Newly bi and longing for my housemates - help!

[sarashmara]

I'm 20 years old and a student. I live with three other girls, two of whom I have been friends with since high school.

 

I always thought I was straight and never really gave serious thought to being with girls but a bisexual side seems to have awoken in me in the last three or four months. The problem is... I seem to be infatuated with all three of my housemates.

 

I could go into a huge list as to why each of them is so gorgeous and amazing but there's no real point. The point is that we've known each other all for so long that we're at a state of intimacy that is both a blessing and a curse - e.g. if it's late and I'm in her room and we're tired, I might sleep in the same bed as one of my housemates. You can imagine how I would enjoy but also feel taunted by that.

 

I've found myself with some sort of breast fetish and the girl in the room next to me has an amazing pair and always flaunts them... it's so frustrating not being able to do anything!

 

I'm scared if they know I'm bi (let alone how I feel) then things will be awkward and these moments will stop. But then again if I'm going to try anything with a girl I want it to be one of them, not a stranger.

 

How do I deal with this? Please help me, I just don't know what to do. Reply here, send me a PM, talk to me on messenger, anything! It's all I can think about nomatter how much I busy myself.

 

xx

[enchiladaman]

Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do in this situation. One thing I can certainly almost guarantee is that none of these girls are interested in taking things to a sexual level with you. They, too, would also have to be bisexual and/or gay and the percentages aren't in your favor. They would also have to be attracted to you. Maybe they have issues being sexual without a committed relationship too. So many factors!

 

Second, as a roomate, they trust you and if you try to take advantage of them sexually or come out to them it might makes things awkward for the 4 of you permanently.

 

I think you might be better off getting involved in a gay community where you can find others that are like minded...not sitting there torturing yourself and lusting over unobtainable women.

I guess that if you 4 are having a heart to heart some night or are drunk you could mention perhaps that you've always wanted to be with a woman or kissed a woman once and enjoyed it. You do risk some isolation from the others and creating a permanently akward situation once again but that is really the only way to fish.

 

I've noticed that the few gay friends that I have typically have crushes on straight men and this can be very frustrating for them because obviously the straight men are 100% not interested much like I'm sure your roomates are. Sucks but I would keep these thoughts to yourself and find a different outlet.

[heloladies21]

My gf ecently discovered her bi side and I basiclaly had to guide her through it. Now she's completely comfortable with it and I've never seen her so happy in my life.

 

So as for you, no need to panic. You are who you are and the sooner you accept it the better. And there really are no negative stereotypes as far as this goes anymore, as it's actually "in style" to be on the bi side.

 

What to do about your roommates? Realize that your feeling for them will not disappear so there is only one solution: make a move for them. Life is way too short and every chance you miss you lose and can never get back. One thing I've learned in this life is that regret in saying "I should've done that" is one of the worst feelings in this world because it's so permanent.

 

As for how to make it happen, now that's a completely different story. It took months of 1 on 1 coaching before my gf got good at it. One thing I'd say is touch them casually and then escellate gradually (how fast you will have to gauge by their reaction). Then one night when you all have been drinking a bit and inhibitions are at a minimum, progress things even further (try and kiss her).

[heloladies21]

And as an aside, I am coming to the conclusion that at least most, if not all females are bisexual, so don't feel like you are alone!!!

[sarashmara]

Wow two completely different responses there!

 

I already feel guilty when certain things happen. Like being next to them in bed, if they knew what I was thinking they'd probably be super freaked out. So it's kinda wrong, masking it under innocence and stuff.

 

What makes it difficult is also that one of them also "girl-flirts" with me all the time. Like pretending we're a couple and blowing kisses and stuff. She's a typical exhibitionist. Makes it hard when she's doing that and wearing a little nightie.... arrrrgh!

 

Any more advice? Please, I'm desperate! I don't want to have to move out because of this!

[heloladies21]

Relax, it would take a real extreme set of circumstances for you to have to move out. Just think about it like this, you have 2 choices. Either hold it inside and live with these feelings (they won't go away, most likely they will continue getting worse), or act on your emotions. The decision is pretty simple to me.

 

No doubt it's scary, but it doesn't make what you have to do any different. Your potential loss is very low. Your potential gain is extremely high. It's a simple but difficult decision.

