Sexual Scripts: males!

[holyohio]

I'm taking this class on marriage, family, and sex.

 

Here are a couple of the common "male and female sexual scripts". Lets find out how accurate/inaccurate they are:

 

Males:

 

-Men should not have (or at least should not express) certain feelings. Men should be assertive, confident, and aggressive. Tenderness and compassion are not masculine feelings, and doubts should be kept to oneself.

 

-A man always wants sex and is always ready for it. It doesn't matter what else is going on; a man wants sex. He is always able to become erect.

 

-Performance is the only thing that matters. Sex is something to achieved, more about orgasm than intimacy.

 

-The man is in charge. As in other things, the man is the leader; he initiates sex and gives the woman her orgasm. A "real man" knows what women like, he doesn't need to be told.

 

-All physical contact leads to sex. Men are basically sexual "machines" and any physical contact, including touching, is a sign for, or step toward, sex. There is no physical pleasure except sexual pleasure.

 

-Sex equals intercourse. All erotic contact leads to or is intended to lead to sexual intercourse. Foreplay is just that -- warming up, getting your partner excited for penetration. Kissing, hugging, erotic touching, and oral sex are only preliminaries to intercourse.

 

-Sexual intercourse always leads to orgasm. The orgasm is the proof of the pudding; the more orgasms, the better the sex. If a woman does not have an orgasm, the male feels he is a failure because he was not good enough to give her pleasure. If she requires clitoral stimulation ot have an orgasm, she is considered to have a problem.

 

Let's dispel these sexual scripts!

 

[edit]: i didnt know I was only able to have 1 post for the first page....so lets do females too!

 

Females:

 

Sex is both good and bad. What makes sex good or bad is whether it occurs in marriage or a committed relationship as opposed to a casual or uncommitted relationship. When not sanctioned by love or marriage, sexually active women risk their reputations.

 

Girls don't want to know about their bodies "down their". Girls are taught not to look at, touch, and explore their genitals. As a result, women may know little about their genitals. They are often concerned about vaginal odors, which may make them uncomfortable about cunnilingus (oral sex).

 

Sex is for men. Men are supposed to want sex; women are supposed to want love. Women are supposed to be sexually passive, waiting to be aroused. Sex is not supposed to be a pleasurable activity as an end itself; it is something to be performed by women for men.

 

Men should know what women want. Men are supposed to know what women want, even if women don't tell them. To keep her image of sexual innocence, and remain pure, a woman does not tell a woman what she wants.

 

Women shouldn't talk about sex. Many women cannot talk about sex easily because they are not expected to have strong sexual feelings. Some women may know their partners "well enough" to have sex with them, but not well enough to communicate their needs for them.

 

Women should look like beautiful models. The ideal woman is unrealistically depicted with slender hips, firm, full breasts, and no fat; they are always young, have no pimples, wrinkles, or gray hair. Many women become self-conscious , worrying that they are too fat, too plain, or too old. They often feel awkward without clothes on to hide their imagined flaws.

 

Women are nurturers. Women are supposed to give themselves, their bodies, their pleasures. Men are supposed to receive. His needs com first -- his desire, his orgasm, his enjoyment.

 

There is only one right way to experience orgasm. Women often "learn" that the only right way to experience orgasm is from penile stimulation during sexual intercourse. But there are many ways to reach orgasm: through oral sex; manual stimulation before, during or after intercourse; masturbation; and so on. Women who rarely or never have an orgasm during heterosexual intercourse may be deprived by not sexually expressing themselves in other ways.

[strayjohnny]

ugh... totally not accurate.. i dont know what they are teaching you but thats nothing like my relationship or many others that i know.. actually my girlfriend is the horny one always wanting to have sex where as I only want to have sex 4-5 times a week... and i definitely say no if she wants to and i dont.. so thats not right...

 

hmm..

[holyohio]

I agree. These are traditional male/female SCRIPTS.

 

 

They are NOT accurate. We are supposed to say why. Males probably believe the female scripts are more correct than females do, and visa versa....

