Ex wants closure and so on.

[Clementine orange]

We were together for about 2 months. For some reason (and I know some people are going to hate me for this) I just suddenly decided I didn't want to do this anymore. I'm not exactly sure why...a few red flags, some needyness on her part, some residual feelings for my ex and just "meh" in general..

We got into a argument about something trivial - so I dumped her. She was pushing for this, that and the other thing - drawing a line in the sand so I just said "fine" this ends. I don't think she was expecting that.

 

There was some post breakup drama: her threatening to date other men (I could care less), her accusations of me "using" her, her begging and pleading and so on.

 

She wants to see me to discuss things. I don't want to - I know this is dangerous as we might just end up in bed again (I'm an horny idiot and she's really cute)

 

Basically she wants closure. I don't blame her - I totally understand. I would want it too. However, I don't have a really good reason for ending the relationship besides that I don't really want to be in it anymore. It might be a "it's not you, it's me" kind of thing - but that's such a cliche.

 

Man, I've been on the other side of this coin a bunch of times, so I'm trying to do right by her but I don't want the drama and explanations and so on. I would be fine with being friends but I know she wants more than that and would be pushing for it.

 

Right now I'm just kind of ignoring emails and voice mails and stuff which is really mean but I don't know what to say!!!!

 

I should mention that for the first few weeks, I was totally into her and it was all red hot. This must be such a disappointment for her...

She is going to want answers as to why it didn't work out and I just don't have any!

[Siriana]

You can always do what majority of men would do - ignore her calls (lol, you are doing it already)

I don't know why she's pushing this closure thing. Probably because she is as you said somewhat needy.

In majority of the cases if a girl is dumped she won't be begging and pleading to hear you again.

 

I think the safest thing you can do is:

- email her about your reasons of a break up (you can polish your words and avoid the argument)

- call her (but that might go in a wrong direction): I would advocate this only if you were really mean with the brake up (read: if you just said thats it out of the blue and with no explanation whatsoever - without saying honestly that you don't find two of you compatible)

[ycmanvs]

A final email should work. Tell her that it is over and that you do not think it is a good idea to get together. Explain that from now on you will not respond to any contact from her, and block her after that. Wish her well, etc....but stick to it.

[karvala]

You really don't have any answers? Have to say, I never understand that. When I've broken up with someone, it's always been for a clear reason, even if it was just "I have no feelings for you anymore,", or "I'm not (physically) attracted to you anymore". I can't imagine ending a relationship if I didn't have a reason to do so.

 

Surely, if you think hard enough, delve deep enough into what you were feeling when you made the decision, you can come up with something? I realise I probably sound like your ex saying that but I can certainly see where she's coming from, as I know you can also.

[DN]

All you have to say is that although she is a great person you don't have the feelings for her necessary to make a relationship work.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think you can give her closure over the phone without seeing her, if it is truly closure she wants.

 

The best thing to do in breakups is be as honest as you can without being cruel. You can tell her what you told us, which is basically that you think she is far more serious than you are about the relationship and you don't feel like being serious wiht her, and that rather than discovering you had more and more feelings for her (which one should in a growing relationship), your own feelings were stagnating and waning, which after 2 months is a sign the relationship can't go the distance. And point out the obvious, that you were in a lot of petty fights for people who had just started dating, and that a good relationship shouldn't have all that drama and you're just not up for it.

 

Then she can accept it or not. After you've had that talk, then you don't have to answer her calls or emails because she may just be trying to find an excuse to manipulate you back into a relationship again, one you don't want to be in.

[mke11077]

Thrill of the chase... Once you got her you just lost interest, the thrill was gone. If she needs closure then give it to her. As bad as this sounds, just blow some smoke up her ass. Tell her she's a great girl but you're just not ready for a relationship. You know she wants more and as much as you don't want to hurt her, it's better to end it now then a few months from now when her feelings are stronger and she'll be even more hurt.

[SRufus]

Well, I am basically on the exact opposite- minus the trying to contact my ex. We got into an argument, and is became an excuse to dump me. She probably saw some needyness on my part. There is so much I was wanting to lash out onto her about our relationship- even now two months later, but i figure what is the point if i did. What would i achieve? I haven't tried calling her, or begging or pleading for closure, but it would be damn cruel if she ignored my attempts- because she knows she has/had that power over me. It's a helpless feeling being the dumpee, and i think you should do the right thing by this girl, and call her and be a man about it. See her face to face in a public place if you must.