Friend zone? I hope not...

[JoeCanada]

Ok, so there's this girl I like at work. Within the past two weeks, this has all happened. She found out from somebody that I like her, so we trade numbers, and go out for coffee a couple of times. No big deal. Things are going great.

 

One problem...she has a boyfriend.

 

Now she has complained to various people, including myself, about him, and indications were given that it might not last long between them. Until last night...

 

She came out and asked me if I liked her as 'more than a friend'. Since she's asking the question, she already knows the answer, so of course I told her yes, and she basically came out and said to me that she was with her boyfriend and that wasn't going to change.

 

That really shocked me. I of course knew she had a boyfriend, and I might be setting myself up, but the other half thought she just might come my way.

 

So I left work about a half hour later, drove around for another hour, went home, had a stiff drink, and tried to goto sleep.

 

After staring at the clock for a good 2 hours, not being able to sleep, my cell phone rings. Guess who?

 

She couldn't sleep either, because she felt really bad about what she said. Esentially, she told me she wanted to still be friends, but was afraid she was leading me on. I told her I respected her current relationship, and I wasn't there to try and break them up.

 

Anyway, we agreed to be friends still, and she knows I still like her, but I'm concerned that she'll never see me as more than a friend.

 

And of course I really don't understand what she sees in this guy. He's unemployed, immature, lazy, and generally disrespectful of the opposite sex.

 

I don't know what I've gotten myself into here, advice anyone?

[SwingFox]

Hey,

 

You got yourself in a louzy situation. Nothing you can do about it. Just try to go by the flow and let the wound heal, as far there is (a little) one. If you feel you can handle the situation, it might be great to stay friends. However, if you feel uncomfortable and there's nothing that gets resolved, may be it's better to go your separate ways.

 

As for not understanding why she wants him: love has funny and strange ways. Unfortunately for you 'him' is a fact. May be if you stick around long enough, she might leave eventually and then you might get your chance. Just make sure she is completely over him first, though.

 

I hope this helped you some... good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[JoeCanada]

Thanx. That kind of makes me feel a little better. I know I could still handle being friends, and I don't really care what anyone else thinks of us being friends, but I still feel like shit for some reason, and I don't know why.

[SwingFox]

Hmmm... I am going to tell you some personal stuff I have been going through. I have been in a similar situation as you have been. I have been involved with a woman who is ACTUALLY more attracted to me than she was to him. But she has been with him for almost four years.

 

Love is a crazy thing is what I said. But in love you get used to little things, as this woman got used to little things in her b/f. She decided to stuck with him.

 

By the way: this woman is one of my best friends right now. She is sooo awesome. It can be done! Good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[JoeCanada]

I feel much better than I did a week ago, but now...ugh...

 

We have a mutual agreement to be friends, and I offered (a couple weeks ago) to take her to a hockey game, because I have lots of tickets, and she's never been. But now she won't go because her boyfriend (these are her words, not mine) is insecure and thinks that I'll be 'dating' her.

 

Now she's already made it clear that she's with him, and I completely respect this, so my question is what's he got to be insecure about? She's told him we're friends only. How can he be worried about me taking her away from him if I don't stand a snowball's chance in hell?

[SwingFox]

Joe,

 

I used the words "Love is a crazy little thing" a few times before. It is.

 

Personally I wouldn't feel very comfortable if I had a girlfriend and she would go and do something with another guy, as in "just the two of them". In fact, I have been in an opposite situation and I felt VERY strange.

 

The girlfriend of my BEST friend (read again!!) wanted to do something and my best friend didn't want to take her, so she turned to me. I discussed it with him and he said: "Sure, go ahead". But I still believe deep in his heart that it bothered him. I did go after all, but felt very uncomfortable doing this. I am telling you: it's not gonna happen again... *grins* ... you learn something new every day!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[JoeCanada]

Yeah, I can understand how he'd feel. I'm sure I'd feel the same way.

 

So I told her I'd back off for awhile. Then, just yesterday, she got mad at him for being so controlling and making me back off, because he was saying stuff about me behind my back, and how he wanted to beat me up. Next thing you know, he's apologizing to me for the way he's been acting. Wow.

 

I don't know if he really meant it, but he did do it of his own choice.

 

At any rate, I'm still gonna give both of them their space for awhile to see how things develop.