Caterina Posted March 6, 2008 Author Share Posted March 6, 2008 I think that is only one kind of leading on. I think another kind involves the other person actually doing things that they do with someone they are interested in being in a relationship with and saying how into the person they are and then suddenly saying they don't want to be dating or declare that they are and/or have been "just friends" the entire time despite acting and speaking as someone who is more than just friends. I've seen it happen to others. It's happened to me too. EXACTLY. I have to, its evil. Link to comment
lady00 Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 My hope is that leading people on is something people grow out of...I think it definitely happens a lot with younger people (both boys and girls) who get a kick out of being "players," with the intent of just seducing people they aren't into just to get an ego boost and just to seem cool to their friends. However, despite this being my hope, I'm skeptical about whether or not everyone who once did this grows out of it. Link to comment
Caterina Posted March 6, 2008 Author Share Posted March 6, 2008 My hope is that leading people on is something people grow out of...I think it definitely happens a lot with younger people (both boys and girls) who get a kick out of being "players," with the intent of just seducing people they aren't into just to get an ego boost and just to seem cool to their friends. However, despite this being my hope, I'm skeptical about whether or not everyone who once did this grows out of it. What about 28 year olds...is that in the young category? Link to comment
lady00 Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 What about 28 year olds...is that in the young category? LOL. No...I meant more like get it out of your system in college at the latest. Link to comment
Lucy__lou Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 yeah I'd say so... There was this guy at my work who I was sure was pursuing me (or trying to but doing a poor job of it). Once I caught on and started putting in an effort with him (instead of ignoring him as I had been), he was satisfied and didn't pursue me any further. I suspect he just wanted to confirm to himself that he had a chance with me, without going any further than that. Link to comment
RealBrookeI Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 The way I figure it when two people meet they either both lead each other on which is known as flirting and they both go there meery way. Boy leads girl on which leads to her having a crush on someone who doesnt really like them that Girl leads boy on which leads to boy daydreaming about girl and if ever he tries to make it something more he gets shot down. Or boy and girl dont lead each other on and move on to someone else who is leading. The keyword here is leadso instead of getting upset and wondering why people are leading you around perhaps its time to take control of your life and start leading yourself. Link to comment
Caterina Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 yeah I'd say so... There was this guy at my work who I was sure was pursuing me (or trying to but doing a poor job of it). Once I caught on and started putting in an effort with him (instead of ignoring him as I had been), he was satisfied and didn't pursue me any further. I suspect he just wanted to confirm to himself that he had a chance with me, without going any further than that. I've heard of that happening before...its really odd. What is wrong with these people? Link to comment
Caterina Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 The way I figure it when two people meet they either both lead each other on which is known as flirting and they both go there meery way. Boy leads girl on which leads to her having a crush on someone who doesnt really like them that Girl leads boy on which leads to boy daydreaming about girl and if ever he tries to make it something more he gets shot down. Or boy and girl dont lead each other on and move on to someone else who is leading. The keyword here is leadso instead of getting upset and wondering why people are leading you around perhaps its time to take control of your life and start leading yourself. Sometimes difficult though. For instance: I have a full proof plan that protects me from rejection, or so I thought. I never ask out a guy...I assume he doesn't like me unless he asks me out. But when a guy says he likes you but doesn't ask you out, what do you do? Its leading you on...you think something is going to happen when it won't. Link to comment
boo121 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 If you have, whats your story? Do men lead on women? If so, for what reasons- ego? Have you ever had a friend lead you on? Yes i have a few times before. Doesnt happen anymore though. If you're upfront about meeting up and you communicate that you have standards / dont accept second class behaviour from others, this stuff doesnt happen. It's easier to lead on somebody who is gullaball. Link to comment
boo121 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Sometimes difficult though. For instance: I have a full proof plan that protects me from rejection There's no full proof plan for not getting rejected. You've got no control over what others think. You can increase your chances of succeeding but thats about it. Link to comment
lady00 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 OK, I have finally figured out two good examples, one of not being led on and one of being led on and both happened to me LOL. Case #1: I was seeing a guy and I really liked him. I asked him if he was single and he said yes. I told him that I really liked him. He reiterated that he was single and said I worried too much and that he wasn't with anyone. Turns out, he was trying to get back together with an ex and did just that. Some would say he was honest because he was not 100% back together with her so he was technically single...I say, give me a break! He was trying to get back with her and should have told me as much when I asked about his relationship status. To me, that is leading on...because he lied about his situation so that I wouldn't lose interest and move on until he was secure in getting back together with an ex, because he wanted me as a backup. Case #2: I was seeing a guy who said he was into me, physically and emotionally. He changed his mind. I don't consider that being lead on. I think his feelings changed...big difference between feelings changing and leading someone on. Link to comment
CaptainPlanet Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 I think this is an awesome point: people generally aren't led on by others, but are led on by themselves by misconstruing actions of others, or not acknowledging the whole truth. That doesn't mean I don't hate the for it. Link to comment
RealBrookeI Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 He didnt lead you on and if all you asked him was was he single he didnt lie to you either. While it would be nice nif everybody told us everybody they were seeing in a non committed way it doesnt work that way for most. You just failed to impress him in a way that would cause him to want to get with you instead of going back with his ex Link to comment
Killasasparilla Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 My last girlfriend thought I only wanted her for sex, so she kept on saying she would... Then she didn't. Thats not why I broke up with her though. Link to comment