 

 

they are supposed to be dispelled in order to bring a more realistic view of sexuality to each gender....

[HellFrost666]

Who the hell is teaching this class? Did they just step out of the fifties?

[dragon111]

I agree. These are traditional male/female SCRIPTS.

 

 

They are NOT accurate. We are supposed to say why. Males probably believe the female scripts are more correct than females do, and visa versa....

 

 

they are supposed to be dispelled in order to bring a more realistic view of sexuality to each gender....

 

Who the hell is teaching this class? Did they just step out of the fifties?

 

 

They suppose to be inaccurate, to make students argue them and to solidify what they believe is to be true, like holyohio says, to dispell myths

 

but yes, very patronising for a student of any age, a wasteful exercise, but then i guess some people do need to be taught common sense (not saying you do or anything)

 

are you trying to get us to do your homework for you holyohio?

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think the OP means that this is a list of general assumptions brought up in class. The class is probably to dismantle these stereotypes.

 

I am taking a class on human sexuality soon and I can't wait! The prof is unbelievably open about sexuality. I guess you'd have to be but it is such a refreshment.

 

When I learned sex ed. The teacher taught us about abstinence, and we got a paper on all the extremely formal and scientific terms. She obviously wasn't comfortable, and I learned nothing.

[dragon111]

wow debaser_wolf, 18 years old and still doing sex classes, wish my school was that considerate, we had sex education in the first year of comprehensive school and that was it, and we didn't pay attention, i don't even think i had started puberty so it didn't really matter, and no exams, so clearly i couldn't label a labia if i wanted to lol

[Cognitive_Canine]

hahaha. Nah, sex ed was in 9th grade. I am talking college courses now. SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIGH SCHOOL!

 

My school was so abstinence only. Unfortunately, we had a high pregnancy rate too...

[Cognitive_Canine]

Oh, and sex ed only lasted 3 days. It was just a side segment of gym class.

[holyohio]

are you trying to get us to do your homework for you holyohio?

 

clearly not. I am merely positing a familiar bounds to those who are new posters (go ahead, look at the main page...and all those problems associated with the perpetuation of these scripts) to not believe what they do...

 

How many posts do you see about "My girlfriend NEVER initiates sex..." Or "I don't want my boyfriend going down on me because I am self conscious about the smell!"

 

I merely wanted experienced posters to post why these aren't true to perhaps save us all some time in reading every post saying "Omg [this is how boys/girls are supposed to act]....and im not acting in that way...am i wrong!?"

 

You get me now?

 

I'll start: Men are supposed to be in charge. Hell no! I love when a woman takes charge, throws me down on the bed and whispers in my ear what she wants. that's incredibly hot. Just one change and inaccuracy to the sexual scripts that I listed here.

[Cognitive_Canine]

hahaha, me and my bf just had this convo yesterday. I swear!

 

We both finally came out that we were both sexual people.

 

He had been being modest because he didn't want to make me uncomfortable. And I was being modest because I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. Turns out we were both really keeping in a lot and were both getting frustrated with it.

 

Kind of cute looking back too. Nice to know that I got a guy that'd be willing to sacrifice that much for my sake. So funny, too.

[dragon111]

are you trying to get us to do your homework for you holyohio?

 

clearly not. I am merely positing a familiar bounds to those who are new posters (go ahead, look at the main page...and all those problems associated with the perpetuation of these scripts) to not believe what they do...

 

How many posts do you see about "My girlfriend NEVER initiates sex..." Or "I don't want my boyfriend going down on me because I am self conscious about the smell!"

 

I merely wanted experienced posters to post why these aren't true to perhaps save us all some time in reading every post saying "Omg [this is how boys/girls are supposed to act]....and im not acting in that way...am i wrong!?"

 

You get me now?

 

I'll start: Men are supposed to be in charge. Hell no! I love when a woman takes charge, throws me down on the bed and whispers in my ear what she wants. that's incredibly hot. Just one change and inaccuracy to the sexual scripts that I listed here.

