Has anyone dated someone on Depression Meds

[Johanna81]

As my prior posts have shown I've been having problems with my bf of 4.5 years he's 30 I am 26. This past fall I suggested to him he should look into getting some depression meds and he was put on Zoloft and Xanax well since then his personality has done a 180 - rather then still being the loving guy he has changed into this guy who wants to party with 22 year olds who used to be his employees but are now his friends- he's not the partying type maybe when he was in high school but he's def not a partier and as I type he's at an infamous party school where he spent the night to party at - for the past few weeks he's been saying he doesn't think our relationship will work because we don't have a very good sex life he just doesn't want to have sex and on Friday he said to me I don't know if I can ever have sex with you again I love you too much and respect you too much - I don't get it I've tried and he says it's not me it's him he tells me he thinks i'm beautiful sexy etc but something in his mind doesn't think we should have sex - (And he's not cheating on me he's not the type) I don't know if it's the depression meds or what it is I've never been so sad I feel like I'm losing the person I love the most in the world and I just dont know what to do. Are there different Dep meds he could go on that could still help but not cause these crazy racing thoughts of his - bc within 30 minutes of telling me he wasn't sure if we would ever have sex again he asked what he thought our kids would look like seriously * * * !! I think he's confused about our relationship and it's now at the point where it's forever or never but I don't think I can't take this much longer - I can't stop crying I don't want to lose him- and this is made harder by all the sweet text messages and things he says to me one min and the next saying he doesn't know what he wants this sucks sooo bad! Does anyone think this could be the Depression Meds?

[Tethys]

I don't know if the entirety of his behavior can be blamed on the antidepressants. One side effect of them IS a lowered sex drive, but, is that the case here? You say he wants to run around and party like he's 22 at the age of 30. And this happened after he started taking meds? Do you know why he feels he needs to do this?

 

Another point of view -- maybe this has nothing to do with the meds he's taking and more about your relationship. Perhaps he's lost interest in you and wants his freedom. I know, but sorry, it happens, and what he's saying to you are kind of "classics" that people say when they are bored and want out of their current relationship.

 

I really am wondering if this relationship has run its course (for him anyway) and you are looking for some sort of explanation. There might not be one.

 

The other possibility is that the anti-depressants are affecting his sex drive and he's too ashamed to admit that.

 

Good luck.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

he may have been diagnosed incorrectly, as being depressive when he is really bi-polar (manic depressive).

 

people who are bi-polar can swing out of depression and have a manic episode when given certain anti-depressants and show very erratic thoughts and behavior. this can be quite dangerous so i suggest you try to get him to go to the doctor and tell them that he is acting manic now and might need a different medication.

 

people who are manic can become sex maniacs, very volatile, break up with their partners to chase others, spend money and come up with some grandiose and crazy ideas.

 

there is always a chance also that his 'true' self is being exposed, i.e., now that he is not depressed, he is feeling good enough to chase other people. but it could also be the meds triggered a manic episode and he needs to get the proper meds ASAP before the manic episode gets worse. they give very different medications for manic depression than depression to prevent these types of manic episodes that can be quite disruptive to people's lives. His rapid cycling of emotions is a very strong indicator that he might be bipolar and his current medication is not what he needs to be on, but something else instead.

[Miss Firecracker]

I know I would distance myself from someone who "parties" and takes these drugs together. He probably won't be around too long.

[JadedStar]

I think it is more of a coincendence that this coincided with the time he started these pills. I don't really think they are the cause. He just wants to sow some wild oats for some reason. Neither zoloft nor xanax make people feel like dancing on tables. They both make a person more sedate and calm. It isn't the pills that cause the changes but the pills can unmask certain persoanlity traits that were hidden by the depression.

 

One of Bestrong's statemetns belongs rings true to me in this case and the most logical conclusion:

 

there is always a chance also that his 'true' self is being exposed, i.e., now that he is not depressed, he is feeling good enough to chase other people

 

With these meds you often see a slightly different person because once the depression is lifted that was a mask on their behavior/moods you will then be able to see the real personality that was embedded underneath.

