Today is move-out day

[musashi]

Oh, I'm doing my best to avoid him. I had to use his phone to direct someone from the moving truck company to the house (he screwed up something on the trailer hitch) and as soon as I gave him his phone back I washed my hands with a bleach cloth.

 

I'm doing this for her, not for him. One day when she's having her fiftieth argument with him, she might understand what it means to have character.

 

 

Exactly. You are being the better man and she will realize it. I have to give you all the props in the world for being able to be in the same room with him, let alone helping them. Hang in there, buddy.

[Litgirl01]

Musashi...

OK...get the hair done! After that..you will have shed your sadness and you can begin a new life. Women will be beating down your door.. trust me! LOL

[musashi]

Musashi...

OK...get the hair done! After that..you will have shed your sadness and you can begin a new life. Women will be beating down your door.. trust me! LOL

 

Hehe. I do not know why I am so hesitant to cut my hair. I think it is only because I have not had short hair in 5 years! Plus, I would have to find a good stylist. I am very picky about who cuts my hair.

[summerpeach]

Hehe. I do not know why I am so hesitant to cut my hair. I think it is only because I have not had short hair in 5 years! Plus, I would have to find a good stylist. I am very picky about who cuts my hair.

 

How long is your hair?

[mightymsee]

Thanks eyes. Trying to let her go. It's hard when shes still living in my house. The problem is that I neglected the hell out of her while we were together. I was holding onto the glamour of the single life my friends were living. So, I'm scared that when she leaves, she will only remember how i neglected her. All I want to do now is show her how I can be.

 

The first two weeks I did the whole begging her to come back and that it would be different. She told me that she wanted nothing more than to start a family with me and have kids. It's just sad that when she wanted to do that I didnt. I wasnt mature enough. Now that I'm ready, she's already moved on. It sucks. I've always been one to not know what I have until its gone. What a way to learn a lesson.

[Litgirl01]

Musashi...I'll cut it!

 

Wellll...eyessss...how did it go???

[EyesOnThePrize]

She's gone...we said our goodbyes. I'll give the details in a bit.

[mightymsee]

Good luck eyes. Need some advice for my big move out date!

 

Time for you to get your life back and move on!

[summerpeach]

EYES, we're here for you. I can only image your pain right now.

Let it out.

Oh God, I know how much this hurts.

[EyesOnThePrize]

You know what's funny...I'm doing okay. It's like I realize that everything will be okay in the long run. And, oddly enough, the whole experience made me even more hopeful that we'll get a second chance. Anyway, details in the next post.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Okay, so I get to the house, he's there doing something with the truck. I say hi, he doesn't particularly acknowledge me, and he's busy with something. I get in, the loading goes pretty smoothly. I hand him stuff, we don't want to make a lot of small talk, I think I'm there to do a job more than anything. I'm not feeling angry or bitter or anything. Like I said, I looked at him and just thought "What a sad, pathetic man you are. To be the sort of man that has to chase married women. Why did I waste any time hating you?"

 

The ex bought lunch for us, as I'm sitting at the computer eating mine (that's when I posted earlier) they are sitting with each other on the steps. They are chatting, and he's telling her to finish her food. She says "I don't want to be a fatty!" He says "You're not fat." I chuckled to myself...they will have this discussion more than once. This was the longest I interacted with slimeball, and my impression was that he's an arrogant little general who gets off on giving orders.

 

Anyway, he goes to drive off the truck, and the trailer hitch falls off. I don't know if it was something he did, or something the guy from the truck company who had to come out to fix and earlier issue did. I hope to god that her car doesn't fall off in transit. Her car is one of 2,500 of that model in the WORLD. I think she'd kill him if that happened. Seriously. Scissors in the chest probably.

 

So, the ex is upset because she can't find a couple of the cat so she can say goodbye. One was outside and I got him to come in, one we finally tracked down hiding behind the washing machine. She'll miss the cats a lot. I don't even know if she said goodbye to the dog. She didn't take her out of the cage, at any rate. That stung a little, and she's always been much more of a cat person.

 

Finally, we get around to saying goodbye. First, she invites me to her going away dinner (my housemate said she really wanted me there) and unless I change my mind in the next 15 minutes (I won't) told her I wouldn't feel comfortable there. She understood, although she was kind of disappointed. And in my mind, how would it change anything? Then, we do some small talk about her new place and how she's thinking it might make a nice investment. I think we were dodging the real goodbye.

