of people on here feel exactly what you feel, your not alone trust me, and when he wants to contact you he will, like you said leave him alone, start thinking about yourself instead of him, take this as a learning experience and make sure this never happens again. Good luck and keep us all updated

[wtm78]

Im so angry but think this anger makes me want to survive.

 

you are right... the anger will help you to survive...

[juicy79]

I know i shouldnt be angry but when i wasnt, i just moped around all day , not eating, sleeping, punishing myself. But i have to survive. I need to. I got angry becuase i tried so much and all i wanted was a response and when i got it, it wasnt what i wanted to hear- at ALL! I thought he might have it in him to go again but he doesnt

[wtm78]

dont beat yourself you.. it is natural to be angry... i am in the angry state also... its part of healing.. and you are on your way there...