secretlover Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Hi. I've been pursuing a girl for the past...18 months. We'd go out several nights a week, and stare up at the stars in each others arms. About 6 months ago, this stopped. She got with a guy, who is abusive to her and pressurises her into things she isnt ready to do with him yet. Anyway, to cut a long story short, this past week I have been trying to make her mine. She finally admitted that she was in love with me, but had no intention of breaking up with her boyfriend. Anyway, one thing led to another, and we made love. And now it is becoming a regular occurrence. She is coming round daily and we spend time together, in each others sweet embrace. And she is still with her boyfriend. I love her, and I want her, but I fear the only way I can have her is as her "other man," and while I thought I would be able to cope with that, I'm not so sure anymore. Everytime she leaves mine, or sees her boyfriend, I feel sick thinking about what their doing together. But I wont leave her. S.L Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 to continue a behavior that makes you sick is unhealthy.... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 She's still with her bf, that should be enough. It doesn't matter what she says, it is all about her actions. Also, 18 months? Seems like she just isn't that into you. Sorry man. You need to find a better girl. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Like I told you before, you should have said you weren't going to be with her unless she left the other guy. Now you're in a bit of a mess...how can she love you if she isn't leaving him? Link to comment
secretlover Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 Like I told you before, you should have said you weren't going to be with her unless she left the other guy. Now you're in a bit of a mess...how can she love you if she isn't leaving him? I dont know, and I'm not sure I care. I'm just trying my utmost best to block out whatever is happening between the two of them. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Can you really say that you are happy with this? Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I dont know, and I'm not sure I care. I'm just trying my utmost best to block out whatever is happening between the two of them. which will eventually destroy you....i know first hand Link to comment
secretlover Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 I'm not happy, but I'm happier. If this is the only way that I can have her, then so be it. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I'm not happy, but I'm happier. If this is the only way that I can have her, then so be it. But you could have it so much better. Sounds like you are afraid of being alone. She doesn't care about you, at least not enough to respect your feelings. Find someone who does. Link to comment
Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 i cant begin to tell you how wrong the both of you are. aslong as a person is in a realationship they are off-limits i dont care if her boyfriend was jeffery dahmer and hes hacking up body parts and downing them with beer its wrong...... as far as your other post? sir you have issues.....yes you may be in strong like of this woman but look at what you have to go through you know as good as i know this is wrong weather it makes you feel good or not.......... but i tell you what, you go ask her boyfriend if you can make love with her and share her and if he says yes then its no longer wrong, but its right. but remember aslong as hes ok with it Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I'm not happy, but I'm happier. If this is the only way that I can have her, then so be it. Why would you want to hold on to a girl that clearly does not want you as her boyfriend? She likes having sex with you, she apparently enjoys sex with her boyfriend as well since she hasn't made a move to leave him. If a woman loves you, truly loves you, she will move mountains to be with you. She's selfish...she wants her cake and eat it too.... Link to comment
Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Why would you want to hold on to a girl that clearly does not want you as her boyfriend? She likes having sex with you, she apparently enjoys sex with her boyfriend as well since she hasn't made a move to leave him. If a woman loves you, truly loves you, she will move mountains to be with you. She's selfish...she wants her cake and eat it too.... i think she wants to be with him, but at the same time kind of wants to be with this other man. shes towing the fence. dont really know what she wants, either way if these two started a realationship on these terms it would rocket straight to hell. but as i stated before he should confront her boyfriend, ask him if its ok to continue having sex with his girl. if the bf says yes then its ok its no longer wrong. but he needs his approval first to make the act right Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 i think she wants to be with him, but at the same time kind of wants to be with this other man. shes towing the fence. dont really know what she wants, either way if these two started a realationship on these terms it would rocket straight to hell. but as i stated before he should confront her boyfriend, ask him if its ok to continue having sex with his girl. if the bf says yes then its ok its no longer wrong. but he needs his approval first to make the act right I can see it now..... Excuse me, can I continue banging your girl? Link to comment
Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I can see it now..... Excuse me, can I continue banging your girl? well if he truly want to, and he wants the guilt to go away he should ask her bf can i continue banging your girl. if he says sure then the act is right and he no longer has to feel the guilt now if this BF has a fraction of his brains working then all hells going to break loose Link to comment
secretlover Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 Okay, firstly, I'm not feeling guilty. I'm just upset everytime she goes to see him. Secondly, if all hell decides to break loose - then I'll fight for her. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Okay, firstly, I'm not feeling guilty. I'm just upset everytime she goes to see him. Secondly, if all hell decides to break loose - then I'll fight for her. I know you don't feel guilty.......What you SHOULD be feeling is disgust. You are getting sloppy seconds. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I think what you need to know is that you are her second choice...and her distraction. Something is missing from her relationship so she is seeking affection and whatever else she needs from you. You need to know you won't end up with her...as the other man you have set yourself up to fail...because if/when she realizes her other relationship is failing she won't come running to you...she will see you as part of the reason her relationship broke down...you will end up hurt and alone... Be careful with your heart. Link to comment
secretlover Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." I know that if I want her, then I'm going to have to settle as being second best. This wont last, but, with the time that has been given to me with her, I want to enjoy it... Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." I know that if I want her, then I'm going to have to settle as being second best. This wont last, but, with the time that has been given to me with her, I want to enjoy it... Ok, I understand that, but you are clearly not enjoying this because everytime you think about her with him it eats you....... You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be with someone that is yours and yours only and not jumping between 2 beds. Link to comment
secretlover Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 I am believing that I have made a bad impression. This is not a regular thing for me, infact it is the first time I have ever been "the other man." This girl is someone whom I have been wanting for 18 months, and now I have her in one form or another, it is very difficult to risk losing her. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I am believing that I have made a bad impression. This is not a regular thing for me, infact it is the first time I have ever been "the other man." This girl is someone whom I have been wanting for 18 months, and now I have her in one form or another, it is very difficult to risk losing her. Exactly......Read what you just wrote.....YOU have been WANTING her for 18 months...... What about her????? She wants the both of you. Link to comment
secretlover Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 Meaning she wants me. She might want him as well, but this girl who I'm head over heels for wants me. Link to comment
mrmaximum Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Meaning she wants me. She might want him as well, but this girl who I'm head over heels for wants me. ONLY after she's done with her guy. You are here placing this woman first and foremost in your life and all she can offer is second hand goods. You may like it now, it will get old in time. Link to comment
tangi39 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Actions speak louder than words. If you are truly in love, you should only want to be with that person, period. She's not married to this guy, why can't she break up with him ? What's her excuse ? She using you both. For your own good, walk away- Even if she does leave him, what are you gonna do when the next guy comes along, and the next guy and the next guy ? Are you gonna be okay being the 8th choice just to be in her life ? She clearly does not respect you. Find someone who will. Link to comment
secretlover Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 She's been with him all night. I'm on the verge of tears. Link to comment
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