either way

[do it]

Ive been reading these boards for about a few hours, I'm thinking its time to end my life. I think of suicide at least 10 times a week.

 

Let me tell a bit about myself im 20 years old male, I still live with my parents not by choice because of economically i cannot support myself, i work 5-6 days a week full time, My family comes from a long line of depression from both sides of my family. I went to a therapist but I don't think they can help me i know what depression is a chemical inbalance blah blah blah i took some pills they gave me but they still don't seem to work. I took some psychology classes in school to understand my family and myself a bit more. My brother tried to kill himself a few years ago and my sister tried overdosing on pills both unsuccessful but we don't talk about suicide in my family that much.

 

I want to be strong for my family and not show myself being depressed and * * * * but I try to act like im happy because my family has enough problems. But my moods go from happy to sad very quickly and i don't show these feelings to anyone. The worst part about is thinking how I will kill myself, I own a few guns but never loaded one to end my life yet. Sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror and just cry. I tried to cut myself a few times but told everyone i was drunk and tried to jump off a balcony. Also i think about if and when i do commit suicide who will find my body.

 

I do enjoy life sometimes, but it just seems like all i do don't make a difference i have felt like this for some time probley since i was about 13, I tried to explain to close people in my life the way I feel and they don't seem too concerned. I haven't actually tried to commit suicide yet, but I feel like maybe its the best choice for me. I know im very young and have the whole world in front of me but I just don't know if i can live this life for much longer.

 

I just might do it and end it, I know of the stories about how people failed in their attempts of suicide but im pretty sure i can figure out a foolproof way.

[cs90453]

I don't think that ending your life is the answer. You should tell someone you know that is close to you and tell them what you are feeling. Is there something in particular in your life that's making you depressed? I know that there is depression in families and that has to be tough to endure. Might I suggest that you go back to a doctor and explain the situation? Maybe the pills you took aren't the right ones and maybe they will prescribe you something that can help you? Don't end your life.. come back here and talk if you like.

[just M.E.]

When I was younger than you, I thought like you a lot, maybe thought about it more often than you, but I didn't do it ....

 

Now I am 56 and have a beautiful daughter, a beautiful granddaughter and another grandchild on the way, plus I have grown closer to my parents than at any time in my life. If I had done anything like you talk about I would never have this life I love and the wonderful daughter.

 

I want to live to 100. So please don't assume that what you feel right now, you will always feel. The best thing is finding a way to work through what you feel, therapy, counseling, sensible friends or someone in your family. Posting helps but only if you are finding positive people to communicate with.

 

Suicide is a very permanent solution for a temporary problem.