 

She tells me that she has to do this for herself. I tell her that I am so very proud of her for taking this chance and that I think its great. Really, I do. I am tired of the little girl version of her. I want her to be that incredible woman I always saw. The tells me how I was mean to her so many times. She says she hopes my online friends have been there for me through this, because her online friends weren't there for her, just giving her empty congratulations. Unfortunately, this came as no shock to me. And, its interesting, because you guys and other online friends of mine, really have been here when I needed you, and its made this transition a hell of a lot easier. I apologized for the times I was mean, because I never meant to hurt her. I told her that I thought we both were stubborn and proud and thought that the other person would change if we just waited long enough. A bit to my surprise, she agreed. By this point, we're both fighting back tears. I told her that I really was going to keep working on myself, and she said that I had to prove it to her, which is fair enough. And its another one of those statements that I hear and think that she never wanted this to happen. I told her that I still loved her immensely and she told me she loved me too and at this point the tears are flowing from both of us. She told me that her new bf is a good man, and I told her that I wasn't going to talk about him. I just said that in a month or three months or whatever, she'd find out if I was full or crap or if he wasn't the man she thinks he is. I tell her that I if there is ever a crisis or emergency, that I would be on the first flight out to see her. And I told her again that as long as I was alive, she would never be alone in the world. I talked about how she was right back in January when she said that "this chapter is closed", and I said that it didn't mean that we couldn't write a new chapter where we got things right. She tells me that she's going to be back in town in June and she wants to see me then. I told her I couldn't guarantee that today, which she didn't like. I told her about my housemate, who recently talked to his ex-partner about coming out for a visit, and they started arguing, and he realized that he wasn't ready to see him yet...and that's been over a year. I told her that I didn't want to see her if we were just going to argue. And I think I'll be okay to see her by June...I'll have 2 1/2 months to work on myself. We are in a close embrace now, crying on each others shoulders. I tell her again I love her, and she tells me again she loves me.

 

She has to go, she has to get ready for her dinner...but we have one more embrace and exchange of I love you's. She tells me that she'll see me in June, and that we'll talk before then. I tell her that's fine, but its likely to be a while before she hears from me. And then she was out the door. When I got back to the office, I sent her two text messages, the last she'll hear from me until at least May 8, and I don't expect her to reply. The first said "I am so very proud of you. I love you and always will. I am never going to stop trying to turn myself into someone you would like to get together with" and the second said "Goodbye for now but not forever."

 

I'm sad and I'm relieved and I'm hopeful at the same time. I know she's hurt now, I'm hurt, too. I know we need time to heal. And I know she still wants me in her life, and I think she still wants me as a big part of her life. And I have to prove myself to her. And she has to prove herself to me, too...but the raw emotion, the love between us is still there, and I still believe that the end of our story is far from written.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Okay...that was weird...she just called. I picked up (I'll start NC tomorrow) and the call dropped. Did she dial by accident? Maybe hit the wrong option when looking at the text message? Is she going to make one last plea for me to come to dinner? I dunno...just weird.

 

One thing I didn't mention above. My housemate thinks that there is some mutual using going on with my ex and slimeball. She's using him as her comfort factor to make the move to a new state easier, and he's using her to say he got this hot chick who is a celebrity in her industry. While I think they have real feelings for each other, there's a certain sense in this, too.

[mightymsee]

Man, eyes, that is amazing. Well done. I am saving that post for the day when my ex moves out. I hope I can only handle it the same way. I'm proud of you. I completely believe that you will become a better person from this and you will be completely happy in no time. Who knows what you future will hold you, but you will be better from this.

 

I hope nothing but the best for you. I think you realize that life is now going to move on in the right direction. Good luck!

[segor56]

I'm sorry that you are having this day today. You sound very strong and composed and you have your dignity.

 

I would have to agree completely with your housemate. She is using him as her comfort and he is for sure using her for her, as you said 'hotness'.

 

Real deep love always rises above surface infatuation.

 

I wish you the best.

[Litgirl01]

Hang in there eyes!! xx You are doing incredibly well!!!

