What do you think? Difference between women cheating and men cheating?

[Enigmatika]

I don't like splitting hairs, cheaters are cheaters regardless of sex. Please don't try and place blame on the men for why women cheat.

Have to agree with you.

[mrmaximum]

while i do think cheating is inexcusable.. women do have a tendency to cheat for much BETTER reasons than men. what i mean by "better" reasons is.. reasons with actual substance, not just "ooh this person makes me horny, im gonna sex them and i dont care about my SO". women cheat when something crucial is missing for an extended period of time, whereas men make the decision to cheat in a second, and simply because they're horny.

 

This attitude is very dangerous and one which I touched upon earlier. The whole idea that women must be treated a certain way so as not to provoke some negative action insinuates that they are not in control of their actions and must be taken care of. This is what I mean by the whole idea where a man is lambasted for cheating and a women is consoled, 'obviously it wasn't your fault, he drove you to this.' I think not. These excuses only serve to widen the gap between the genders and add fuel to the fire in the gender war.

 

Better reasons, more substantial? Please, a random killing in the street vs a thought out, and methodical hit on someone doesn't change the fact that someone has been killed and it is against the law. This has been one of the flimsiest excuses I have ever heard.

[tictactoe2006]

very well put. I attibute a lot of this to the 'lifetime tv generation', where, over the course of one afternoon, oyu can watch "women good men bad" at 1, followed by the sequel "women terrific men terrible" at 3, and "women great men awful" at 5PM

 

Seriously, though, you are right. I am a firm believer in gender equality. You cannot pick and choose what items to be equal on, it has to be all or nothing.

[cs90453]

I agree as well. I too have always been a firm believer of gender equality. I've been through counciling, read books, read alot of input on forums and the general suggestion I get from it is that women's reasons for this are better than men's or that women are driven to another man at the fault of her husband. I believe that we both surcome to stresses from our surroundings everyday weither it's from work, home, etc. No question that the situations are different at times but it's still stress none the less.

 

My point is that if I cheated on my wife, she would have saw it as something I did. She would obviously question why I did such a thing and I really don't think that I would try and blame her for what I did...don't know how I could do it to be honest. At first when she tried to blame me for the failure in our marriage, I thought that it was reflex. Then I started to read on this and I realize that most women generally believe the same. As a man, I have to say that I am offended by this. Men and women make choices and live with the consequences.

[law1204]

When a man and a woman start dating, the man does not go over to the woman's house, change her oil, and then leave.

 

They talk, share, laugh, do stuff, and go out.

 

Fast forward a few years, and the man thinks he is fulfilling his wife's needs by painting the siding. Who wants to have to deal with all that relationship analysis? Men just wanna relax, get laid, and get something to eat, right?

 

The woman expresses dissatisfaction with this arrangement, but the man avoids having to deal with this by accusing her of wanting "special treatment."

 

Men and women are different. Equal, but different. Sometimes so different that they have no hope of meeting each other's needs. Cheating is just a symptom of that problem, IMO. There's no excuse for it to be sure. But there are reasons.

 

--Law

[cs90453]

Oh and women never take advantage of a relationship do they. I never said that I was the perfect husband but she was no perfect wife either and I'm not talking about the affair too. I love the way you put it when the wife expresses dissatisfaction with the relationship, I could put it another way. When a wife gets bored or in the mood for a strange piece and decides to go out and have sex with another person. You expect men to swallow that rubbish? Women take advantage of long term relationships too as much as men do. The love I had for my wife went deeper than the dating phase. I would have died for that woman without a thought and I thought that she felt the same. You think that siding is going to paint itself?

[law1204]

Oh and women never take advantage of a relationship do they.

 

I am sure there are some that do. A problem that is not remedied by painting the siding. Communication is key. Not a lot of men willing to go there. Or if they do, it's in a controlling fashion. Just my observation - a generalization that doesn't I am sure apply to everyone.

 

I love the way you put it when the wife expresses dissatisfaction with the relationship, I could put it another way. When a wife gets bored or in the mood for a strange piece and decides to go out and have sex with another person.

