I need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[zamboa]

So, I have been living with my estranged husband since July of last year. Most people cant believe that we have been living this way for this many months.....He has paid for the second mortgage so that I can qualify for the house on my own. I just got the email from the bank telling me that all I need to do is go to the title company. All of my friends and family are so happy for me, and dont understand why I am so freaked out. It is all becoming more real...my marriage is over and he is leaving. I am so depressed and feel like no one understands where I am coming from. I havent been happy for a long time...but, I cant imagine life without him after 11 years! Any words of wisdom would be great!

[RayKay]

Hey zamboa,

 

(That puppy is darling by the way).

 

While I have not been in your shoes, I can certainly understand where you are coming from. This is kind of like the "it's really happening moment"......as long as you were living together you were still KIND of together, and who knows what COULD happen...and now it's a matter of really being on your own.

 

I think it is great however that he arranged for the second mortgage so you could get a new home, and while it is going to be tough I suggest you really throw yourself into reinventing the home to be YOURS - new paint, new decor and make it a NEW home of sorts, not just the home that used to be both of yours. I think it will help you considerably with not only having something fun to do (redesigning your own space is fun!) but a good demarcation from the "married" to "single" life.

 

It's going to take time of course, but you will be okay. And it's TOTALLY normal to be feeling this way too, really. I know people whom split with their partners and did not get the divorce papers until a year later (after a year separate and apart) and only THEN did they feel the weight of it all come onto them.

 

Hugs,

 

RK

[zamboa]

Thank you for your words of encouragment....I am going to have a decorating party of sorts after he leaves. I have never felt comfortable having people over at our house, because he was never very receptive to having any of my friends and family over. He always resented them. I keep praying things will get better...as it is right now I never feel comfortable in my own home. Thanks for your help..

[zamboa]

Any more advice?

[BoredInCoalinga]

I would say you have to face reality head on. You've had this guy as a crutch for a while, and it's scary to go out there on your own and not have that anymore. Redecorating is a great start, and I would suggest to mobilize your friends. You don't have to overdo it and go out to the extreme, but I'd try to find something I can do that I haven't done in a while. Join a local hiking group or go to a cooking class or something. Get to know some new people. Look forward to this whole new life ahead of you and start thinking of all the things that you weren't able to do while your husband was there, and now you can do anything you want! Confidence, girl, you're fabulous and when you feel that yourself you can do anything.