[sarashmara]

Relax, it would take a real extreme set of circumstances for you to have to move out.

 

For me it doesn't seem so extreme... they'd find out/I'd tell them/make a move, they'd be a bit uncomfortable with it, think back to sleeping in their beds/seeing them naked etc and avoid it in the future. Next thing I know they'll be having a meeting in the lounge because they need to talk to me about "something".

 

Even if I don't move out, it seems like I'll be singled out or neglected.

 

And I really wouldn't want to have to lie and say "I'm bi but hey it's okay because I'm not interested in any of you". I HATE lying.

[enchiladaman]

Obviously everyone is going to give out different advice but I totally disagree with most of the advice heloladies21.

 

I think saying that most, if not all women are bisexual is misinformed.

 

According to a survey: In response to the question, "Do you think of yourself as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or something else?":

 

90% of women said they think of themselves as heterosexual

1.3% of women think of themselves as homosexual

2.8% of women think of themselves as bisexual

3.8% of women think of themselves as "something else."

Among women who have had sexual relations with another woman, nearly two-thirds (65%) consider themselves heterosexual.

 

I dunno, those numbers don't seem all that supportive that most if not all women are bisexual.

 

There are also some women that will kiss other girls or touch other girls for attention or because they are being playful but that is as far as it goes and so you could find yourself in this situation just being really teased and end up sexually frustrated.

 

I think acting on your emotions is a really bad idea. Stepping over the boundaries of a roomates trust when the advances are unwelcomed could have some negative consequences. Just like I wouldn't make a move on some girl who I've been friends with - just because I'm interested in her doesn't mean she's interested in me. I think it gets even more risky when you don't even know if the other girls even like women or would ever want to go there to begin with.

 

I doubt that you would ever have to move out, but if you make a move and freak that girl out she is definitely going to be distancing herself from you and might even tell the other girls and create some uncessesary tension in the house.

 

I think you should either keep it to yourself or openly admit to your bisexual curiousness sometime when it seems like an appropriate time. Maybe hint that you've kissed a girl before and would like to try more. At least then you've put it out there and if one of the other roomates wants to make a move on you then she knows it is welcomed. But also expect that they might not want you sleeping in their bed anymore cause if feels uncomfortable.

[KG]

If you guys are that close, could you bring up a hypothetical question to them about girls being bi? What they think, have they ever? This may give you a clue as to where they stand.

[drewciouS281]

A woman doesnt even have to consider themselves Bi, they may jsut want to experiment. I have heard many strait women say they love the touch and feel of another woman cause they know how to do it right. For all you know your roomies may be holding back the same way you are. it is possible. Just get really drunk one night and if things happen let them. haha. j/k.

 

If it starts to become really bad to where you dont want to ruin friendships, perhaps you may want to consider movin out. Keep in mind this may just be a phase. Just keep it cool and dont blurt out "Hey im Bi, do me". Just see if there are some oportunities and like i said, for all you know they might be interested in some fun aswell. just gotta play it smart.

[sarashmara]

Haha a lot of what has been suggested I can't do because I don't drink!

 

Maybe if you guys try and put yourselves in my place... I have pictures but it wouldn't be right to post them here publicly, but all three of these girls are gorgeous. Imagine living with three hot women fairly intimately, they're constantly around you, but you can't touch or give any signs of interest.

 

Sigh.

[SarCareBear]

well here's another angle.

 

as a gay girl, i can tell you, when i first struggled with feelings for the opposite sex, i used to think i was helplessly lusting over girls that i actually just had CRUSHES on. crushes are something we all have to deal with, especially hard are the same-sex because so many people aren't into it.

 

my advice would be tell them you've been thinking about girls lately, just to let them know they can "set you up" if they want! don't say you have crushes on them, for obvious reasons, but at least half of your secret will be out. the plus of this is, if any of them are turned on by the idea of you liking women, you might have begun to clear a path for yourself to get some action!

[JadedStar]

OUTSTANDING POST.

 

This would be no different than if you were the only male living in the house and tried to make advances. YOu are their roommate and it wouldn't be proper. No different with you being a girl...a person should be able to trust that their roommate woudln't make improper advances.