Sending a family member on vacation

[bpsekh]

Recently, I sent my father on a vacation. Since he moved in with me, I've felt rather stifled as he sees the need to go through my mail, criticize everything I do or state the obvious. He has other annoying habits that seem to drive me crazy from time to time, but I won't discuss those.

 

Anyhow, I spent about $3000, a little more than three weeks pay on airline tickets and gave him some cash so that he could go to the old country for two months. I never thought it would be proper to kick him out of the place, since he does help me pay half of the rent, but I need some time to be alone.

 

Though, I do feel a bit selfish and guilty for trying to "get rid of him". Would anyone say that I've done something wrong?

[shikashika]

no... otherwise I doubt he would have gone.

 

is he visiting family and friends?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Okay, you may have sent him on vacation with the ulterior motive of having some privacy for a while but still, he benefits from this vacation...I am sure he is not upset. Why did your father move in with you? Is he unwell? I think you need to start trying to set some privacy boundaries because when he comes back, it will be the same old same old. Think about things and then when he comes back all refreshed, sit down and have a talk with him. Also, think of other alternatives to him living with you if it is going to continue to be a problem with privacy and boundary issues.

[bpsekh]

Why did your father move in with you? Is he unwell?

It's a long story. I'm sure he has many reasons for doing it.

 

One of the reasons is he thinks I'm irresponsible and unable to care for myself. Among the many things, he came to this conclusion after I stopped picking up his phone calls, when he'd call me two, three, or even four times a day and wouldn't return them.

 

I also feel that he's the kind of guy who never sees change. For whatever reason, he happened to bring down some old crap from when I was in 8th grade. On one particular paper, I'd spelled the word "tomato" incorrectly a la Dan Quayle. One day, he puts this paper on top of my briefcase with a note that said, "Why didn't you use spell check? You would have gotten an A". Perhaps in his head, I'm still a 13-year old kid who can't spell tomato.

 

Nothing seems to change his mind, and no news is ever good news. If I deposit money on a Wednesday, I must be involved in shady business, because "decent people" only deposit money on Friday. When I taught myself classical Chinese or learned Turkish from a friend as an undergraduate, it was because I wasn't paying enough attention to my real studies. Even when I had a job offer to move to another city, which offered a substantially higher salary, he chastised me for being greedy and materialistic. When I didn't vote in 2004, he even gave me a lecture on how important it is to vote.

 

Anyways, I don't want to rant too much. He accepted my offer. He'll stay with family and friends, and perhaps go places. Meanwhile, I'll have time to sort things out back home, I guess.

[bpsekh]

The old man's back. I tried talking to him, but with little success. The things I wanted to talk about were mainly my religion, as well as his general attitude (tends to be over protective). Problem is he just doesn't listen.

 

He still refuses to see things have changed, insists that I'm going to end up as some religious extremist. I don't see myself as an extremist, but I have already warned him that if I had to choose between him and my religion, I will choose my religion. Anyone think I'm being too stubborn?

[emailas]

I don't think you are being stubborn- I do think though that you are trying to change a man whose beliefs are set in stone--thereforeeee talking about religion and trying to make him see where you are coming from is a lost cause.

 

Learn to accept that this is a battle you will never win. His viewsm(and he is entitle do to have them) about religion are as strong as yours, it just happens that neither of you agree on the matter.