Caterina Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 He didnt lead you on and if all you asked him was was he single he didnt lie to you either. While it would be nice nif everybody told us everybody they were seeing in a non committed way it doesnt work that way for most. You just failed to impress him in a way that would cause him to want to get with you instead of going back with his ex Wrong- he was decietful. Deciet doesn't need a direct lie to lean on...its still wrong. He could have given her a heads up about his situation instead of acting like he was completely free and even saying "relax- I'm single." Its not about her impressing anyone, thats just stupid. Link to comment
RealBrookeI Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Wrong- he was decietful. Deciet doesn't need a direct lie to lean on...its still wrong. He could have given her a heads up about his situation instead of acting like he was completely free and even saying "relax- I'm single." Its not about her impressing anyone, thats just stupid. If you arent dating someone exclusively then you are free to see as many people as you like and choose the one you like the best. Perhaps in your world you like to tell people that you arent seeing exclusively that you are seeing a lot or maybe other people but not on an exclusive basis yet the truth is if I am not seeing you exclusively then I am single and dont have to tell you who else I am seeing besides you when I say that I am single that means I am not exclusive with you or anybody else which means I could or could not be seeing a lot of different people. When I find the one well then I drop off all the rest. If you cant handle that then you need to do a better job of describing "single" Link to comment
lady00 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 If you arent dating someone exclusively then you are free to see as many people as you like and choose the one you like the best. Perhaps in your world you like to tell people that you arent seeing exclusively that you are seeing a lot or maybe other people but not on an exclusive basis yet the truth is if I am not seeing you exclusively then I am single and dont have to tell you who else I am seeing besides you when I say that I am single that means I am not exclusive with you or anybody else which means I could or could not be seeing a lot of different people. When I find the one well then I drop off all the rest. If you cant handle that then you need to do a better job of describing "single" To clarify, I asked him if he was seeing anyone and he responded that he was not seeing anyone (not that it would have mattered to me, I think people are free to date around...we were not in anything exclusive). He also said something along the lines of "relax, I'm single." So yes, not seeing anyone else + single to me does not equate with trying to get back with an ex. This was after I told him I was starting to like him. Then days later he was in a committed relationship with his ex (I found this out online). Link to comment
RealBrookeI Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 To clarify, he told me he was not seeing anyone else (not that it would have mattered to me, I think people are free to date around...we were not in anything exclusive). He also said something along the lines of "relax, I'm single." So yes, not seeing anyone else + single to me does not equate with trying to get back with an ex. This was after I told him I was starting to like him. Then days later he was in a committed relationship with his ex (I found this out online). So when he said it the ex probablly wasnt talking to him which would have meant he wasnt seeing anyone else or did you want him to say hey I'm not seeing anyone right now but I am so smitten over my ex that if she were to call me I would drop anyone and everyone to get back with her which if you look back he probablly indicated in many ways that he wasnt ready for a new relationship you just allowed your mind to believe otherwise. Link to comment
lady00 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 So when he said it the ex probablly wasnt talking to him which would have meant he wasnt seeing anyone else or did you want him to say hey I'm not seeing anyone right now but I am so smitten over my ex that if she were to call me I would drop anyone and everyone to get back with her which if you look back he probablly indicated in many ways that he wasnt ready for a new relationship you just allowed your mind to believe otherwise. You've made a lot of assumptions here so let me just further explain: he told me later that he was talking to her and they were working things out at the point where he told me he was single and not seeing anyone...he did not tell me this when I initially asked him, but once they were back together, I asked him what had happened. That is how I know what was going on. I didn't just guess. I asked him directly and he told me. After lying to me initially. Since he was talking to her and working things out with her while telling me he was single and not seeing anyone, yes, I do consider this lying and leading on. Some people have a much narrower definition of words like "lying" and "leading on" but those are people that I will avoid dating in the future. Problem solved Link to comment
RealBrookeI Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 I assume because you didnt give much info which is understandable since this is a form and rarely do we want to read all of the info. With that said how do you plan on avoidng this type of guy in the future or are you going to assume that anyone who has a recent ex is just like this guy? Link to comment
lady00 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 With that said how do you plan on avoidng this type of guy in the future or are you going to assume that anyone who has a recent ex is just like this guy? I think when I find someone with values similar to mine (who, for instance, defines lying the way I do) then that will be someone I am more compatible with than guys like the one I've been describing. Link to comment
RealBrookeI Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 I think when I find someone with similar values as me (who defines lying the way I do) then that will be someone I am more compatible with than guys like the one I've been describing. How do you plan on asking a guy this and will this be before or after you start falling for him? Link to comment
lady00 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 How do you plan on asking a guy this and will this be before or after you start falling for him? I haven't got it figured out yet--part of the reason I'm taking a break from dating right now. Link to comment
RealBrookeI Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 I haven't got it figured out yet--part of the reason I'm taking a break from dating right now. Yeah glad you realize that as I had a friend who loved the taste of meat but didnt like the fact that cows had to be killed in order to get it and while she was telling me this she was drinking a milkshake it sucks when we keep too much info in our mind. Link to comment
boo121 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 You'll be supprised how many people lead each other on. I think in your case, he was keeping his options open, while "working out" his relationship with this other girl. That was his decision, maybe he lied a little, i expect to keep you as a back-up. I think its good to say "i wont be second choice" is that what ur gettin at? 1 thing you might need to accept, is there are alot of people out there dating, but are also trying to patch up their past relationship. Link to comment
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