wtm78 Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 it has been almost 3 months since the breakup (she initiated). she had not once initiated contact. i guess the breakup is a necessary evil when we are fighting so much and hurting each other so much at that time.. now when emotions are calm down, it is easier to look at things.. and at a clearer perspective... i still love this girl... how should i go from here? Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 NC...work on YOU! Move on!!! Link to comment
Addicus Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 If she initiated the brek-up then she really needs to open the contact.....stay NC and heal and move on. Link to comment
Illyria07 Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 is it a rule that the initiator of breakup has to initiate contact? Many people on this board seems to think so, but I think you need to look at individual circumstances. All situations and people are different. I don't know your background story other than what is in this post, but there could be many reasons why a dumper doesn't initiate contact. It could be because they simply don't care one way or the other about the dumpee anymore; it could also be out of respect, not wanting to set the other person back in their 'moving on'. There could be many other reasons. I think the important thing is for you to do what is right for you. If you want to initiate contact and feel that you can deal with whatever response (or not) that you get, that it won't set you back drastically, then do so. Don't feel that just because she broke up with you, she has to be the first to open lines of communication - but do make sure to look out for yourself so not to get hurt in the process. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Thats one of the problems I had. I was so anxious over whether or not to do it and how to do it. The last contact since the break up wasnt too good at all but it seems to have changed a lot in a month which surprised me but I know I still have a long way to go yet. Although I was shaking like a leaf I did it, I'm not sure if it set me back or not a little, I have mixed feelings over it but it certainly took away the agonising decsion of whether or not I should do it and imagining how it would go. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 did she say she wanted to stay friends with you? Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 22, 2008 Author Share Posted April 22, 2008 did she say she wanted to stay friends with you? no she didnt say anothing about staying friends... she did mention that we shouldnt be in contact because we are both griefing Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 sorry, should be in contact or shouldn't? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 so now its been three months how are you feeling? do you feel you could deal with any contact? Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 22, 2008 Author Share Posted April 22, 2008 i dont really know what i am feeling... on one hand, it doesnt hurt anymore... on the other it feels like the time before we are together... when i am persuing her and there is no response... what do you mean "do you feel you could deal with any contact?"? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 I feel like that too, like im pursuing someone new and someone else in our situation said the very same thing last night. How odd! I mean, if you were to have contact, would it set you back? I think we get to a stage where we hurt so much it can only get better. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 22, 2008 Author Share Posted April 22, 2008 I feel like that too, like im pursuing someone new and someone else in our situation said the very same thing last night. How odd! lol.. i dont know if it is good or bad... I mean, if you were to have contact, would it set you back? I think we get to a stage where we hurt so much it can only get better. i think eventually we'll just reach a stage it doesnt matter already... Link to comment
GlindaGoodWitch Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 it has been almost 3 months since the breakup (she initiated). she had not once initiated contact. i guess the breakup is a necessary evil when we are fighting so much and hurting each other so much at that time.. now when emotions are calm down, it is easier to look at things.. and at a clearer perspective... i still love this girl... how should i go from here? Same situation for me and my ex (I initiated the break up). It seems you two broke up for similar reasons (fighting and hurting each other). If my ex had sent me a card or email, I would have been thrilled and since I did want us to be together, I would be all for a reconciliation (with boundaries). He NC'd with me, and since the rule seems to be that the dumper has to make the contact, I did. (Although, I really think it should be the guy's place to pursue.) Your ex may feel the same way I did, wanting to work things out with you. You never know until you try. Although my attempt to work things out with my ex fell through, I'm glad I tried because now I have the closure that I lacked before. Plus, being proactive is empowering--you did what you could to control your own destiny. I was scared to let him know how I felt. I was afraid he would reject me--and even though he didn't right away, his renewed NC (from out of no where) is rejection. I guess I just don't understand this game (I like being myself--games (not NC or LC--I mean the Train your gf type games, which is what I think my ex is trying to do) are complicated and time-consuming. I'd rather spend that time and energy doing something fun). I'm glad I took action. Maybe you will be also. Please keep me posted, I am really interested. (Also, you have been a great help to me, and I don't even know if you realize it). God bless you, my friend. -Glinda My ex-relationship in a NUT-shell (pun intended) I broke up with him. We didn't speak for almost a week (I told him to leave me alone). I called him and wanted to be friends (he agreed, but told me I had to decide if I wanted to be together. I needed to see if we could get along.) We stayed friends for about a week, then all of a sudden, I didn't hear from him anymore. Unreturned phone calls and emails. Ignored IMs. I thought he may be hurt (he lives 3K miles away). I was in shock. I called psychics to see if he was ok, and to find out what went wrong. He contacted me a few days later and gave me some big story. The NC/LC continued for 6 more weeks (LC meaning that he would say HI back when I IM'd him, then continue to ignore me. He ignored emails and calls. A psychic said something about feeding the birdie, so I typed it into a google search and found this site. I learned about NC and LC and how the dumper has to say, I love, miss and want to work things out. I waited for him to green-light on gmail and IM'd him that message (I was dying inside...I wanted us to work things out). He said he did also. That was April 17. We started talking again. We talked on the phone until about 3am (Sunday morning). He was supposed to call me when he woke up later Sunday morning (4/20). A few hours later, I saw him green-light and I IM'd him--No answer. I called his cell and home phone.