Grief causing damage to my career

[lostwithouthim]

I returned to work part time about 3 months after my partner's death and over the last 4 months have tried to work up to full time. I have no focus whatsoever and feel that my job is suffering so much that unless I get it together within the next two weeks I may need to look for work. I can't even imagine having to start a new job right now, or needing to pound the pavement looking for one for that matter.

 

I consider it a successful day if I get out of bed before noon and shower before going to bed at night. I consistently eat one meal, possibly two each day. I've been seeing a counselor and I'm on anti-depressants. There are no bereavement support groups within 40 minutes of where I live and due to the horrific nature of the car accident (in addition to the fact that I'm still waiting for insurance money to reimburse me for the car) I'm not yet driving. I don't know what to do to improve my work habits/focus. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has struggled with this and would greatly appreciate any advice. I have very little in savings and already missed 3 months of work due to my own injuries, so I cannot simply take time off.

 

It's just so difficult to keep going, especially when everyone around thinks that my life should be somewhat 'normal' by this point while I feel like my life is so light years away from any semblance of normalcy.

[kuiks8]

I can not even begin to imagine what it must be like. I just wanted to let you know that I am so sorry for what has happened in your life and you have my prayers.

Is the counselor helping? Do you have any spiritual beliefs? Have you maybe considered looking in to yoga therapy? I think if you have a spiritual side it might be of some benefit to do 1 on 1 yoga therapy with a trained professional...they could maybe help you get grounded again and help you find peace in times of darkness.

I would also look in to finding someone trained in EMDR- here is a site that explains it:

link removed

you have suffered immense trauma and tragedy you need to find safe coping mechanisms...do you have family in the area who could support you through this time?

if you ever need anything feel free to PM me...even just to vent

Blessings in this dark time.

JP

[kevinm]

Wow... I know how you feel having lost my wife almost 2 years ago. You are still in what I call the "zombie" stage. I would go into stores and feel like I was on the outside looking in... around me were all these happy people, and there I was just like a zombie. It was like I was inside my own head, controlling this robot that was my body, and looking through a windshield at everything. It's so hard, I know... and there is really little I can do to comfort you beyond letting you know that others like myself have gone through the same tradgedy. My motto during those days was simple: One day at a time. Just make incremental improvments, keep eating, keep working through your feelings, keep on truckin'. Eventually the sting becomes a little less dull. If you didn't love him it wouldn't hurt, so your pain is a testament to your love. Your lost love would want you to move forward and be happy again. Time will heal you, just don't give up.

 

-Kevin

[romantic sweetheart]

I am deeply saddened to hear about your loss--Because the heart and soul know pain, know grief, know love, I can imagine your great suffering. My heart goes out to you now.....

 

Grief and healing are both processes, and what you are experiencing now is normal, is healthy, and is part of you, and part of the love you feel and will always feel for your partner. There is no set timetable for getting "better"--what we "get" is time, is experience, wisdom, compassion, grace, and courage--through our pain and our loss.

 

But none of these things are comforting now--The pain is what is real, and the heart steadfastly endures it the best it can.

 

You are doing the best you can.

 

It matters only what the timetable of your own soul and heart is--not what others think you ought to be doing or feeling--This is your loss, your pain. You are the one experiencing it. You are the one who is coping, and you need not feel troubled if you are not feeling 100% better in just a few short months.

 

I have more to say, but I will make this short so as to get this out to you--to encourage you, to give you a hug, to tell you that you are protected, cared for, and comforted---That your pain is to be experienced, honoured, and understood in whatever way it comes out---

 

Love and comfort to you today, tonight, and always.....