Can love die so fast

[anewday]

I met a woman recently and it has been the most intense relationship you can imagine. Over the first three weeks we were deeply into each other and gave each other such amazing feelings. We both told each other that we had fallen in love and life was great. Then sudenly she has told me that over the last week her feelings have changed and that we would have to be just friends. I find this hard to understand as her feelings have changed so fast. She has been hurt in the past and has childeren, i am also younger than she is. I suspect that she may now be blocking any feelings that she has in order to protect herself and her kids from me coming into their lives and then leaving once a younger woman comes along or things settle down as the relationship develops. This would not happen as i have never met such a fantastic person to be with.

 

It has only been a few days since the split and i am wandering what I should do next, I have accepted that it is over for now as her feelings have been made clear but i can't help thinking that you cannot loose love that quickly and that she has put up a wall to protect herself. The question I am asking myself is how can i bring this wall down and get back into her life, or should i carry on as friends for a while because if i push too hard now she might just build it up stronger. I have not been able to speak to her yet as she has said to me just accept that when it's over it is over. I dont know wheather this is so that i will leave her alone and not try to change her mind or maybe it is just over.

 

Any advice or sugestions would be greatly recived as I am left guessing as to why things have turned out like they have.

[mermayd]

I think you have a great insight into the situation, you could be right in the fact that she is just putting up a wall to protect herself. I would try to pursue a friendship with her and explain to her that you are there if she ever decides to change her mind, that you love her and that you have spent some of the best times in your life with her. But you do need to respect her decision to put it to an end. You can state your view and leave it up to her to take it from there. If she doesn't want to pursue anything more, you can't force it to happen, but there is nothing wrong with being her friend.

[SwingFox]

Hey Anewday,

 

You're doing great. You fully understand the situation you are in and you are thinking to find a way out and settle your feelings.

 

Mermayd is right, you cannot force her into anything. What I'd like to add is: don't forget your own feelings. If you cannot handle just a friendship, may be it's better to break contact at all and start a healing process.

 

While you heal, it's okay to feel hurt and bad. It's even okay to cry. I am 31 and a guy and I cried when I was heartbroken. Who cares what others think of it! It shows that you are compassionate.

 

Anyways, good luck to whatever you decide. I hope I helped some!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[chakka]

Yes, swingfox is right that friendship may be too difficult for you... then again, it may be a slow and non-scary way to slowly get back to a relationship with her. It's always a risk, so do whatever you feel is best.

 

I have to say though, three weeks is a very short time. Maybe the woman who broke your heart this way was really doing you a favor. Maybe you are not suited to each other after all.

Maybe, this was a whirlwind romance and you both got caught up in passion, but then reality kicked in for her and she realized you two aren't right for each other for the long term.

 

I'm not saying that's definitely the case. Time will tell, and if you are right for each other, you will find your way back together again.

All I'm saying is if it doesn't work out, I think that just means that she is not the one for you, and she just happened to see it before you did.

 

So lots of luck for you, and, if it doesn't work out with her, just cherish it as a beautiful experience in your life. Some people never experience such romance. If it doesn't happen with her, it will happen with someone else.

 

P.S. Not that I'm saying you did anything wrong, but next time, you might want to take it slower. If things rekindle with her, or if you start a new relationship, it may be better not to burn it out to quickly. Like maybe see each other only once or twice a week at the start, and build up to the I-love-you's more slowly.

I'm no expert, so if my advice does not seem right for you, ignore it.

These are really just some ideas, in case any of them help you, and I hope they do.

[anewday]

Thanks for all your help it really helped me and i didn't feel so alone. I poured my heart out to her the other night and now I feel that I can move on with the ball in her court. I have a lot of other challenges in life at the moment so if I let myself get eaten up by all this i'm sure that i would soon let them all get on top of me and end up clinically depressed. I know that life can feel so good just from being alive and i am going to hang on to the feeling as often as I can. What will be will be and only a positive outlook and some determination will work things out for me. I know that this has come far to easy fore my and others may be reading this and thinking that they cant do it but you can Only you have the power to change your life, and feeling down hurts too much to bother with. Clear your minds of all the crap and take in all the good things around you.