[greensleeves]

Eyes...I've just read this thread and skimmed over some of your other ones...I can't believe how well you're handling everything. You've taken the high road and shown true strength and character...way to go! I hope that now the healing can begin for you...you deserve the very best and judging from what I've read, I think she's made a terrible mistake. I'm in your corner rooting for you every step of the way

[mrmaximum]

Okay...that was weird...she just called. I picked up (I'll start NC tomorrow) and the call dropped. Did she dial by accident? Maybe hit the wrong option when looking at the text message? Is she going to make one last plea for me to come to dinner? I dunno...just weird.

 

One thing I didn't mention above. My housemate thinks that there is some mutual using going on with my ex and slimeball. She's using him as her comfort factor to make the move to a new state easier, and he's using her to say he got this hot chick who is a celebrity in her industry. While I think they have real feelings for each other, there's a certain sense in this, too.

 

I can tell you this, that was no accident. She did want to call you and then she turned chicken. Anyway, no worries, this is no longer your problem. At this point you need to work on yourself, like you have already said and have already begun. She is now your past, you need to focus on the present and then the future. I read about how you need to prove yourself to her, from what you posted on another thread this actually should be the reverse but that is just semantics at this point.

 

You're doing very well, eyes, keep up the good work!!!

[EyesOnThePrize]

mrmaximum - I did things that seriously eroded her trust in me. I want to win back that trust. I don't think that 1 or 2 months of work on myself will do that...I eroded the trust over years, it will take some time to build back up. And yes, she has to prove herself to me, too. Part of what made the conversation comforting was that I realized that it really wasn't about slimeball. She really is taking a huge step to move her life forward. And that side of her is the woman I adore. She has always had this great strength and never believed in herself. I think she still doesn't, and right now I think she needs me most as her biggest cheerleader. I've always been that, just not always effectively (sort of like a cheerleader yelling "Go Team! Don't suck so much this week!"). I'm just not ready to do that yet. I need to take care of me before I can give her the support I think she wants.

 

She is my past, and I do hope she's my future, too. But life doesn't hold guarantees on things like that, so I think I have to assume that she won't be, and just be happy if she is.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Eyes...I've just read this thread and skimmed over some of your other ones...I can't believe how well you're handling everything. You've taken the high road and shown true strength and character...way to go! I hope that now the healing can begin for you...you deserve the very best and judging from what I've read, I think she's made a terrible mistake. I'm in your corner rooting for you every step of the way

 

Its the second hardest thing I've done in my life (the 1st was deciding to quit gambling). And she means that much to me. Even if we're never together again, because of her inspiration I will emerge a much better man.

[mrmaximum]

Just read you last thread which you referred......yeah that was mean in a lot of ways, however, she is still the LAST person to be telling you that she can't trust you.

[greensleeves]

Its the second hardest thing I've done in my life (the 1st was deciding to quit gambling). And she means that much to me. Even if we're never together again, because of her inspiration I will emerge a much better man.

 

You're showing her what true love is...letting her go, wishing her the best, and actually meaning it. It's obvious that it's not just lip service. Even if you never end up back with her, I think you're very lucky to have experienced this much love for someone, I'm just so sorry that it's taken this turn for you.

 

BUT...now you start a brand new chapter, I hope it's a good one for you.

[musashi]

Eyes - good job on the move. You did the right thing and handled it a million times better than I think I could have. There will probably be some rough times ahead but stay strong! We are here for you. Keep working on yourself and, if nothing else, see this as a big step forward in self improvement and self love.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Eyes - good job on the move. You did the right thing and handled it a million times better than I think I could have. There will probably be some rough times ahead but stay strong! We are here for you. Keep working on yourself and, if nothing else, see this as a big step forward in self improvement and self love.

 

These days...self love is the only type giving me any satisfaction.

[summerpeach]

And I told her again that as long as I was alive, she would never be alone in the world.

 

"Goodbye for now but not forever."

 

Your entire post was so very touching and loving and beautiful, but these two comment made me tear up.

 

The words in your post and these comments above are how my ex would speak to me. You very much remind me of him. Makes me wonder if I'll regret not being with him

 

EYES, you are a brave guy and this pain is going to be a gift and your saving grace because you seem to be growing from this.

 

I suspect you are going to do OK

[Addicus]

I wasn't on the forum yesterday but wanted to send you hugs and tell you thta you inspire many people even in the midst of your own pain! You have the guts and courage to share it with the world! YOu are not only going to be OK you are going to be amazing! You are amazing! Thank you for sharing!