--Nothing. This morning, I tried calling him again (final, as I am tired of the BS). No answer. I dropped him from my gmail account. I am finished. This time, I am not sad, nor am I hoping to hear from him. I don't want to be friends, because friends respect each other. He has shown no respect for me, and I no longer care. I wish him the best...just not with me. 6,000,000,000 people in the world. If 50% are male: 3,000,000,000 and if 50% of those are adults: 1,500,000,000 and if only 1% of them are eligible 15,000,000 I'm sure that out of that 15-million, (at least) ONE will be a fun person to be with. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 22, 2008 Author Share Posted April 22, 2008 unfortunately i have sent serveral stuff, cards, emails, letters, food, gifts, apologies letters... not responding... when i text her on msn once... reply was very brief and neutral, so i kept it short. saw her in church 2 weeks ago, i texted ask if she is interested in lunch, she reply she is meeting her ministry leader for lunch... since then i kept to my NC... maybe she already move on... i don't really know... i am not hurting already... but i am still very much in love with her... strangely huh? i am glad that i can help you in some ways... and i am glad that you have gotten better.. its a celebration... Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 What an amazing post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 22, 2008 Author Share Posted April 22, 2008 i think i am afraid that she is attached... on one hand i would be happy if she finds someone who can take care of her... yet on the other.. i wish that someone is me.. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 I know how you feel although if mine meets someone else i hope she is a right cow and it ends quickly lol Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 I really dont know He could just be being friendly. Part of me thinks its good because it seems to be going well then part of me thinks its bad because he may find it so easy to contact as he is over me already. He does seem pretty down but I suppose you can't really tell from a text. Could just be because he has been working so much. I have it in my head that if i were to explain what I have learnt about the relationship and ask if he would like to try again he would say yes, but in reality I dont think so. Im just confused really. I think it may come to the point where I will send a letter eventually after trying LC for a while, I just think it's too soon to do it yet. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 23, 2008 Author Share Posted April 23, 2008 like you said... its too soon.. i think you just have to flow with the circumstances... for me, if i am over my ex... i will not bother to initate contact... my first ex... i was with her for 5 years.. after breakup, i keep pushing for reconcile for the next 5-6 months... but eventually when i say enough is enough.. i just put it down and left... think a year later.. i still got smses from her on new year, my birthday and christmas... then she some how found out that i have changed she initated to meet me up to catch up.. i met her once... and she initated to catch up a few times after a few years.. but by then i wasnt very interested already... when she ask me out, i just tell her i am busy... which i really was busy... so i believe.. maybe.. MAYBE.. i Dont Know... he MAYBE still interested... Link to comment
AronSchneider Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 I will contact my ex this Sunday. She has not contacted me in a month and I have not contacted her. Why not meet her for 30 minutes or something. Just be happy, cool about the break up and if she wants to talk about “us” and our former relationship. Sure, talk away. I will just sit there and listen to her. I will then contact her 10 days later and she how everything is going, maybe hang out 1-2 hours. Play some bowling or something. Then I let her contact me. If she wants to me back she will call me and ask if we can hang out. If she does not call me she does not want me back. If you haven’t done anything wrong, like cheated or something you don’t need to act depressed. What you should do is to act happy, listen to her, and occupy yourself. And for most be cool about the break up. When your ex see a person that is depressed, nagging, boring and is not productive. She thinks, “I feel sorry for him but I’m glad that I’m not with him. He is not interesting in any way.” Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 Dogdylan... I wouldnt suggest meeting the first time you make contact with her. I have a plan, but I think you have "too much of a plan" if you know what I mean. You can't put time limits on how long ur gonna spend together with each meeting, For all you know she may not even meet you. I would keep LC for at least a few week with NO MEETINGS! Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 Dogdylan... yeah, why not just LC for a while see her response.. i think i have no chance in getting back... maybe i need to drop the idea altogether... Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 I have also thought about dropping it many times but I'm just not sure. It seems something is stopping me and I don't know what it is Link to comment
Brokenhearted87 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 hope... it can be quite dangerous sometimes... +1 Can't shake that feeling of "someday" Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 I agree but we can't choose not to hope. I think its natural to hope for it because we want it but maybe its just part of the process. I think the hope will fade in time just like all the hurt Link to comment
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