Keep Breathing - It'll be ok

[grieving]

Hi all,

 

I hope you've all weathered Thanksgiving ok.

 

I just wanted to share some of the healing that's been going on in my life -as we're all sharing similar experiences, perhaps some of you will take hope, as I'm finally starting to.

 

I was sitting at my family's Thanksgiving table when one of my cornier uncles decided to have us all go around the table and share our thoughts on what we're all thankful for.

 

I rolled my eyes to myself and when my turn was up, I said "I'm thankful for my life." And god was I surprised to feel the wave of relief that accompained uttering that sentence. From the bottom of my soul, I was able to give thanks for something, despite the rocky road I've been travelling for the past few years.

 

And as those nostalgic black holes creep up on me in the morning, I let the memories come and go. When they leave, I find something to be grateful for. Silly things, like my car or cable TV. Just saying out loud, "I'm really happy I'm eating this ice cream cone right now" calms so much turmoil, if even for just a moment.

 

And, after a few conversations with several friends, it has begun to occur to me that a life partner stands strong and true, through all the adversities of life. Love can go through hard times, it's true. But love itself shouldn't be this complicated.

 

We all deserve better than the lovers who have left us without closure, or simply because they weren't happy at the moment. We deserve to be loved unselfishly, and unconditionally. It doesn't matter why they left - they did. And they will suffer the consequences of their inability to love long and lastingly through the best and worst of us and themselves.

 

My friend told me that I'd be writing a thank-you note to my ex in the next two months, for revealing himself to be the inconstant and unreliable lover that he is.

 

And as I look back on things, I begin to see how badly I wanted my relationship to be forever, but how obviously it wasn't for me. I used to sit down and convince myself that I was a fool for not wanting to spend the rest of my life with this man. Scary, isn't it, what we can convince ourselves of?

 

Look back on your relationship. You will see the fatal flaws that were always there. And once you accept these, you will find your heart lighten and begin to move on.

 

Slowly, but you will.

 

And if you and your ex-lover are meant for each other, time and the universe will bring them back to you. But for now, revel in yourself and your life.

 

-Grieving

[mike-e-mike]

Hi grieving, it is very strange and cosmic that i come accross your message tonight. I am thinking of memories of my ex and your message is very relevant and very appropriate. I hope one day she will realise it is her loss but part of me also knows that life just completely shits on some people, and some people dont share the moral values that i do.

 

If my ex knows what is good for her she wont ever try to ask for me back, I will revel in leading her on and making her suffer as much as possible. I don't know about your ex but some things are un-forgivable. Forget being meant for eachother how do you explain widowers re-marrying and that sort of thing? There are lots of people that you can fall in love with its just a matter of finding them, its all genetic, research Schopenhauer

[parker_jones]

Hi grieving,

 

I totally agree with your post. After the end of a relationship it is easy to reminiscent in the past, what could have been, if only I had done this ...etc.

 

But in the end if things were meant to be then we would still be together with our respective partners. I have been separated now from my gf for 5 months, after a 6 year relationship. Things do get better and I have taken it as a life enhancing experience, which will hopefully make me a stronger person. Sure I still sometimes look back. But god has given us this life and we must make the most of it. In the end it is their loss and somebody elses gain.

 

parker jones

United kingdom