Best way to handle sex (disease risk) with new partner

[MrRight]

In case I have sex with new partner, I would use condo for sure in the beginning.

 

Then later I'd ask for AIDS exam results and I would stop using condo by then.

 

Is that the typical way people are doing these days?

[Batya33]

Never what I did. I would not be intimate with anyone who was not tested (condom or no) and who had abstained for at least 6 months before we were together so that the test would be accurate. Condoms are not foolproof enough for me.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yeah, I would always ask for the person to be tested. Even with a condom, STD's can still be transferred.

[Whiplash Girl Child]

Um, ideally? You'd demand that your partner get a blood test for as many STDs as possible BEFORE you have sex with them. You, of course, would need to get tested, too. Get the results on paper, go to each other's doctors, and share the results.

 

If you're both cleared of STDs, it doesn't mean that you can go out of control having sex w/o a condom on.

 

Did you know that condoms do NOT protect you completely against STDs?

 

Did you know that some STDs can take months to show up on a test (such as HIV)?

 

Or that STD tests are not always accurate?

 

Or that the presense of antibodies for a virus may not show up on a blood test b/c the person is very healthy? (A friend knew she had HSV b/c she had a culture done, got a blood test a couple of years later to find out which type of HSV she had, and the blood test came out negative . . . no antibodies for the virus showed up. But she knew she had it b/c she had a culture of it done when she went to the Dr. 2 yrs ago.)

 

There's no such thing as safe sex, even when you use condoms. Ok, maybe we can say that there IS such a thing as safER sex, but completely safe sex? Doesn't exist LOL.

 

Just be careful. It's great that you're thinking about this and being proactive in trying to live a safer sexual lifestyle

 

I don't mean to scare you off . . . just giving you a heads up.

[JadedStar]

In case I have sex with new partner, I would use condo for sure in the beginning.

 

Then later I'd ask for AIDS exam results and I would stop using condo by then.

 

Is that the typical way people are doing these days?

 

Hard to have sex wtih a condo between the two of you....lol. Kidding. I know you mean condom.

 

I agree with those who said they would be leary of sex even with a condom before getting STD checked. Even with a clean bill of health the condom shuold still be used for a good amount of time as you build trust in each other.

 

I think this should be common practice today in the dating world and anyone offended by being asked would be off my dating list in a hurry. If someone can't respect you more for being cautious all the more reason to not want to sleep wtih them at all as it shows carelessness.

[karvala]

Hard to have sex wtih a condo between the two of you

 

Brings a whole new meaning to adjoining door.

[Whiplash Girl Child]

I prefer townhouses, myself.

[Batya33]

Obviously you can use a condo to have sex. But not a flat.

[stella74]

It's best to get tested first. You can get tested when you first discuss the interest in being sexually intimate. Then you postpone sex until the results of the test would be valid. You have to wait 3-6 months for the test to be valid. For example, let's say you last had sex 3 months ago. You should wait another 2-3 months to get tested.

 

Unless you are absolutely sure your partner is not having sex with anyone else, you should keep using a condom to prevent the risk of STDs and HIV.

 

Here's info from the Nat. HIV and STD Testing Resources from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention:

link removed

 

It says this:

"Ninety seven percent will develop antibodies in the first 3 months following the time of their infection. In very rare cases, it can take up to 6 months to develop antibodies to HIV."

 

Also:

"Your HIV test result reveals only your HIV status. Your negative test result does not indicate whether or not your partner has HIV. HIV is not necessarily transmitted every time you have sex. thereforeeee, your taking an HIV test should not be seen as a method to find out if your partner is infected. Ask your partner if he or she has been tested for HIV and what risk behaviors he or she has engaged in, both currently and in the past. Think about getting tested together. It is important to take steps to reduce your risk of getting HIV. Not having (abstaining from) sex is the most effective way to avoid HIV. If you choose to be sexually active, having sex with one person who only has sex with you and who is uninfected is also effective. If you are not sure that both you and your partner are HIV negative, use a latex condom to help protect both you and your partner from HIV and other STDs. Studies have shown that latex condoms are very effective, though not 100%, in preventing HIV transmission when used correctly and consistently. If either partner is allergic to latex, plastic (polyurethane) condoms for either the male or female can be used."

[Whiplash Girl Child]

Obviously you can use a condo to have sex. But not a flat.

 

Why not? (Curious.)

[Batya33]

Why not? (Curious.)

 

It was a joke -- "flat" referring to, um, man not being able to perform.

 

Thank goodness bad jokes/puns are permitted on this forum. Whew.

[JadedStar]

I see that my reference to his condo remark led to a series of equally bad jokes. HEEHEE

 

Thank goodness i am not all alone! LOL

[Lily04]

It's best to get tested first. You can get tested when you first discuss the interest in being sexually intimate. Then you postpone sex until the results of the test would be valid. You have to wait 3-6 months for the test to be valid. For example, let's say you last had sex 3 months ago. You should wait another 2-3 months to get tested.

 

that seems a bit excessive, i think... why do you have to wait 3-6 months for results?? esp. if you're just in the beginning stages of a relationship...NOT many people would delay sex for 6 months to get results, that just seems entirely unrealistic. In the "modern world" most people have sex after 4-5 dates... shouldn't the medical profession sort of respect modern norms and adapt appropriately? it's putting people at risk, as a result...

[Lily04]

Also, I would ask if they have an STD and wouldn't necessarily put off sex for that long if they say they're clean and recently tested...

