beyond lovely...

[Hunny1607307342]

Hi all

im not sure who knows about my situation but seeing as i keep posting long threads i guess quite a few do!

 

basically the ex wanted to go for a walk in the park yesterday, and it was just so surreal.

 

And the reason our closeness has so recently come about is because the night before, i dont know how it all happened, but he opened up to me about his inner feelings, about how he is depressed because he feels so empty inside, that he feels like hes messing up every aspect of his life and he doesnt really know what to do about it because he feels like hes losing grip. In the least lame and overly personal way i just tried to make him feel better about it, and gave threw lots of motivational phrases at him etc. to try to cheer him up. Then, and i think this is key, the next day when he texted me, i told him i know how it feels to an extent. And i just went on about how i feel when i am sad, and when i have such a busy mind. I think this made him feel closer to me, because he said that is EXACTLY how he feels all the time.

 

So then we went for a walk......it was nice, we were talking, smilling etc. he said that normally getting out of the house seems like such a chore, but that it actually felt so great to be there. And then, he wanted to know about ME- why i had felt down. This is where i was stuck a bit, because of course i couldnt say 'well its all because of you', so i tried in the best possible way to tell him exactly how i feel and how ive been feeling for the past 6/7 months without actually saying that its to do with him. I went on a rant about every emotion i have been through. And then he seemed quite surprised..asked if im alright, was worried i was getting down, and i said no no, i am fine, i am happy right now.

 

So then the walk continued, and physical contact gradually developed. he became comfortable with holding onto my arm, and little things like that. Then came a point where we decided to lie down on the grass beside each other. it was really romantic i have to say. we were watching the sky until it got dark, and just talking and talking about random things. And at one point i even asked 'so whats happening with you and girls?' and he said that its all really very shallow, there are nice girls who ask him out often because he's involved in the clubbing business but it doesnt interest him. Then he asked about this guy that he thought i was seeing, and i said i wasn't, and he was poking me and trying to tease me. And then gradually, as time developed, we were edging closer and closer to each other. It even started to get cold too so his arm was around me and he was holding me really tight. We were still just talking, our mouths were probably about 3 milimetres apart. I couldnt quite believe just how close we were getting. he was complimenting me a lot, saying i smell nice...i was so close to kissing him but because i was the one leaning over him, i couldnt quite bring myself to make a move like that. And he was staring at me for a few moments, in silence. But then the moment past. I think it was just too daunting a move to make.

 

When we eventually decided to leave, as we walked back he was reminicising about good old days a lot. And then dropped me home, and mentioned that we should watch this movie i mentioned to him before hand, some time this week. SOoo, in short, we were extremely extremely close to a kiss but in a way i am happy it didnt quite happen. It makes it seems more special and kind of...mysterious. because i dont know what was going through his mind at the time, whether he wanted to but was too shy, or whether he thought it was too sudden for our 'situation'. All i know is that i was very happy and had a really amazing time.

He messaged me later saying that his worries and anxieties were getting to him a lot less on that night, had a nice time etc.

I'm just going to see where things go......! I seem to have gotten his trust back, which was always a priority. But its just a bad time for us- with exams coming up, etc. I dont want to jump into anything. To be honest its not even a matter of standing my ground- im just a bit fearful of jumping back into a committed relationship just so suddenly, out of no where. I'm guessing he feels the same way. I've never been in this kind of position before, so i dont really know, i dont want to draw any rash conclusions.

 

Anyway im not really asking for advice, i just thought id update my situation and let you know where i'm at! and you can drop in comments opinions if youve been in similar situations before.

[pumpkinmoon]

That is great It was really nice to read

[Batya33]

That sounds like a nice evening - the kind to just keep as a discreet -- and discrete! -- memory -- without any expectations of anything coming from it so you can just enjoy it for the lovely evening it was.

[lady00]

I think you have the right attitude not to rush into anything. Good luck on your exams!

[Hunny1607307342]

Thanks

so you see SOMETIMES holding on can pay off!

[jammer180]

That's great! I'm so happy for you You are right to hold off a bit.. I'm not sure what your initial breakup story is, or how long it's been... but it sounds like he is interested, especially since he opened up so much to you. Good luck with everything, post back and let us know how it goes!

[Batya33]

I meant based on his past and recent behavior to keep this as a nice memory and have the mindset that it was a lovely experience whether or not it leads to anything more between the two of you - not to muddy it up with expectations that this means you will get back together.