ilovethatgirl Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Yesterday... my girlfriend broke up with me. My heart feels like it has been shattered into a million pieces. Today, after school, I'm going to call her... I'm going to make one final effort to win back the girl I love. I need help with what I'm going to say... I'm planning to say: -that I know her, and that I think there is a part of her that still loves me -that I won't accept that the wonderful times we had and will have are gone forever -that I know that if we both try together we can make this work and become the beautiful relationship it used to be -reminisce about all our fun times together (first phone call, first time we said I love you, etc.) -suggest that we take a month off, to think, and consider everything, after which we try again, slowly Any ideas? I'm not really interested in anybody urging me not to do this, just please, tell me what I should or shouldn't say to her... Link to comment
brian123 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I've been where you at. I am where you are at. I would HIGHLY suggest against it. Go out with some guy friends. Go for a walk (leave your phone). The last thing I have ever done with any of my ex's is to do what you are about to do. Doesn't that tell you anything? The phone call will NOT go as planned. It will only end up with you crying to get her back while you push her away even more and she acts coldly to you. I really believe that if you do this, you are only digging your own grave. Link to comment
ilovethatgirl Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 I'll never be able to move on unless I do... unless I know I've done everything I can to save what has the potential to become a beautiful relationship. Link to comment
redtan Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I say go ahead and tell her how you feel and whatnot, but do not push her. Just lay out your feelings and wishes, and let her act on those as she sees fit. The ball is in her court now, and she will have to act next given what you have said. Anything more and you will knock the ball wayyy out of her court and she will not be able nor want to return the ball back (i know crappy analogy). So tell her how you feel and give her space. Link to comment
brian123 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Give it a week. You wont understand this for 10 years, but you are only 16. You have PLENTY of time. 1 week is nothing. If you love someone let them go. If they love you, they will come back. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Seriously. DO NOT CALL. She wanted to be away from you, so give her what she wants. At this stage, you're too caught up in your feelings and will probably say something that will only push her FURTHER away. Give it a week or two, and don't respond immediately if she calls/texts/emails. Let her miss you, make her wonder how you've been able to live without her so easily, and give yourself some time to collect yourself. It will be pure hell, but it will be worth it. TRUST US! Link to comment
ilovethatgirl Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 hell couldnt possibly be worse than this... Link to comment
redtan Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 That's what we all go thru, it's never easy. If you want you can read my thread on this page about what I did and how that played out. Now that I look back on it, I wish that I didnt pest her as much as I did with letters and talks and whatnot. Once is enough, just to get ur feelings out, but besides that the best thing to do is give her space. She will eventually come around and start chasing you if you truly move on and get better, but by chasing her you will never ever get her back, and if you do it's not gonna work. Girls like a challenge, they like the fun of the chase, and if you're all over her she won't be intrigued and will be bored. Give her something to work for, make yourself less available and you'll be surprised how much things will change. Remember, we always want what we can't have, so be just that with her and it will drive her crazy knowing that you're out having fun without her and that you have no need to be with her (even tho u do but u dont show that) Link to comment
ilovethatgirl Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 Seriously. DO NOT CALL. She wanted to be away from you, so give her what she wants. At this stage, you're too caught up in your feelings and will probably say something that will only push her FURTHER away. Give it a week or two, and don't respond immediately if she calls/texts/emails. Let her miss you, make her wonder how you've been able to live without her so easily, and give yourself some time to collect yourself. It will be pure hell, but it will be worth it. TRUST US! but I'm so worried that if I give her that time she'll realize that she can get along easily without ME... Link to comment
brian123 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Seriously. DO NOT CALL. She wanted to be away from you, so give her what she wants. At this stage, you're too caught up in your feelings and will probably say something that will only push her FURTHER away. Give it a week or two, and don't respond immediately if she calls/texts/emails. Let her miss you, make her wonder how you've been able to live without her so easily, and give yourself some time to collect yourself. It will be pure hell, but it will be worth it. TRUST US! I COULD NOT AGREE MORE I only pushed my ex away more with acting like I did immediately after the BU. I only regret it now. Call up a guy friend of yours who is willing to listen. Go over to his place and hang out. If I could have done one thing different, it would have been to give each other space. Link to comment
ilovethatgirl Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 I COULD NOT AGREE MORE I only pushed my ex away more with acting like I did immediately after the BU. I only regret it now. Call up a guy friend of yours who is willing to listen. Go over to his place and hang out. If I could have done one thing different, it would have been to give each other space. and saying something like "well, think about it... call me up when you've decided..." not to mention suggesting that we take a month or so off... wouldnt that be space? or not enough? Link to comment
sedated Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 yes it can dude. what the other guys said does seems f'ing hard to do but you'll be glad if you took their advice when you look back a few years from now. i've been through my fair share of breakups and i can safely say that while there's a 1% chance she might respond when you lay it out for her, what is more likely is that you'll mess up any chances you might have left with her. i say cut all contact immediately and SHE'LL be the one giving you a call before long. then again dude, a man chooses, a slave obeys. go make your own choices, it'll help you to understand what some guys here are going on about.. Link to comment
