part success story, part melancholia

[spazmy]

Hi folks. It has been such a long while since I posted.

 

Things have been good in general. One year after the breakup, I healed and have improved considerably both professionally and also emotionally. I no longer think of my ex, even though we are still forced to interact in the workplace owing to professional commitments.

 

As goes my ex. She has since gone on into major depression -- has had her new boyfriend also develop sever symptoms of insomnia (he seems to have had these issues from before the time he dated her). They are still together. I do not know how they fare personally -- nor do I wish to know. All I know is that she tried very desperately to contact me a month ago and has since been the one making all communication. She kept saying she is severely depressed and wanted to know if at all I had loved her in any way. My response to this of course was to tell her that I no longer love her and that I love her friend -- and that is where my heart lies even though the two of us are not together. I forgave my ex for cheating on me, but am not at all prepared to take her back, not only because I do not know how she will be in the future, but also because I have been in love with her friend.

 

Her friend, for her part sent mixed signals. Not excessive or anything -- just the random "I am well" and I would like to attend your presentations kind of stuff. That was a while ago, and there has been no communication between us since.

 

Sometime after her last communication, I wrote to her suggesting that I wanted to not pursue her at this time since my ex will be hurt -- but at the same time, made it clear to her that I did feel for her, and will try and get over her.

 

I have since been busy with work and am handling myself well. I have a great new job which begins in the fall -- I will be teaching in college for a year in a town that is about forty minutes from where I am now. Perhaps some time later, when I have shifted over to that town, and have settled in and been teaching for a while, I will get in touch with the girl I love again.

 

For now, I just feel a bit melancholic -- I have a few odd moments when I remember my ex (who on the other hand, is clearly not entirely over me even though she is with another -- but I believe, over time, this too will come to pass and she will be fine, eventually).

 

I think of the other girl often. I do believe in not giving up on her. I am in no rush to hook up with anybody since I am so busy with writing and teaching. So, in a sense, I feel I am preparing to fight for her when the time is right and when I can truly say that I will be prepared one way or the other for how things turn out.

 

 

to all of you who have not moved on or are struggling -- just know that time heals. It also brings out the truth in most cases. And in the cases where the truth is never out, you will learn you are better off not knowing it since it will bring a huge amount of pain and responsibility with it.

 

Give things time.

 

And you will heal.

 

I did. And I continue to. With help from all of you friends of course

 

Also, in the final analysis -- always try and find the one person whom you love the most -- and stick by them through thick or thin. Even if it is rejection, at least give it your best. Do whatever it takes NC, etc. etc. -- but do what is necessary only for someone whom you think is worthy of your love. Look for somebody who is mature and somebody who is ethical. That, i the end, is all that counts.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

A very inspiring post. It sounds like you have done a lot of healing and it sounds like karma came back to bite your ex on the butt. I am sorry things have so far not worked out with that other woman...but you never know what the future holds.

[servedcold]

Congratulations on the progress and the new job, your post is an inspiration!

[emalkoc]

I think people who suffer and being dumpee should listen what you are saying.

 

It takes time and good learning yourself and letting go!

 

At the end, you become winner and learn from past mistakes and experience and enjoy better future...

 

Good luck

 

Eric

[NorthDallas40]

Great post Spazmy. All of us should look on the bright side and handle things with dignity like you have. Best of luck with the new job & (hopefully in the future) the new girl!

[dreamguy]

Glad to know you're on the road to complete recovery.

Keep moving forward.

[spazmy]

Thanks so much everybody. It was lovely to see so many old friends gather together. I will keep you informed on any developments. For now, love has taken a backseat -- and that is a nice place to put it given how occupied I am. What is nice is that I feel like my old self, and this is precisely what my ex wants to be with -- as do others. But neither am I ready for a relationship because I want to experience the happiness of being alone, being productive, and, ultimately, only be with somebody on my own terms -- and believe me, that I think it isn't impossible. Once you recover from loss, you find yourself strong and also, that much more keen on being assertive over what YOU really want. Furthermore, that is what makes YOU attractive in the eyes of others.

 

I also wanted to tell many of you who are going through pain, always have a healthy combination of what others tell you and what your mind tells you, when you go about dealing with hurt and loss. Do not give more than the necessary amount of importance to either. Because, ultimately, no matter what anybody else says, it is you who has to come to terms with the past and understand where you stand in relation with it.

 

By the same coin, also, every once in a while, listen to what others say. Take it in, think deeply about it -- and keep it by you. When your own logic fails you, rely on the counsels of others.

 

 

Keep alternating between the two -- and finally, the right path will emerge.

 

And yes, do not sidestep the pain. It is most important to feel it. Even if it seems unbearable at the moment, go through it. Do not cheat yourself of this struggle. Otherwise, you will never get over the past and will always keep living a "what if" life.

 

You will be fine. I gaurantee. Keep moving on. Things will fall into place -- and before you know it, what is right and good for you will come by -- be it your ex (or at least a better and more humane version of the ex) or somebody new.

 

Simple truth in life. If you do not wait for anything, life waits for you. And by life I mean the love of people, success, happiness and fulfilment in some form or the other. Think of the good of others, and you will find contentment within yourself. If the happiness of others lies in letting them go, then do it. And in the long run, the happier you will be of it

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, I can't give you rep points because I have to spread it around..but that was a very lovely post and all of it so true.