Why would my ex do all of this?

[Mustang]

When my ex broke up with me in November she said that she still loved me. She said there was nobody else. She said that it was just down to circumstances. I tried to back away at this point and she said she didn't want to lose me completely. So after a few weeks we started texting as friends.

 

This was a mistake looking back. I foolishly thought deep down that maybe if I could build up her trust again then maybe she'd miss me enough to give things another go. Stupid. I was getting on with my life and gaining back my independence. I wasn't being needy or clingly. Quite the opposite in fact, I always had lots going on and I always had lots to talk to her about.

 

However, I have found out today that she has a boyfriend. Not from her but from a Facebook wall post made by her friend. If you guys have read my posts before, I was suspicious of something going on with this guy BEFORE she broke up with me. There were photos of her and him holding hands appearing on Facebook in the same week that she started going distant on me. This made me paranoid. She is now with this guy, which upsets me ever so much, because it kind of suggests that everything she told me during the break up was a lie. All she had to tell me was that she'd met someone else. Short term, it woul'd've killed me, but I would've had closure and probably be healed by now.

 

Why would she want to keep me in her life as a friend when she's with a new guy? She can't care about me that much to just dump me when someone else comes along.

 

In the three months since we've split, she's not spoken to me at all about "us". I've had to deal with all the questions myself. I've never had any answers from her. Even when she broke up with me, I had to kind of assume because she didn't have the guts to be honest.

 

I feel like such an idiot for being friends with her when she's with someone else. I don't know how long she's been with him. I don't know anything. But it's upsetting that I asked her three weeks ago in a friendly way if she was seeing someone. She ignored the question.

 

Why would she bother with me when she's got a new guy? Why not just tell me that she's with someone new when I asked? Why try and hide it? Is this guy a rebound? We were together for 19 months and it seems very unlike the girl I was with to end up in somebody else's bed so quickly. She was so argumentative and defensive when we split up about this guy. It's really upsetting to know that we argued over something that was true. She made me feel so bad about it when we broke up. She made out that I was paranoid. OK, maybe I was, but she was being distant and I was scared. Sorry, but what else was I supposed to do? Sit back and make out I didn't care that I was losing the girl I thought I was going to be with for a very long time (we used to speak hypothetically all the time about going travelling round the world in a few years).

 

I'm really confused because I know when I've broken up with somebody before, I've not given them ANY crumbs or false hope. Cruel to be kind if you like. It feels like my ex has just been friendly and nice to me for the past few months for the sake of her own guilt and ego trip. I am so hurt at somebody doing that. Especially throwing in the "I love you" on the day she says she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Thanks.

 

I've had a few one night stands and met a few girls since we split, but it's so HOLLOW. Despite everything, I still miss my ex. Nobody compares to her (so far). I know this is stupid. I know I will look back one day and wonder what the hell I was so hurt for, but right here, right now, all I want is her back.

 

If she's got a new boyfriend now, that's cool. I can live with her decision. I just don't understand why she had to go to such great lengths to hide it just so I hang around. Do you think she was scared to tell me the truth in case I walked away for good? If she's with someone new, why the hell does she need me around?

 

I sent her a text today to wish her happy birthday and that I knew about her new guy. I also said goodbye. No response. She won't respond.

 

When she broke up with me she said "I don't want to regret making the worst decision of my life but I don't want to be with you just because I feel bad." Nice.

 

Can you guys please motivate me so I can be angry with her rather than the nice guy I have been. I think I need to be angry before I can move on. At the moment, even if she apologised for all of her actions (unlikely), I'd say something like "that's ok!". Because I am a * * * * ing idiot. She's made me look like a * * * * ing idiot. I bet her and her friends are all laughing about how stupid I am.

 

The thing that worries me most is that I might get over her in time, but I am always going to be scared about them running off as soon as a better offer comes along. I mean, my ex told me she loved me everyday and she ran off with someone at the first opportunity. I'm going to be so scared to go through this again. What if I run the risk of being too scared to ever get into another full on relationship with someone that could potentially be better than my ex?

[tushboy]

Dude I can imagine you being frustated and very angry.....But what you need to do right now is WALK AWAY from the scene with dignity. Don't create a scene, or yell at her. If you need to vent it out, maybe you can ask her in a casual manner as to why she didn't tell you about it. But from what you tell us, I can say that she's probably over you and didn't look at you as anything else than a friend.

 

I think the best option is to simply take a step back, regain your composure and move on...

[Mustang]

I am walking away. I have got to use a Chris Rock analogy here, when talking about having to give an ex-wfie money... "If you go out to eat, they don't owe you a steak when you leave!"

 

I should've walked away from day one. All I've done is eased her guilt and help her move on.

 

I really want answers from her, it would help. I've not had ONE from her in the last three months and I don't expect any now. She's just running away and hoping everything will resolve itself. Less hassle for her. I know she's done this with previous ex boyfriends. It's really heartless and I never thought she'd treat me like this, but I have to convince myself it's her loss. I love her so much and if she is genuinely happy now then I will be happy for her too in the long run.