[JadedStar]

that seems a bit excessive, i think... why do you have to wait 3-6 months for results?? esp. if you're just in the beginning stages of a relationship...NOT many people would delay sex for 6 months to get results, that just seems entirely unrealistic. In the "modern world" most people have sex after 4-5 dates... shouldn't the medical profession sort of respect modern norms and adapt appropriately? it's putting people at risk, as a result...

 

Lily some STD's are latent and if you are tested right after being exposed it might not show up for a few months. has little to do with the medical profession adapting...some diseases just do not take hold right away.

 

The only thing putting people at risk is lacodasical views on approaching sex and protection. the medical profession is not putting anyone at risk. Some tests just do not detect things early on if the disease has not manifested itself yet.

[Lily04]

Lily some STD's are latent and if you are tested right after being exposed it might not show up for a few months. has little to do with the medical profession adapting...some diseases just do not take hold right away.

 

The only thing putting people at risk is lacodasical views on approaching sex and protection. the medical profession is not putting anyone at risk. Some tests just do not detect things early on if the disease has not manifested itself yet.

 

Jaded, do most people, do you think wait 6 months to find out the results of a test? i think most people wait 1-2 months at most... so the medical profession IS putting people at risk

[JadedStar]

Jaded, do most people, do you think wait 6 months to find out the results of a test? i think most people wait 1-2 months at most... so the medical profession IS putting people at risk

 

How is the medical profession putting people at risk? If the disease is latent and has not manifested how is a test going to pick it up? She didn't say wait six months to find out a test result, or at least I dont think she did. She means wait six months and get retested to see if anything is now showing up.

 

Waiting that long is for people who are serious about their sexual health.

 

No one HAS to wait that long, or they could get tested and be careful with condoms, but what stella is saying is if you want to be very sure and safe waiting six months is the best bet.

[Lily04]

I see... Jaded, can you check my other thread btw? about the guy who I said I just wanted to be friends with? no one has yet responded to my last post on that... since a few hrs. ago... thanks

[Batya33]

No - you don't wait for the results, you have to wait to get tested so that the test is accurate - which requires 3-6 months after the person was last active. so if you meet someone who hasn't been active in several months, you don't have to wait long. I've always waited, so have my partners, not unrealistic at all. I know there are people who are comfortable with using a condom to decrease the risk prior to testing. I am not one of those people.

[Lily04]

No - you don't wait for the results, you have to wait to get tested so that the test is accurate - which requires 3-6 months after the person was last active. so if you meet someone who hasn't been active in several months, you don't have to wait long. I've always waited, so have my partners, not unrealistic at all. I know there are people who are comfortable with using a condom to decrease the risk prior to testing. I am not one of those people.

 

you know what... I'm sort of glad that I didn't have sex with my last bf then... he said he had between 10-20 sexual partners (and he's 23), and the last person he had sex with was some random maid at a hotel!!! so who knows... it wasn't a serious relationship either... I mean, condoms are near 99% safe at preventing diseases though right?? SO I might have been OK... but since I didn't ask that he get tested before we started hanging out at each other's places, I could be on here complaining about an STD instead of other things lol... maybe it was ultimately good luck I ended up too sick that night to take it further..

[Batya33]

Condoms are not 99% effective - more like 85%. The pill, taken properly, is about 99% effective at preventing pregnancy.

[Lily04]

Condoms are not 99% effective - more like 85%. The pill, taken properly, is about 99% effective at preventing pregnancy.

 

I thought condoms were near 99% effective in preventing pregnancy... or was that STDs? I should google..

[Batya33]

Neither one. From a planned parenthood web site:

 

Condoms (male and female)

 

How it works: Condoms collect semen and prevent sperm from entering the vagina. The male condom is rolled onto the erect penis. The female condom fits into the back wall of the vagina and covers the inside vaginal walls and outer vulva area. Condoms may be used with spermicides to increase effectiveness.

 

Effectiveness: Male condom 85 - 98%, Female condom 79 - 95%

[Lily04]

K I did a quick search... from this site (link removed):

 

Condoms Are Effective in Preventing Unintended or Unwanted Pregnancy.

 

• In one year, only two of every 100 couples who use condoms consistently and correctly will experience an unintended pregnancy—two pregnancies arising from an estimated 8,300 acts of sexual intercourse, for a 0.02 percent per-condom pregnancy rate.[link removed]
  
• In one year with perfect use (meaning couples use condoms consistently and correctly at every act of sex), 98 percent of women relying on male condoms will remain pregnancy free. With typical use, 85 percent relying on male condoms will remain pregnancy free.[link removed]
  
• In one year with perfect use, 95 percent of women relying on the female condom will remain pregnancy free. With typical use, 79 percent relying on female condoms will remain pregnancy free.[link removed]
  
• By comparison, only 15 percent of women using no method of contraception in a year will remain pregnancy free.[link removed]

Condoms Are Effective Barriers.

 

• The condom—latex or polyurethane, male or female—is the only technology available to prevent the sexual transmission of HIV.[link removed]
  
• Laboratory studies show that latex condoms provide an essentially impermeable barrier to particles the size of HIV and other STI pathogens.[link removed] Studies show that polyurethane condoms also provide effective barriers against sperm, bacteria, and viruses such as HIV.[link removed]
  
• Several studies clearly show that condom breakage rates in this country are less than two percent. Most of the breakage and slippage is likely due to incorrect use rather than to the condoms' quality.[link removed]

[Batya33]

Condoms don't prevent HPV by the way since for that all you need is skin to skin contact "down there" and condoms don't cover everything.