Any stories of ex coming back after they said no chance?

[bellanicola003]

Eddie, you are me to the T!!! I want it and I want it right now! Sadly though, I've realized that I can't be that way because it can only make things worse.

Just try not to always be there at every turn - I did that with my bf when we were getting back together. I wouldn't answer a text back quickly, go out with my friends (Heck, even if I just went to my friends to sit and talk) - it was worth it to get my mind off of him and what he was doing!

As much as I hate going slow, I have to say that I respect him for that because it's the best way to go...jumping back in is all about the emotion...but sticking it out is about the LOVE and FRIENDSHIP!

 

Good Luck!!!!

[dasilver]

Thank you so much bellanicola003 for this post.

 

I just finished reading a book called Make Up Don't Break Up by Dr. Bonnie Weil and she said that too many times people change the person instead of the problem. She's a firm believer in relationships standing the test of time and even says that in some cases (mutual) break-ups are necessary to reboot a relationship. Otherwise we'll just keeping moving from one person to another.

 

She did say though that in some cases it is best to move on from some relationsips (e.g.abusive relationships)....but more times than none, if both parties are willing to to put the effort into a come back, then they should....and to always remember that the relationship will not be the same. It will be different, as it should.

[Ain]

I feel like if you have a choice between an ex and a new person you should always choose the new person. The ex you know it may not work out, the new person you don't know. I believe you have more chance at success with the new person. Also if you choose the new person its possible if that doesn't work out the ex may still be around. There is no way any self respecting new person would still hang around if you chose your ex over him/her.

[Orchid98]

I need some advice here

 

My ex and I tried doing the "lets be friends" thing and it turned out to be FWB. We've been together for 4 years BTW. I became too emotional and kept mentioning us getting back together. I kept calling him to hang out, kept texting him, and usually he will say "I can't" then I would go crazy (not yelling or screaming but more of crying and sadness with anxiety to be with him!). So last weekend he said he can't do this anymore and that he is cutting all ties with me, doesn't want to see me or talk to me. I asked him if there was any hope in us getting back together and he said "no, i don't want to keep leading you on".

 

So three days later I msged him and said that I didn't like how things ended, i apologize for being so pushy, hope things are well. Then he msged me saying that its all good and he has nothing but love for me and to hit him up. He then called me later that night but I didn't answer because I was sleeping but I never msged him back or called him back. Was that a good idea? I don't feel like contacting him because I feel that I will just set myself up for disappointment.

 

I know my topic is a bit different but he did give me an impression of us not having a chance to talk or see each other again. But now he's leaving that door open for us to. But I don't think I'm ready. What should I do?

[solidbunker]

All of them!

They go places,meet people,start new RS's,and when they realize how good they had it before then they come back.

If no dating then I might consider it.

Thats just me.

[secondchance67]

Hope can be an anchor to the pain.

 

Hope can keep you connected, instead of actually letting go and accepting things as they really are. If you hold onto the "hope" that your ex will have a change of heart, call, break NC,etc....all it does it keep you anchored, right there were you stand, ....waiting.

 

Hoping for those things are comforting, but also very counter-productive to the healing process.

 

If you want to have hope, then have it in a better future for yourself, one in which the BU has taught you about yourself, your personal boundaries in a relationship, and what you want in a partner next time around.

[marconi68]

The Big Question is have you healed? Have you healed enough to be happy on your own, then to meet someone on equal grounds, whether it's your ex or someone new? If your still grieving it is not a good foundation to enter a relationship, ex or otherwise.

 

It's important to be able to know how to be comfortable with yourself, especially after a break up. To think and reflect, improve if need be. Always be suspicious of people who overlap relationships, rebound quickly or move from person to person without a break. They often cannot stand on their own 2 feet. They need another person to define them. But sooner or later, quite often later, they crash and burn because they haven't reflected on or processed events in their lives.

 

Crush your hopes and heal complete first. Then if your ready to meet someone you have a healthy basis to build up on. If that's an ex, fine. Probably better off with someone new, a brand new canvas.

[italiannmf24]

Now I'm wondering why she hasn't called by now to reconcile. I find myself unable to think about anything else but her. And it's driving me crazy that 2 gfs come back to my bro, and my ex won't come back to me...and she's the love of my life!

 

The hurt will go away once you let go of the idea that she's eventually gonna come back. The best reconciliations are the unexpected ones.

[2005TAHOE]

Mine has come back. NC helped. I'm not exactly sure how I even feel about this though. The way I've approached it is as if we're having an almost fresh start. There's still a few things that I'm angry with her about though, we'll see if they can be overcome.

 

But that being said, I actually don't want to encourage you to think she'll come back. I never thought mine would come back after she broke up with me, and I said some extremely harsh things to her that I thought would ensure she'd never feel comfortable trying to remain in my life. It was a combination of her finding out that the grass on the other side is in fact not greener, and a somewhat chance event that brought us back.

 

I am in the same boat, we both said some mean things out of anger and emotion. She went to live back with her mom and I know for a fact that her mom is influencing her to not contact me and controlling her decisions. I have been NC for 2 weeks except for one email, to send her babys pictures from her old phone to her. I pray every night for her to call me or text me.

[bluecastle]

I am a major romantic and have always loved the idea of reconciling with an ex. That said, for it to work you really, truly have to let go of the first incarnation of the relationship. A few weeks, a few months—it's not enough. You have to LET GO, move forward, tap back into your inner core, strengthen it, and only then is there a chance. And, even then, that chance is predicated on how the other person has evolved during that time.

 

A potentially sweet story (but not so sweet for those of you a few weeks out):

 

I recently reunited with an ex of 10 years ago. It could not have been more unexpected. Our relationship, while loving and intense, was so very toxic—one of those life phases you look back on with no shortage of sadness. We didn't talk for a few years, then became friendly, primarily over the phone. But this past Dec we ended up crossing the line into intimacy, and are now slowly, very slowly, exploring if it's possible. We're very different people now—we've lived, we've loved, we've grown. It feels like a new thing with someone who understands and sees me on a deep level. Where it goes, I don't know. But I guess my point is: you have to let go, fully, and live your life. If the relationship comes back around, terrific; but if you try to force it, you'll find yourself right back in the same dynamic that didn't work the first time.

[AZWoman]

1. Guy I dated ended things saying his parents will not agree to our relationship. I was a mess and cried over phone, begged him to take me back. But he was firm and even rude. Declined to meet me for one last time. Anyways... in the past 12 years or so since this happened... he had reached out to me multiple times trying to make conversations, complimenting me etc etc... I never encouraged anything and ended those conversations politely.

 

2. Guy I liked and even confessed my love to said he does not like me that way. I was hurt. Over the last 10 years he had reached out to me... trying to flirt with me, complimenting me, inviting me to see him and what not! But I kept my responses short and did not allow anything more.

 

3. Guy I met online and dated who eventually ghosted me... reached out to me on Facebook after 2.5 years and asked to hangout again. I blocked him.

 

4. Another guy I met online and dated who broke up with me over text because he met someone else... reached out a year later to say he thinks of me and should have given me more time and he felt bad about what he did and invited me to meet him... I did not meet him.

 

And the list goes on....

 

I don't know what would have happened or happen if I meet these guys again.

[ZHPpilot1]

But I guess my point is: you have to let go, fully, and live your life. If the relationship comes back around, terrific; but if you try to force it, you'll find yourself right back in the same dynamic that didn't work the first time.

 

Very well said.