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The Other Man

secretlover

By secretlover
in Infidelity

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secretlover Contributor

secretlover

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Hi.

 

I've been pursuing a girl for the past...18 months. We'd go out several nights a week, and stare up at the stars in each others arms.

 

About 6 months ago, this stopped. She got with a guy, who is abusive to her and pressurises her into things she isnt ready to do with him yet.

 

Anyway, to cut a long story short, this past week I have been trying to make her mine. She finally admitted that she was in love with me, but had no intention of breaking up with her boyfriend.

 

Anyway, one thing led to another, and we made love. And now it is becoming a regular occurrence. She is coming round daily and we spend time together, in each others sweet embrace.

 

And she is still with her boyfriend. I love her, and I want her, but I fear the only way I can have her is as her "other man," and while I thought I would be able to cope with that, I'm not so sure anymore.

 

Everytime she leaves mine, or sees her boyfriend, I feel sick thinking about what their doing together. But I wont leave her.

 

S.L

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secretlover Contributor

secretlover

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Like I told you before, you should have said you weren't going to be with her unless she left the other guy. Now you're in a bit of a mess...how can she love you if she isn't leaving him?

 

I dont know, and I'm not sure I care. I'm just trying my utmost best to block out whatever is happening between the two of them.

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Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Enthusiast

Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll

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Posted

i cant begin to tell you how wrong the both of you are.

 

aslong as a person is in a realationship they are off-limits

 

i dont care if her boyfriend was jeffery dahmer and hes hacking up body parts and downing them with beer

 

its wrong......

 

as far as your other post? sir you have issues.....yes you may be in strong like of this woman but look at what you have to go through

 

you know as good as i know this is wrong weather it makes you feel good or not..........

 

but i tell you what, you go ask her boyfriend if you can make love with her and share her and if he says yes then its no longer wrong, but its right. but remember aslong as hes ok with it

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metrogirl Veteran

metrogirl

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I'm not happy, but I'm happier.

 

If this is the only way that I can have her, then so be it.

 

Why would you want to hold on to a girl that clearly does not want you as her boyfriend? She likes having sex with you, she apparently enjoys sex with her boyfriend as well since she hasn't made a move to leave him.

 

If a woman loves you, truly loves you, she will move mountains to be with you.

 

She's selfish...she wants her cake and eat it too....

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Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Enthusiast

Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll

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Why would you want to hold on to a girl that clearly does not want you as her boyfriend? She likes having sex with you, she apparently enjoys sex with her boyfriend as well since she hasn't made a move to leave him.

 

If a woman loves you, truly loves you, she will move mountains to be with you.

 

She's selfish...she wants her cake and eat it too....

 

i think she wants to be with him, but at the same time kind of wants to be with this other man. shes towing the fence. dont really know what she wants, either way if these two started a realationship on these terms it would rocket straight to hell.

 

but as i stated before

 

he should confront her boyfriend, ask him if its ok to continue having sex with his girl. if the bf says yes then its ok its no longer wrong. but he needs his approval first to make the act right

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metrogirl Veteran

metrogirl

Posted
Posted
i think she wants to be with him, but at the same time kind of wants to be with this other man. shes towing the fence. dont really know what she wants, either way if these two started a realationship on these terms it would rocket straight to hell.

 

but as i stated before

 

he should confront her boyfriend, ask him if its ok to continue having sex with his girl. if the bf says yes then its ok its no longer wrong. but he needs his approval first to make the act right

 

I can see it now.....

 

Excuse me, can I continue banging your girl?

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metrogirl Veteran

metrogirl

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Okay, firstly, I'm not feeling guilty. I'm just upset everytime she goes to see him.

 

Secondly, if all hell decides to break loose - then I'll fight for her.

 

I know you don't feel guilty.......What you SHOULD be feeling is disgust. You are getting sloppy seconds.

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kuiks8 Collaborator

kuiks8

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I think what you need to know is that you are her second choice...and her distraction. Something is missing from her relationship so she is seeking affection and whatever else she needs from you. You need to know you won't end up with her...as the other man you have set yourself up to fail...because if/when she realizes her other relationship is failing she won't come running to you...she will see you as part of the reason her relationship broke down...you will end up hurt and alone...

Be careful with your heart.

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metrogirl Veteran

metrogirl

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

 

I know that if I want her, then I'm going to have to settle as being second best. This wont last, but, with the time that has been given to me with her, I want to enjoy it...

 

Ok, I understand that, but you are clearly not enjoying this because everytime you think about her with him it eats you.......

 

You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be with someone that is yours and yours only and not jumping between 2 beds.

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secretlover Contributor

secretlover

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I am believing that I have made a bad impression. This is not a regular thing for me, infact it is the first time I have ever been "the other man."

 

This girl is someone whom I have been wanting for 18 months, and now I have her in one form or another, it is very difficult to risk losing her.

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metrogirl Veteran

metrogirl

Posted
Posted
I am believing that I have made a bad impression. This is not a regular thing for me, infact it is the first time I have ever been "the other man."

 

This girl is someone whom I have been wanting for 18 months, and now I have her in one form or another, it is very difficult to risk losing her.

 

Exactly......Read what you just wrote.....YOU have been WANTING her for 18 months......

 

What about her????? She wants the both of you.

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mrmaximum Enthusiast

mrmaximum

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Meaning she wants me. She might want him as well, but this girl who I'm head over heels for wants me.

 

ONLY after she's done with her guy. You are here placing this woman first and foremost in your life and all she can offer is second hand goods. You may like it now, it will get old in time.

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tangi39 Contributor

tangi39

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Actions speak louder than words. If you are truly in love, you should only want to be with that person, period. She's not married to this guy, why can't she break up with him ? What's her excuse ? She using you both. For your own good, walk away- Even if she does leave him, what are you gonna do when the next guy comes along, and the next guy and the next guy ? Are you gonna be okay being the 8th choice just to be in her life ? She clearly does not respect you. Find someone who will.

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