 

 

ouch, i was actually making a light hearted joke by asking if you were trying to get us to do your homework for you

 

and you shouldn't be too concerned about forming a thread where "experienced posters" can give their views to save people from looking around because people do like to ask their own questions, otherwise this would just be a website full of articles and no interaction at all, sorry if i offended you

[KG]

I think that if you flipped each statement around, it would read true...

Ex. The man is always in charge...both are always in charge.

[Nurseman]

"Luuuuuuuuucy! Jew got some 'splainin to do!"

 

How 50's. Way out-dated. It's like arguing about which way to wear your toga.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Females:

 

Sex is both good and bad. What makes sex good or bad is whether it occurs in marriage or a committed relationship as opposed to a casual or uncommitted relationship. When not sanctioned by love or marriage, sexually active women risk their reputations.

 

Sex is only bad when it's rape. Sex is a natural part of life, its both good for the species and the individual. Women can have as much casual sex as they want, reputations are ways that past society tried to guilt women out of the enjoyment of sexual freedom.

 

Girls don't want to know about their bodies "down their". Girls are taught not to look at, touch, and explore their genitals. As a result, women may know little about their genitals. They are often concerned about vaginal odors, which may make them uncomfortable about cunnilingus (oral sex).

Women aren't taught about their vulva or vagina. They aren't taught about it because there are still those in this society that think sex is taboo and being aware of your body is taboo as well. Vaginal odor is natural, a vagina doesn't smell like flowers, but commercial products and adverts have been used to make women think that vaginal odor is bad.

 

Sex is for men. Men are supposed to want sex; women are supposed to want love. Women are supposed to be sexually passive, waiting to be aroused. Sex is not supposed to be a pleasurable activity as an end itself; it is something to be performed by women for men.

Sex isn't for men, women get aroused and want sex just as much as men. Men tend to have a more even desire for sex because their hormone levels are more even than women. Women experience fluctuations in hormone levels that often effects their sexual interests. Sex is pleasurable, both people need to be involved for it to be even more pleasurable.

Men should know what women want. Men are supposed to know what women want, even if women don't tell them. To keep her image of sexual innocence, and remain pure, a woman does not tell a woman what she wants.

Men are not mind readers (nor are women). If you want something you have to tell the other person, it maybe subtle, it maybe blatant.

Communication is a huge part of any relationship.

Women shouldn't talk about sex. Many women cannot talk about sex easily because they are not expected to have strong sexual feelings. Some women may know their partners "well enough" to have sex with them, but not well enough to communicate their needs for them.

Hahaha, women can and do talk about sex. See communication comment.

Women should look like beautiful models. The ideal woman is unrealistically depicted with slender hips, firm, full breasts, and no fat; they are always young, have no pimples, wrinkles, or gray hair. Many women become self-conscious , worrying that they are too fat, too plain, or too old. They often feel awkward without clothes on to hide their imagined flaws.

Media has a lot to do with this. Men are also feeling that self image issues as well. Men and women both perpetuate it, so there is no one side to blame.

Women are nurturers. Women are supposed to give themselves, their bodies, their pleasures. Men are supposed to receive. His needs com first -- his desire, his orgasm, his enjoyment.

Women aren't nurturers, they maybe taught that, but more and more are calling it what it is, CRAP. If he does some first he better make sure she comes soon after or he may not like the pissed off woman in the bed next to him.

 

There is only one right way to experience orgasm. Women often "learn" that the only right way to experience orgasm is from penile stimulation during sexual intercourse. But there are many ways to reach orgasm: through oral sex; manual stimulation before, during or after intercourse; masturbation; and so on. Women who rarely or never have an orgasm during heterosexual intercourse may be deprived by not sexually expressing themselves in other ways.

There is no right way. There is only the way that you enjoy it.

[CaptainPlanet]

Sounds like something you'd read in dolly magazine. I don't think it would be true in the real world for all people.