Hiding one's (lesbian) attraction in the workplace:Question for straight women

[Lucy__lou]

Well I wasn't sure whether to put this one under attraction and flirting, gay & lesbian, or what? I originally put it under career but it got a slow response, so I've stuck it in here.

 

Now this might sound like a daft question, but I'm interested in the views of straight ladies here on the importance of suppressing any attraction one has to a work colleague.

 

I know I appreciate it if people I work with can put any tendencies toward attraction to me aside in the name of professionalism and creating a comfortable environment, but are there exceptions?

 

I am working in a professional environment, and there is a new woman working there who I find absolutely smoking hot (she's about 7 years older than me, and more experienced than me, and we have the same supervisor but aren't working on the same project, just sharing an office and in the same department for the time being. The vibe between us has already been established as an aloof one. She's quite a fiery type and so am I , and on instinct, I think we've both defaulted on keeping more distance and not being any more friendly than necessary. (You know how some people you'll be friendly like a puppy dog, and others you'll be cautious?) this one is one of caution. So in a way, the possibility of us being of much use to each other professionally has already been foregone by our initial strong and potentially dangerous chemistry (not that I think she feels chemistry with me, but just saying we haven't hit it off, and there's a bit of a heavy vibe). So I'm doing my best to be professional (If I'd met her in another context I'd most likely flirt with her), and I can't fake anything, cause I'm a hopeless actor, so in a way it's probably already showing that she affects me. I go serious and a bit tough acting with her whereas with other women I'm more light and lively and happy go lucky). and she's quite friendly and chatty with everyone (especially men) and not at all with me, although she's nice but also in a cautious, and strained way, as I am with her... So should I let any of it show? I mean some things are healthier if let out in the open. I'm tempted to let it become more obvious, but I also think that in a working environment it's important to make the effort to rise above any lust which arises. Advice? (by the way, she has a boyfriend, in case that's of any interest). Not that I would actually consider trying to start anything. I'm just trying to figure out how and to what lengths I should go to to cover up the obvious, and pretending like I'm not effected when I am.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Lucy -

 

I guess the point really should be that she's already with someone. There's been lots of people I've been interested in or attracted to, but once we find out they're taken, so to speak, they're sort of off limits, yeh?

 

I guess I would just recommend doing your best to put her in the "co-worker and that's all" spot. I mean, maybe she could fit in the spank bank but other than that.......

[jenny_mcs]

I think you should make all efforts to not flirt or let her know you have a crush on her. You mention that "some things are healthier if let out in the open"- and that's true sometimes, but definitely not in the case of being attracted to a co-worker who is not available.

 

I think the professional and polite thing to do is to keep your feelings under wraps.

[Alezia]

I don't think information like this is something I would bring forward in a professional environment. Anything sexual should be kept under wraps and at home.

If you think that getting to know her might ease out some sex. tension then do but otherwise I'd probably just be friendly yet distant.

[scotty77]

Hey Lucy -

 

I guess the point really should be that she's already with someone. There's been lots of people I've been interested in or attracted to, but once we find out they're taken, so to speak, they're sort of off limits, yeh?

 

I guess I would just recommend doing your best to put her in the "co-worker and that's all" spot. I mean, maybe she could fit in the spank bank but other than that.......

I don't think just because someone might have a casual boyfriend/girlfriend that it necessarily means they are ''taken''.One never really knows the facts of one' s relationship.That is they might be on the verge of breaking up or just started dating.