 

Put it however you want. Being in a relationship means you are responsible for the atmosphere in that relationship, at least by half. So if it goes south, you are partially to blame, whether you like it or not. If your wife is bored, why didn't you do something about it? Or, did you just not care?

 

You expect men to swallow that rubbish?

 

I would expect that a man who is old enough to be married to be mature enough to admit to making mistakes. But, I notice that not to many male egos can handle that. Which can be why women cheat. They know their husbands ain't gonna change. Because changing requires admitting there is a problem. Blaming someone else is always easier.

 

Women take advantage of long term relationships too as much as men do.

 

AS MUCH AS men? If you were so upset about your wife taking advantage of your relationship, why did you not end things or tell her what you thought?

 

The love I had for my wife went deeper than the dating phase.

 

That's like me cutting my husband off sexually and then telling him I love him deeper than that sex phase.

 

I would have died for that woman without a thought and I thought that she felt the same.

 

A nice sentiment to be sure. I am sure my husband felt the same while he was abusing me. Whether or not you are willing to die for your wife (so would most police officers, military personnel, firefighters, etc who I am sure probably don't know her personally) is not a statement on the atmosphere of your day to day interaction which is really where the problems tend to crop up, do they not?

 

You think that siding is going to paint itself?

 

I dunno, do you think your wife should talk to herself? Do you think the fresh siding makes her feel closer to you? Cause I can tell you from personal experience that the new polycarb on my deck roof didn't make me feel any better when my husband was calling me a selfish wh0re.

 

--Law

[cs90453]

Well it sounds to me that your situation was different than mine. Sorry that happened to you and I can only imagine how that was. Hope you're doing better. I never abused my wife....never. Never even once had the thought even through all of this of abusing her. I just wanted her to be responsible for what she did and stop blaming me. I never said that I was the perfect husband and I still don't say it but I always felt that I had it where it counted. My wife works shifts and usually every second weekend. I never and I mean never did anything without her on the weekends she was off. Sure we didn't do alot sometimes even if it was watching movies together cuddled into each other on the couch but we did it together. We went out to movies sometimes but not alot. We went on drives when the weather was nice and things like that...not alot but we did it. We even purchased a snowmobile and I never denied her to come with me even when it was all guys going on the trip, I still took her with me. I kissed her and thanked her for every meal she cooked for us and I helped with that too.

 

I wasn't the best husband but I wasn't the worst one either...I always believed there was room for improvement....who dosen't? Apart from all of this, she didn't decide that I wasn't enough and leave to pursue another relationship, she went outside to find someone else and that's what I have the problem with.

[littlestar]

in my opnion, cheating is cheating no matter who does it but i have read a few books on cheating and i agree they do justify a woman cheating more than they do for a man. Unfair really.

[Extra Crispy]

Sure unmet emotional needs (sex for men, attention for women) can create a marital environment where one spouse may be vulnerable to the opportunity to meet those needs outside the marriage BUT it is still no excuse to cheat. If the marriage is that unfulfilling, and there is no willingness on the part of the other spouse to help improve and resolve the issues, then the only honorable thing is to separate and eventually divorce. An affair only makes matters worse for everybody in the end.

[cs90453]

That's a good point. If things aren't going well for either person in a relationship why don't they leave? I wasn't fully satisfied in my relationship at times and I'm sure she wasn't either...that much is obvious. I always felt that I was here to listen to anything I could and communicate with her. But then when I wouldn't agree with her about some things she would walk away and even when I followed her around the house to try and explain how I felt about things she would just stop talking so I would just stop explaining myself. I tried to look past her faults and except her for who she was. Relationships shouldn't be this complicated.

[cs90453]

I guess that there's a number of reasons for cheating for both men and women but the end is the same...the cheater tends to blame the other person. Unfulfillment in a relationship can happen on a number of levels for both I'm sure. Men may look on the physcial aspect while women look at the emotional. I feel that one isn't anymore important than the other if a person feels that this is missing and it's up to the other to decide if what they are asking for is too much. Communication is key, but I also feel that both people have to keep an open mind to what the issues are so they can be discussed openly. I also feel that when someone cheats, they decide that their issues are more important than the other's.