are women in their late 20's early 30's open to making new female friends?

[Lucy__lou]

There aren't many women my age in the town where I live, and I don't have many friends, male or female.

 

I also get the feeling that a lot of women my age aren't very open to getting to know other women. And that they put most of their effort into getting to know men. for me I value female friends a lot because I'm attracted to them sexually as well, but I can't even make any straight female friends, let alone find a nice girlfriend. And as much as I would love to meet a tonne of lesbian women, I'm open to hanging out with straight women as friends too, even though I don't relate to them as easily. But do straight 30 something women want to hang out with a lesbian? (I say lesbian, but really, I'm bi, it's just I don't relate to the experiences of straight women either).

 

So there's this woman at my work, and I think we could potentially be good friends. But there seems to be this code of conduct in the corporate world where women aren't that into befriending each other. I think she's probably a bit alone too and could use a good friend, and I know she's intrigued by me, but still there's this unfriendly ignoring behaviour happening between us. For me I ignore her because I find her intimidating, (and beautiful, to the point I'm very tempted to flirt, but can't cause it's work). for her, I think she's both angry at the world, and a bit defensive towards me because I'm aloof, and she doesn't know that I'm nice yet. But we're really different. She seems really straight, and to be honest, I could easily fall for her, she's sooo beautiful in my eyes and I could totally wind up worshipping her if she let me, but I don't know how well she would handle my attraction to her, if she would find it annoying or off putting. So my question is this, do many of you straight women want to waste your time hanging out with lesbians? or are they of no use to you? And if you met a woman who you really liked (as a friend) but she liked you as more than a friend, would you be cool with it?

I'd just like to hear a few voices from the straight women in this age group, and get a bit of feedback.

[Batya33]

I've found the opposite in my 30s, including in the corporate world (20s I can't really comment as much because I mostly had my college/grad school friends and I remember part of that time working in a "high school" corporate environment where the focus was more on being popular than being close friends, so it wasn't a great way to make real friends).

 

In my 30s and now in my early 40s I cannot believe how much richer my existing friendships are and how many new, good friends I've made. I've made them through a women's networking group, work, volunteer work, friends of friends, and in one case a temporary neighbor. They are single, married, divorced, mostly in my general age range, a few in their 50s. In the past 2-3 years a typical week brings me at least one of the "new" friends sending me an email or calling to get together one on one or to have a long phone call if not. I do the same but it's fairly balanced. I feel blessed.

 

 

I did find in my 20s that perhaps less women were interested in just going out one on one and hanging out and preferred to go to bars/parties/social activities - which I did, too but that might hamper getting close to someone as opposed to partying friends.

 

Hope this was helpful.

 

Edited to add - I re-read your post and noted the focus also on lesbian/straight as well as your perception about the corporate world and friendships in general. On the lesbian point, I wouldn't be comfortable being friends with a lesbian who was obviously attracted to me or who "worshipped me" (same if she were straight - I don't like being worshipped by anyone - it's uncomfortable). I would have no issue being friends with a lesbian "platonically" - I have been in the past, right now I can't think of anyone I'm close with who is but that's not because of sexual orientation. I also wouldn't be comfortable being platonic friends with a man who was obviously attracted to me.

[Whiplash Girl Child]

So my question is this, do many of you straight women want to waste your time hanging out with lesbians? or are they of no use to you? And if you met a woman who you really liked (as a friend) but she liked you as more than a friend, would you be cool with it?

 

I'm 27 and am VERY open to making new female friends, provided that:

1. they do not call me every single day to talk;

2. they don't use me as a therapist; and

3. they aren't sexually attracted to me b/c that'd make me feel uncomfortable. I have no problem with lesbians. Gay, straight, bi, whatever, I don't care. But if she's attracted to me? No, I'd feel uncomfortable.

[shoppingGirl]

I would be friends with anyone I really liked regardless of her sexuallity. I am straight, but I have no problem being friends with a lesbian or a gay man. I would be uncomfortable being friends with a lesbian ONLY if she were attracted to me and "worshiped" me. That is not right if she knows already that I am straight, she should also respect my sexuality and understand that their would never be anything more than a friendship.

[bulletproof]

So my question is this, do many of you straight women want to waste your time hanging out with lesbians? or are they of no use to you? And if you met a woman who you really liked (as a friend) but she liked you as more than a friend, would you be cool with it?

I'd just like to hear a few voices from the straight women in this age group, and get a bit of feedback.

 

I think that how you phrased this question could be a hint as to why you're having problems. Why would you ask if straight women want to "waste time" hanging out with lesbians, or if lesbians are of any "use" to straight women? Friendships, especially those that begin later in life, are not about what we can get from the other person.

 

To answer your question, my most recent and closest friend is exactly as you describe yourself- bisexual, and likely would not turn me down if I was interested in more than a friendship. However, she knows full well that I'm straight, and so she doesn't bother trying to convince me otherwise. I have found that anyone at any age is open to having new friends, but it takes work to establish those relationships and then more work to keep them.

 

I think you first need to establish whether you want a friendship or romantic relationship with this person. And whatever you decide, the only way to make that happen is to stop being aloof and act friendly towards her, then invite her to do something.

[Lucy__lou]

I have found that anyone at any age is open to having new friends, but it takes work to establish those relationships and then more work to keep them.

 

so just to clarify, are you saying it gets harder later in life for women to make female friends? That's what I'm wondering, because it sort of seems that way. And I'm thinking maybe some straight women consider it sort of immature to want to have too much one on one time with other women cause 30's are an age for relationships, so that's where I'm getting the 'waste time hanging out with a lesbian' thing. And maybe the only reason I'm craving female friends is cause I don't have a girlfriend.

 

but another question for the straight women, to whiplash and shopping girl, what if you met a girl who you got on well with and you could tell she was attracted to you, but that she was also making a serious effort to not think of you in that way, and you knew she really liked you and valued you as a friend, nothing more, would the fact that she respected your sexuality and recognised that you didn't want her flirting or being too intense with her help?

 

I mean, if I do try to befriend this woman I mentioned, do you think I should completely keep my initial attraction to her a secret? Or can I show it a little, but make it very clear that I will respect her boundaries and not hope for more than friendship?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If you know this woman is straight then you have to view her as just a friend. I think the problem is that you are not just looking for female friends you are also looking for females to date...you have to be able to separate the two. You are falling into the same trap many heterosexuals fall into with regards to blurring the boundaries between friendship and relationship with the opposite sex. You can't look at every friend as a possible partner. Take the friendship for what it is and then down the road if something develops, great, but keep your mind focused on friendship only.