 

Its just like most people thinking that these meds make you gain weight. Most do not. What happens is the person who doesn't eat right due to depression will eat more when it is lifted. Those who eat more when depressed will eat less when it is lifted and they lose weight.

 

It isn't really the meds that cause these changes, it is just that the meds lift the depression that was blocking the natural propensity that a person has towards certain proclivities.

[Miss Firecracker]

He's 30 years old and at a party school? How unattractive.

[JadedStar]

^^Seriously. I agree.

 

I think the meds are only allowing her to see the real guy who was numbed by the depression.

 

This is probably the real him.

[Miss Firecracker]

Maybe he watched Old School and liked the idea.

 

What is going to be sad is when this catches up to him. Imagine the depression he will fall into then. It's not going to be a pretty sight...will probably end up in a psych hospital.

[Johanna81]

Maybe I should rephrase the partying - he went to this school to watch the big fight that was on last night and there was a party there as well- he doesn't really drink at all - and also he's been hanging out at a karoke bar to sing songs with these young guys - my problem has been with the personality changes - he's just gotten weird - I'm glad he's hanging out with his friends but it seems the more he hangs out with them the more he sees himself as there age I think - bc he never did the college thing and now because of me helping him he's in undergrad finishing up his degree so I don't know if it's because he feels like he was left out of that stage in his life and wants to make up for it or what- my other problem is he's 30 and I think he should start to grow up - considering I am really really mature compared to him and I have almost finished my law degree and I live on my own and he hasn't even moved out of his mother's house ever

[Miss Firecracker]

He is probably feeling you have gone down separate paths and is trying to end this now. If he says you are too good for him you should definitely listen.

[JadedStar]

I agree with Miss F. ONe of the best pieces of advice my mother ever gave me was when a man tells you that you are too good for him you should listen to him.

 

Sorry to say but he sounds like he has peter pan syndrome. I think you are on a different path than he is for sure and you might want to rethink this relationship.

 

I don't even think the meds have anything to do wtih his changes...he is just enjoying the lifestyle these young guys are living and wants a cut of the action.

[Johanna81]

He said he wanted to think about things a few weeks ago then decided we should stay together because he loves me so much and wants to make things work - but then he goes back forth on whether it will work or not and wanting to marry me - it's seriously a giant mind * * * *

[JadedStar]

If he actually said a few weeks ago you two should split then there is your answer. He comes back for the familiarity but he obviously has huge doubts.

 

I'd end it with him if i were in this situation. He is no where near ready for a commitment like marriage.

[jraf]

bc he never did the college thing and now because of me helping him he's in undergrad finishing up his degree so I don't know if it's because he feels like he was left out of that stage in his life and wants to make up for it or what-

This could be.

 

my other problem is he's 30 and I think he should start to grow up - considering I am really really mature compared to him and I have almost finished my law degree and I live on my own and he hasn't even moved out of his mother's house ever

This seems to be a wholly separate issue. His state of depression doesn't affect his level of maturity. If you feel that he is immature, you'll need to grapple with that as a specific issue.

 

Re: Antidepressants

Someone who is depressed is typically,

tired

unmotivated

unable to focus

over or under eats

has sleep problems

can be highly irritable

can express anger easily

does not want to socialize

averse to physical exercise,

don't like to make big decisions,

make personal decisions which are not in their best interest.

 

as depression deepens, feelings of:

hopelessness

failure

suicide

 

Anti depresssants typically neither sedate or stimulate, they simply provide the chemical interactions required to resume a normal functioning state.

 

However, there are many kinds of antidepressant chemicals and people do react to different drugs differently (though as Jaded said, most of the talk is media hype). One concern though is that he is on 2 different medications, which may be a good thing or not, depending on exactly how they operate and how they interact with each other and his system. If the prescriber was a GP, the chances that he actually knows a lot about the drugs is slim. GP's are way to busy with physical ailments to keep on top of most drugs let alone drugs to treat mental health issues. Has he seen a psychiatrist, not necessarily for talk therapy, but they excel in their knowledge of these drugs and are much more savvy in fitting drugs to patients?