Help!!help!!!help!!!

[holaluna213]

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, I was very much in love with him. He had been a very nice, tender, and lovely boyfriend. We have been in LDR since last sepetember, and after we get separated, he kept calling me at least 3 times a day and send me many emails despite he is a very busy businessman. However, since i went to visit him in Japan last month, he seemed quite distant, and I stayed there for 2 weeks, we just had one night spent together. (other days we will have dinner together and he will go back to his home) We planned to get married and he was the one who proposed. However, he seems do not even want to contact with me anymore. The day before yesterday, we quarrelled on something really not that important, and he stopped calling me and not sending me any email either. I read Dr.Gray`s book long time ago, and I knew at this time I should not make any phone call, just give him some space, however, I can not help. I really can not help. We planed a future together, and everything I am doing now is to be with him. I am in great pain now, I do not know how to go through this pain, no one even my family understand and help me.

 

I met him last year and he immediately started pursuing me. At first I was a bit uncomfortable however I realised that he was really in love with me, beside, he is such a great man in any perspective. When he realized that I have to come to the UK to study for a whole year, he was shocked but insisted that he would wait for me until I am back.

 

We then started LDR and everything was so good. He really makes me feel that I am loved. I have issues with abandonment and I feel that he started helping me realize that I could trust someone.

 

However, since last month, he started contact me less often, and his email, which was long and passionate before, becoming short and sometimes, even seems a bit cold to me.

 

When I went visiting him in Japan, I did one thing I regret for my whole life. He says that he want to me to go to Japan in Auguest, instead of June (which I planned). I thought hard on what I should do in summer so I would still be happy and fullfilled in that period. Then I think I would like to take a summer course in computing. I asked him would it be possible for me to borrow some money for the tuition, and after I have found work after my graduation, I will pay him back. He rejected, and he told me that if that is something I really want to do, then I should earn the money on my own.

 

Here I need to mention that he is usually a very generous man, and I have never asked any money from him in the past either. I agreed with what he said. However since it is impossible for me to earn that money at this time since this is my last semester in uni. I asked my parents and they say they would like to help me finacially with the summer course.

 

Then I told my boyfriend the decision that I would like to go to Italy for a month. He asked *does that mean we can not contact each other then?* I thought, even if I went to Italy I will still find ways to make phone call, and send email. But I was a little curious of what he thinks, and I said *well, may be. will you not feel lonely?* and he was very angry at me. He said that *you know I am not the type of guy who talks feeling all the time*(but he talked about his feelings all the time even before last month) and * you knew that i will feel lonely, yet you still make the decision of going*.

 

I asked him in email before about many choices i could do in the summer. There was no reply.

 

And after the quarrel, he stopped calling me. I made (shamefully) at least 10 calls to him yesterday. At first he did not reply, then in the night he turned his phone off (which he usually not do). I thought may be he won*t call me again, and in the morning, he called once and told me he would make another phone later. It has been nearly 24 hours and he did not.

 

I called him twice today and send him an email telling him how happy I am with him.

 

Am I wrong? I really can not be without him, especially at this stressful moment, if he left me, I do not know how to carry on. I have very low level of concentration now, and I can not eat. My body is in pain physically.

 

What is worse I can not find anyone to listen to me, so I come to this forum, Thank you very much for reading my long post and I really appreciate your advice.

[CaptainNapalm]

I would not be overly pushy with him at this point and just really give him some room to breathe. If he really cares for you he may just need a little space for a few weeks and he will start calling you again regularly. If you don't give him room to breathe he may just get frustrated and continue pushing you away and eventually snap and end it. 10 calls in one day is very excessive so for the next few weeks I would only return his call once for ever attempt he makes to call you and maybe send him an email every few days updating him on what you've been up to and telling him a few sweet words. But back away for a bit and don't box him in. I hope it all works out for you!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Unfortunately, most LDRs have a built in shelf life if you don't have plans to get together and live in the same area. People get tired of being alone and want someone local to spend time with, and it is easy to have misunderstandings due to the distance and more sparse communication.

 

It really sounds like he is pulling away, and it could be because he has met someone else, or because he just doesn't like the LDR and the feelings of loneliness etc.

 

So you need to talk to him after you've let it settle down a bit, and find out if he still sees you have a future together or any concrete plans to be together. Many LDRs just eventually fizzle out... i am sorry.