brian123 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I wouldn't even get in touch with her at all. Make it seem like nothing happened. Call up your best bud /best gf and cry your eyes out to him/her. I find that females are really good to talk to. For the next 7 nights, schedule something to do with a friend every night/day. Do ANYTHING. Link to comment
ilovethatgirl Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 ..... now the worst part.... I've always been kind of a loner... I only have one really good friend and he really can't understand this kind of thing... he just turns everything into a joke, and I dont need humour right now... laughing is almost on par with physical pain.... I know a few girls who are sort of like acquaintances I suppose.... but... I WILL call her... but at the advice of you all... I'll wait about a week... basically if she hasnt called me by monday next week, I will.... Link to comment
brian123 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Give it some time. Are you religious? If you are at all, call up your pastor/priest etc... and just ask them to be a listening ear. Find a group that volunteers and volunteer with them. Work at a soup kitchen etc... Do anything to take your mind off her. Go to the gym and work your butt off. Get into great shape over the next couple of weeks. If anything use it as motivation. Say, "I am going to look great if she ever got the sense to come crawling back to me." Listen to Life is Beautiful by sixx. That song is now my anthem. Use this as an opportunity. Go out and make new friends. Don't be a loner. Trust me, this is all for the best. I am 26 and NOBODY i know married their HS sweetheart. I know it doesnt sound like much now, but 99% of the time, you werent going to get married anyways, so this was bound to happen. Use this to learn what you can do RIGHT when the next girl comes along. If this girl ever comes back, then maybe it was meant to be and you would have both figured stuff out then. Link to comment
sedated Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 good call bro.. give it a week. stay strong man, you've got to represent for all the guys here who've been in your situation before trust me if you've been nothing but nice to her and she left you for some stupid reason along the lines of "its not you its me", cut contact now and she'll be calling you before a week is up. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 but I'm so worried that if I give her that time she'll realize that she can get along easily without ME... Look at it this way: she realized she can get along easily without you... EVEN WHEN YOU WERE WITH HER. The ONLY way she'll miss you is if you are GONE. Link to comment
ilovethatgirl Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 I want to know what to say... when we talk again, what can I say? I pride myself on being able to say things almost poetically when I have to, inspirationally I guess, but I don't know what to say to her... please, tell me what I should say to win back my honey! trust me if you've been nothing but nice to her and she left you for some stupid reason along the lines of "its not you its me", cut contact now and she'll be calling you before a week is up. the only thing she could say was that she "didn't love me the way she used to"... Link to comment
brian123 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 When you talk again, don't get too heavy with things. Just talk about how things are going. Keep it light. Link to comment
ilovethatgirl Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 I really, really want to get accross that I know our relationship has the potential to be beautiful if we both try... and that I think we should try again after about a month of NC. Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 but I'm so worried that if I give her that time she'll realize that she can get along easily without ME... She might or she might not. Only she knows that. And do you want to be with her just because she pities you? From your writings, I get that your sense is that you don't have a lot of value to anyone, and that even at 16 you are clinging very hard to her because you believe she may be your only chance at happiness. Obviously I could be very off base, though. However, I would suggest that if any of that strikes a chord with you, that you take some time to concentrate on yourself and building up your self-esteem. Confident men are sexy (or so I'm told...lol) and she will probably be more attracted to you if you are confident and independent than if you are super clingy. That's just my opinion. I will say that IMO you have the advantage of being here before you made that call, unlike many of us who made the call and pushed our exes farther away before we realized that this was counter-productive. I think there is a lot of wisdom on this forum. Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I really, really want to get accross that I know our relationship has the potential to be beautiful if we both try... and that I think we should try again after about a month of NC. That's what you think. Its not considering what she thinks. I think that you could benefit from getting her sense (i.e., put her head on your shoulders and look at it through her eyes) and think what she would like to hear from you from the position she is in now. I think that you telling her what you are proposing is incredibly invalidating to her, because you are telling her that she is wrong in her choice. Do you like it when parents/friends/teachers tell you that you are wrong, especially on big decisions? Well, how do you think she will feel when you do the same to her? Closer to you or pushed away by you? That's just my opinion. Make of it what you will. Link to comment
ilovethatgirl Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 god... I never thought of that... but... I don't really think she was wrong... maybe if like... I said something along the lines of maybe.... "I dont think you needed to break up with me, but you definitely seemed to need a break"? And then that could lead into taking a break for about a month and then trying again..? Link to comment
jomb28 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I COULD NOT AGREE MORE I only pushed my ex away more with acting like I did immediately after the BU. I only regret it now. Call up a guy friend of yours who is willing to listen. Go over to his place and hang out. If I could have done one thing different, it would have been to give each other space. this is the best thing, ask advice from your close friend. I also did the panicking thing after we broke up, i beg, i plead, apologize but nothing happen. all you have to is to give her some space and give yourself time to analyze what went wrong. Link to comment
brian123 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 There's nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home Link to comment
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