 

It's just I feel so hurt and betrayed. Maybe if she told me why I'd understand, but the fact that she's run away with no answers or anything kind of suggests that she never loved me or cared about me as much as she said.

 

If I loved someone and broke up with them, I wouldn't be so damn cold.

 

I am going to walk away. Now I know she's got a new guy I'm convinced it could be a rebound. I know her. She's sensible. She's not the sort to just jump into something else. As I said, she tends to run away and hide from things. Maybe this guy takes her mind off of the break up? Maybe that's just wishful thinking, I don't know. Either way, it's none of my business.

 

The fact is, I've made it far too easy for her. She's not had a chance to miss me. She's had me being the nice guy I always was to her. So she gets me being there for her whilst she bangs someone new. She's not really missing anything.

 

Maybe this will get her attention and she'll come back. Even if it's just to apologise. It would be nice.

 

And if she does come back, hopefully I will be in the right frame of mind to tell her to f*** right off!

[tushboy]

I can so relate to you, I backed off the minute my EX started playing the "best friends" cards with me....I said goodbye and tho I miss him like crazy, I know he needs his space and he needs to sort himself before he resumes any contact with me.

 

You Ex is either a coward who couldn't face you or she has some other issues which you probably don't knw about. I suggest right now is not a good time to ask questions....You shud let her be. Wish her good luck and move on.

[Crows]

I can relate totally.

 

I told my ex I wanted her in my life right after we broke up.

 

Went through two months of hell.. then started texting again, nice things etc. Talking again... then I pushed and pushed and found out she had a new bf.. I didnt reply.. and she got worried that she would lose me. She didn't want to tell me about him becuase she wanted me to continue to pine after her. 1.For her ego.. or B- she doesnt plan to be with that guy very long.

 

And low and behond, he's an abusive alchoholic and she dumped him. And now she's kinda coming back to me and cna't make up her mind. I'm worried during this time, shel find someone else or go back to him.

 

If that's the case, I will politely tell her I cannot do this anymore beucase I still have feelings for her and that if she wishes to talk to me, it must be an emergancy or about reconciliation.

 

I suggest you do the same.

[nic2463]

Shes taken you for a ride man.Woman hate the guilt trip so her being friends with you releases that.

Cut contact,dont even tell her.If she wants you she will come to you.

[Mustang]

Thanks guys. All of your advice is helpful.

 

I know I need to walk away.

 

I just wish she had a heart and at least apologised for hurting me, something, ANYTHING. No, she just dumped me and that was that. Out with the old, in with the new!

 

I could disappear off the face of the earth now and she wouldn't care. I know the question of "why do you care about somebody that treats people like that?" comes up, but when you love someone, that's all there is to it.

 

But I am a big believer in karma...

[tushboy]

Yes KARMA exists, trust me it does. Try NOT TO DO anything and score yourself some brownie Karma points, sit back and wait for the castle to crumble.

[Iceman26]

I doubt she would apologize because in her mind she is probably thinking she is doing you a favor by being her friend, and she doesn't feel guilty cutting you off completely.

 

Let it go dude. There are other women and other friends and you will be doing yourself a favor. Continuing to be her friend only prolongs the pain.

[MCR7]

I doubt she would apologize because in her mind she is probably thinking she is doing you a favor by being her friend, and she doesn't feel guilty cutting you off completely.

 

Let it go dude. There are other women and other friends and you will be doing yourself a favor. Continuing to be her friend only prolongs the pain.

 

I absolutely agree. Why would you want to be friends with that? You deserve much better, don't let her suck you back in to some freakshow situation. You don't need to be something to fall back on.

 

One of the definitions of insanity is making the same mistake over and over again...! BE STRONG and don't worry about what her friends are thinking, you might be surprised.

[Emo_gal]

You sound like a guy who is pretty squared away... don't feel bad for not seeing the writing on the wall (we never do, it's what love does to us). So now you know, she obviously met someone and is playing it out to see how it goes, hoping you will still be around to go out with if it doesn't work out. So, DON'T... (that's my advice, if you are looking for it)

 

I know, what she's done just sucks! You sound like a really cool guy and it's too bad that she has gotten fickle on you. I would cut off communication with her and work on making yourself happy and, eventually, finding someone new. What she's done to you is really unfair and immature - do you really want to pursue someone who would treat you that way?

 

Sure you have a history, and you could be there "for emergencies only", and maybe even a friend eventually, but not until you have happiness of your own. Happiness you deserve, and that will protect you from her taking advantage of you, which she will obviously not think twice about doing.

 

I am sending you lots of white light, my friend. Good luck!! Hang in there - you know it's going to get better, keep putting one foot in front of the other in the meantime - live well!

 

I wish you lu

[Emmabumble]

Last week, my fiance of 4 years and I broke up after I discovered he'd been emailing girls and arranging to meet up.

I was utterly devastated and can still hardly get through a day, and at first I BEGGED him to stay friends with me and be nice. Now, I'm getting emails from other girls telling me they've been seeing him. This is starting to make me a bit angry but I'd still probably drop everything and go running back if he asked - simply to ease this pain and anxiety I'm suffering.

Feel free to PM me x