lilypadgirl Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Not really looking for advice or anything...just need to vent or share this with someone. It's been 8+ months since my very painful breakup. It took me a really long time to find my peace and be able to move on while still dealing with issues that my ex is more successful at work than me and sooner to graduate than me even though we entered the same year. So my ex is proposing his thesis next week and usually this is a public announcement in our department. (Because I've done nothing very productive in the last 8 months, I have yet to even think of a topic which already bothers me.) Anyway, we have a mutual acquaintance who I don't think knows about the break up and someone from our department told him my ex was proposing next week. So he sent me a facebook message congratulating me and asking if I was going to say yes or no and attached a diamond gift to the message. It's like I'm finally getting better. Knowing my ex is proposing his thesis next week has already made me very stressed at work and angry/upset that he's been able to be so productive while I've been moping and depressed and unable to focus. Then this happens! Why is life like this? I just feel like I've been kicked while I'm down and trying to get up. I've been so stressed with work cuz I might have to stay an extra year and my ex is already 80% done with his thesis and might graduate a year early. Then people mistakenly think he's proposing to me. It's like one bad thing after another. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Almost 4 months after our breakup, when my boss's 6-yo son visits the office, he STILL keeps asking me "When is Maria going to move here?" and "Are you still engaged?" It always gives me a weak moment. I feel for you. :sad: Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 ugh... I'm truly sorry... I know how much that must hurt. Take this time and look at your schedule - can you set yourself some doable short term and long term goals to help take your mind off things? Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Oh Lily, I'm so sorry you are going through this. How horrible that must have felt to get that "congratulations" from the "friend" who thought you were getting the proposal. *ouch* That had to hurt girl. Sorry...I truly am. People say things without checking all the facts...they just assume...HUGE MISTAKE. It sucks that your ex has moved on before you did. It really does. The past year was terribly rough for me, going through my horrible divorce. I felt much of what you describe. I kept saying "well, what's next?" And "why me...this is so unfair". And it WAS unfair...and IT STILL IS UNFAIR. Life's just like that sometimes. It's perfectly natural for you to feel the way you do. Just sucks that you have to go through it. I'm sorry.... ~Allie Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 Almost 4 months after our breakup, when my boss's 6-yo son visits the office, he STILL keeps asking me "When is Maria going to move here?" and "Are you still engaged?" It always gives me a weak moment. I feel for you. Aww that sucks! Thanks for the sympathy! Is it weird that deleting that message (was written on my wall) was more painful than reading it? Like part of me wishes it was true. Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 (((hugs))) lilly!! Hang in there...it has to get better right!?!?! Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 ugh... I'm truly sorry... I know how much that must hurt. Take this time and look at your schedule - can you set yourself some doable short term and long term goals to help take your mind off things? Thanks CatsMeeoow. I'm trying to stay focused and work and think of a thesis. It's just hard cuz my ex has always been very academically driven. It makes me feel bad to keep comparing my progress with his and I don't mean to be competitive. Just it hurts to know that he didn't trip or was affected by the breakup, at least not academically. If anything, he probably used the pain to make himself work harder to finish faster and get away from here. I have to admit, I admire that part about him. So it hurts more. Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 Oh Lily, I'm so sorry you are going through this. How horrible that must have felt to get that "congratulations" from the "friend" who thought you were getting the proposal. *ouch* That had to hurt girl. Sorry...I truly am. People say things without checking all the facts...they just assume...HUGE MISTAKE. It sucks that your ex has moved on before you did. It really does. The past year was terribly rough for me, going through my horrible divorce. I felt much of what you describe. I kept saying "well, what's next?" And "why me...this is so unfair". And it WAS unfair...and IT STILL IS UNFAIR. Life's just like that sometimes. It's perfectly natural for you to feel the way you do. Just sucks that you have to go through it. I'm sorry.... ~Allie Thanks Allie! That must have been so painful to go through. *hug* I really admire your strength. I keep trying to tell myself that everything happens for a reason and that we break up cuz we're meant to find others we're more compatible with or keep making excuses for my lack of productivity by saying well I need this time to heal and figure out myself. But things like this happens. And I know it was all in innocence too. Like I can't even get mad at my friend cuz he didn't know and if anything, he was excited for me. Sigh. Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 (((hugs))) lilly!! Hang in there...it has to get better right!?!?! Thanks litgirl! I hope so! Just trying to keep my mind away from work right now and venting. It's so nice to have so many wonderful people to talk to on ENA. Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 I know! I love ENA!! ;-) You will get through this!! Link to comment
Clarity Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 I know how you feel. More than a year later, I still get the "so are you and ****** married yet?" question from some uninformed person. It used to hurt a lot more, but it gets better, I can actually handle it reasonably nowadays and I honestly feel worse for that person in the end because you can tell they feel terrible during the awkward conversation that ensues Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 I got a "congratulations on your future wedding" not too long ago. Me: He decided that he doesn't love me, so he shipped me home and broke up with me over email!!!!!!! Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 Yeah, I told my friend and he felt embarrassed. We're more acquaintances than friends so it's very awkward. Also I don't want to say more than I have to or get emotional about things. Heh, at least it shows people haven't been gossiping about me and my ex. Oh litgirl, that's horrible! Why is it so tough to find and keep love? How do the happy couples do it? When's it my turn? Questions I can't help asking sometimes. Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 I think the same things lilly! You will meet someone...you will! ;-) Just give it time...meanwhile, learn what you can from your last relationship! The quicker you heal...the quicker you will be ready! xx Link to comment
auburnslp Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Look-this is very simple. We all cope with pain in different ways. It appears that your ex did so by completely focusing at work/school, and thus, his advancement before yours. You are probably more like me. It was all I could do to get through the day at work. And that's ok. Soon you will regain that focus you may have lost. It will happen. Don't sweat this. You will be ok, and really, what does it matter? You have so many adventures coming. My best. Link to comment
Lugh Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 lilypadgirl yes been there with a twist, a business associate who didnt know that we used to date but knows my ex through work and he knew that i knew her, was telling me that he was at a function and that she was there with her new bf and that they were soo into each other and planning holidays etc, and all i could do was try not to barf and change the subject, it happens sometimes when you are doing well it sneaks up to trip you but all you can do is get up dust yourself off smile and keep going. Link to comment
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