Mixed Signals... Ugh...

[ilovethatgirl]

Well, after only a brief period, me and my (technically) ex-girlfriend are talking again. We're all laughs and smiles just like we were before, almost as if the breakup never happened.

 

She has told me that a lot of the reason she actually broke up wasn't because she didn't want to be with me anymore. Mostly it was because I became kind of needy, always wanting to know where she was going, who she was with, worrying when she wasn't home at the same time she was the day before. She's right: I DID do that, unconsciously perhaps, but I still did. From what I gather that was only about a quarter of the reason, though - most of her stress derived from us being in a long-distance relationship. She said she is completely willing to try again once I visit over the summer, but after talking for a while, we both agreed that we might try it again before the summer.

 

Since then, I've had to step around certain things very carefully. I always have to catch myself when we say goodbye to keep from saying, "I love you", and I have to pay close attention so I call her by her name instead of "honey".

 

Then, just this Sunday, we were talking, and she began talking about over the summer, about... *coughs delicately* certain plans we made... for example, sex, and apparently I am going bra shopping with her. She talked about, erm, how sexy her bras were, and how she didn't want to lose them, but she might when I "rip them off and throw them accross the room". For that hour-long phone call, it was like nothing had happened at all. We talked about everything we would do over the summer, like have sex, apparently she is taking me shopping, and (again, apparently) she is going to fix my fashion problems we're going to go on movie dates, and so on.

 

Then this morning, I couldn't help myself, I asked directly: "if I said I loved you, would you say you love me too?" She said she didn't know, probably not. She said she didn't know if she loved me. It wasn't mean, the way she said it, she wasn't confirming the break-up... she only said it because I asked.

 

But now I'm getting mixed signals. She'll talk about everything we're going to do, she'll talk about sex and dating with each other, but she won't tell me she loves me or officially "take me back", even though our conversations are basically as though nothing happened.

 

I'm afraid to push the issue, because if I do, I might push her farther away from me, and my chance to get my honey back will be gone.

 

Anything, anything, you guys can tell me to help, would be greatly appreciated. I'm frozen - I can't do anything, I can't decide what to do. I'm distracting myself with working out (the pain in my arms and stomach tells me clearly that my body doesn't appreciate this sudden onset of work), throwing myself into trying to find a job, and working hard on my homework, but I can't hide from it forever.

 

I need help... and I know where to come for the best help

[george237]

Just because someone wants to date you or even have sex with you doesn't mean they love you. She probably enjoys your company and wants to spend more time with you. I would not pressure her to say I love you or keep telling her you love her. You told her once when she feels the same way she will let you know.

[EyesOnThePrize]

However, at this time I wouldn't turn down someone who wanted to date me and have sex with me. In fact, I'd prefer that to being in love right now. But that's just me. lol.

[Litgirl01]

However, at this time I wouldn't turn down someone who wanted to date me and have sex with me. In fact, I'd prefer that to being in love right now. But that's just me. lol.

 

He is 16!! LOL

[ilovethatgirl]

It's not just WHAT we're talking about, it's how we are... when we talk, it honestly feels like nothing happened at all, at least until I need to stop myself from saying something. We talk with that same close familiarity that we only experienced when we were boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

Maybe, deep down, she does love me, but for whatever reason, she doesn't want those feelings to come out..? idk, I'm just spitballing.

[EyesOnThePrize]

He is 16!! LOL

 

I wasn't talking about him...just me! Hell, if someone had just wanted to date me and have sex with me at 16, that would have been great!

[DN]

"if I said I loved you, would you say you love me too?" She said she didn't know, probably not. She said she didn't know if she loved me.

Time to walk away. Find someone more decisive.

[pumpkinmoon]

Seems to me like she is willing to give it another chance but wants to take it slowly