My sob story, 5 year relationship down the drain

[HumanBeing26]

Hello dear friends, although most of you are scattered round the globe I feel close to you as I'm in dire need of someone.

 

This is my story.

Been with my girlfriend for something close to 5 years. It was a relationship with some ups and downs as with any, but we grew very close, not only as bf/gf but as best friends also. We were supposed to get married, her family teased me as their next son in law and similar bs. After 2 years I felt this was the girl I like to spend my life with and I began spoiling her with expensive gifts, more attention etc. Everything was going smooth until last year. It was a hard year for me, I lost a very dear friend to death and some events of similar nature followed which threw me off ballance so I became spaced out in a way, closed myself emotionally and that affected my behaviour around her as well. This lasted around 8 months. She wasn't trying to improve anything either or help me get through, all she did was going emotionally cold throwing things at me like "I'll break up with you do something" when she didn't get the attention she was used to.

 

Then around 3-4 weeks ago she broke up with me. 2 weeks before that things started getting better but she still called it quits. I was acting like mostly anyone here who got this slap, calling her for a week, emailing and explaining myself (I see thats a huge no now).

 

But all she did was being cold, occasional cry and then insulting me with stuff like "I will call the police" "you are weak" "you are pathetic" and similar.

 

I asked for another chance if it was my fault, since throwing 5 years away of something you've build isn't so easy. She said no... or "not now, maybe after 2 years" (lol).

 

I stopped all contact with her. 10 days after that she messages me on skype saying its lonely Monday for her and needs a chat. We had a nice chat. Day after that (april 1st) I called her and she asked if I wanna go out to take some pics of the masks with her. Said cool, picked her up, had nice time out, beer etc, we cried a bit, hugged etc. She said she loves me but not enough and can't do anything with me now. Day after that she came to my sister's graduation event.. And the day after (3rd) we went briefly out but that day she was cold and distant.

 

I called and asked where we stand, does she have another, shall we continue with the relationship or ignore eachtother and finish this forever. She started being nasty again and I asked her not to call me again.

 

week after that (3 days ago) she messages me freaked out about someone trying to break into her gmail (wasn't me, I am dabbing in computers for ages and I know better than to do that since gmail sents you notifications back and I know I'd be the first one to blame). Ofcourse she was blaiming me, I swore I'm not and even wrote her email she could send to google or interpol.

 

All this time she was denying she has anyone else. But my intuition told me otherwise. The past week or so I was going to this new gym and my car was parked near a mall we used to frequent.

 

Yesterday, I went there as usual, parked my car, walked through the mall's parking lot, saw a red car same brand as her's and started walking fast so I don't bump into her. But 10 seconds went by and she came a meter from me with another guy... Mind you we both knew each others mutual friends, relatives and everything and this guy wasn't anyone of sorts..

 

So while I was devastated, going to friends, to everyone I know for helping hand for the past month, she was seeing someone else. After 5 years I didn't get the decency of a sincere breakup, instead I got bunch of mumbo-jumbo about my faults, a huge blame weight which seems was just a cover up for the way she felt bad about what she is doing to me behind my back.

 

I don't know, I feel grateful to God that he showed me this so soon, at least I won't clinge to hope now, blaming myself and eating myself up.

 

I am 26 she is 24. We had it all, she threw it away. I feel proud I did everything humanly possible to mend this but in my mind I know I am better off without her. My heart still suffers but I hope it will be better in time, this is a lesson in life I paid for with 5 years of it.

[Antimonic]

We had it all, she threw it away. I feel proud I did everything humanly possible to mend this but in my mind I know I am better off without her.

 

couldnt aggree with you more, im sorry but if after 5 years of being with someone she treats you like that? id say dont give her the time of day, you obviously loved her alot more then she did you.

 

im sorry that it lasted 5 years only for it to end, but at least youve learned a large number of lessons from this experience, at least its made you a smarter human being.

[sad-soul]

Hello there,

 

let me first tell you. Please do not blame yourself!! I mean you are emotionally hurt so much after loosing your friend. Everyone would be. And this girl did not stand by you. Instead she was selfishly blaming you that the attention is not her. I mean loosing a friend is a very sad and hurtful thing. I think you need to think deeply and long-term if you want a person like this next to you. What if you loose someone in your family, is she going to blame you again that she is not the centre of the attention?! You have the right and you need to grieve, process the feeling of loss over your friend, having that time where you begin to accept and move on but she is not giving you that space to do that. I think she is extremely selfish and self-centred. So you need to really think of yourself now and what is important to you. You seem to suffer so much and she has no understanding for you whatsover!!!

 

And to be honest with you, I am so sorry to tell you this but this girl DOES NOT behave as if the relationship meant the same as to you. She DOES NOT seem to respect you, she does not behave as if 5 years of your time together means a lot. I think you made a mistake. From a girl's point of view, I can tell you and this could be a lesson for the future. Don't spoil a girl too much with gifts, attention. That's the worst thing you can do. You need to remain your own person and you need to keep the identity you had before meeting her and you need to have respect otherwise the girl will not respect you. I mean she calls you "weak". That speaks volumes. She sees you as a weak guy, who will do ANYTHING for this girl. And that's really wrong. She is saying that she "will call police". Can you see how it looks like? I

 

t seems to me and I know this will hurt that she hasn't really loved you on the same level and I don't want to say but it looks like she was using you. It's nice to buy a girl one or two expensive gift for a special occasion but I don't think it's necessary. And this girl does not deserve it. She acts like a spoilt and selfish person. And she knows you are hurting and she is adding to it. She has no respect and no warm feelings towards you after 5 years. I mean who is going to say to their boyfriend that they spent 5 years with that they will call police. I mean she should understand that you are going through a very hard time after the break up. It's wrong really!! And she is calling police? You should tell her that because she is the one who is not leaving you in peace. She is messaging you all the time.

 

And please where is your dignity and respect?! She told you to go out with her after the break up. After how she acted and acts towards you, I would say no to be honest. Otherwise she will think that she can call you at any time and you will run towards her like a small puppy and she will keep using you for gifts, for your time and mainly for her ego boost. It's always nice when we know that there is someone there who adores us but what are YOU getting out of this. You suffer, you are confused, you have no idea where you stand and you are sad and hurt. So please stand up, start being selfish and start looking at YOURSELF not her. She broke up with you, she left you when you needed her the most so please tell me WHY would you want to spend more time with her? I know it's hard after 5 years to say no but she didn't find to break up with you, called you weak, threatened to call police(which I think it's awful thing to say to someone after so much time), accused you of reading her emails and basically treats you so badly?! I mean who does she think she is that you have got to go into her emails. And also it is obvious she is hiding something from you. I would not want to say this but I would not be too surprised if she had some guy after her but she keeps you there because she knows that you will ALWAYS be there ready for her.

 

I think if I were you, I would honestly stop all contact her and really think if that is what you want and makes you happy. I mean there could be a girl out there, who will respect you, who will not demand your attention and expensive gifts when you are at your lowest but you are busy with this girl who is not giving you the LOVE, RESPECT and UNDERSTANDING that you and everyone deserves.

 

I know it's so hard to accept but please think about it. Does it make you happy? You need to heal over your friend. Think about it. What would your friend advise you? I am sure he wouldn't want you to suffer over this girl like you do now. And if your friend would be asking the same questions like you are here, what would you advise him. To carry on with this? I mean you are blaming yourself for contacting her. I mean it's only normal that after 5 years you want to know where you stand. You now need to be the friend to yourself. You are letting yourself to be treated badly and with no respect so please start doing that from now on. If she calls you, contacts you or whatever, tell her that you have other things right now, you need to concentrate on yourself and you wish to have no contact with her as she should realise you are hurt and you need time to get over it. You need to put her on the ground. Stand up for yourself!! You are not weak, remember this.

 

I hope it will help you to open your eyes how others can view your situation and I can tell you, it does not feel right and it does not feel that it is full of love.

 

BE STRONG!! Don't give her anymore of yourself, she honestly does not deserve it with the behaviour towards you. You are not a puppy or puppet. You are a strong guy, who is caring and loving and who will find a girl, who will treat him right but he needs to first realise that this kind of treatment is not right.

[sad-soul]

Oh I have just read your thread again and she actually does have a guy and she dared to bring him closer to you to have a look?? Hm, I have no comments about this but it looks to me that she is ENJOYING seeing you hurt and upset. If she does it again, smile and have a head high and basically show her you don't care. I mean why are people in this world so cold hearted?

 

Well, it's time to be strong and to show her you honestly do not need her.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sad-soul makes some very good points. While you may have retreated for a bit of time, a person who truly loves you would have been there for you...would have understood and would have been patient. It sounds like she just threw temper tantrums. She does sound spoiled..be grateful that you never did end up marrying her...you would have been miserable with her.

[HumanBeing26]

Thank you for the lenghty response sad-soul.

What pains me the most is how I led myself to this situation, crawling for someone who in my mind I know is not worth it. I used to be very strong, self sufficient guy, quit college to persue online career which has been successful, in an Eastern European country without many opportunities I managed to achieve by myself many goals I've had set earlier in life: financial indepence, my own car, big appartment, motorcycle and all the tech toys a guy ever needs. The secluded nature of my job, and sheer solitude of working alone/online in a way severed most of my ties to society. This girl was something like my only bridge to real life, going out etc. My only friend, lover and basically contact apart from occasional visit to my parents place.

 

I feel so bad I neglected some of my old highschool friends.

I didn't buy her presents because she wanted them or I was stupid to fall for her tricks, I always knew better that those can spoil her. My reasoning was that by bying her things I will elevate her level of thinking, that life is not about things you own, and no matter how many toys you have you can't find happyness in them, you have to find it in yourself. I had many things, from most expensive photo cameras, bikes, 12+ computers, home cinemas, plasmas bla bla everything. I wanted to free her from that need that owning things and just buying things all the time makes you happy. I guess I was wrong in my estimates and some people lack that dimension of character to see life in such a way.

 

Anyways, I get the best out of this. She saved me from herself, in my mind I know I'm better off without her.

 

My period of weakness the last month was topped yesterday seeing her with another so soon after the breakup. It was an event served to me on a plate, a sign to move on and get closure, I'm thankful, makes it easier to feel whole again, get the part of myself I've given her back.

[HumanBeing26]

I hate the fact that I think of her so much, like all the time after all she did to me.. woke up in the middle of the night for that reason, woke up in the morning with the same thought. Is it because this event was a huge defeat, because she is an obsession, or this is love and normal? I hate the thought it would take a year to heal as several have said, I should move on and forget her, hate her and go numb but...

[HumanBeing26]

my msn is email removed if someone wants to chat or something.