How do I avoid being "rebound guy"?

[Sam _]

Me and my ex met about a month ago and we broke up a few days ago. I believe this was a rebound relationship to her because she broke up with her ex shortly before coming to me. It was obvious when we were going out that she still liked him. She broke up with me because she said I was too sensitive and took offense to things too easily. A few days later she hooks back up with the guy she broke up with before me. She broke up with him (before we went out) because he was too busy for her, he basically spends less time with her now even when they're in the same area. I know she likes me, but I also know that she was probably using me to get her ex jealous. She said that the reason she got back with him was because when she broke up with him she made him cry and felt bad about it, then said that she doesn't believe that it will last for very long and will be coming back to me. I think she is basically going to use me for a rebound again. How do I avoid being the rebound guy? I want her but simpy don't want to be the rebound. Is there any way I can get her without being the rebound?

[Natty7]

This girl sounds like a manipulator, and although I do believe you can't choose who you have that kind of feeling for, you can control those feelings in order for yours not to be hurt... again. So, with this chick, I think you need to suppress your feelings for her if she does in fact try to come back to you. You are not a yo-yo to be played with, and she should realize this. And if she really does care for you, you have to supply her with time apart so those feelings can grow and she realizes that she cannot take you for granted.

 

How not to be the rebound guy? I have had many rebound guys so I might be able to help you avoid the signs leading up to it.

 

*She (obviously) just got out of a long or significant relationship.*

 

It takes time to heal, and any girl (generalizing of course, there are some rare diamonds out there) is clearly still getting over her ex, thereforeeee cannot show you the attention and love that you need, so you need to move on BEFORE anything happens.

 

*She just wants you for sex.*

 

If a girl is not very interested in what you have to say, or where you go on a date if you go anywhere, maybe she is just looking to, literally, fill her void. Unless you like casual sex, stay clear of the women that appear too easy to get in the sack and less interested in you as a person.

 

*She uses the term “friends” over and over again.*

 

I know that when I used a guy in the past, I would try and drop that friend word over and over again, so later I can say that I wasn’t leading him on (I am being very honest with ya) and that he knew the real deal.

 

There are so many other signs and this is all I can think of right now, maybe others will come forward with their experiences.

 

Good Luck Man and I hope this helps a little.

[Sam _]

This girl sounds like a manipulator, and although I do believe you can't choose who you have that kind of feeling for, you can control those feelings in order for yours not to be hurt... again. So, with this chick, I think you need to suppress your feelings for her if she does in fact try to come back to you. You are not a yo-yo to be played with, and she should realize this. And if she really does care for you, you have to supply her with time apart so those feelings can grow and she realizes that she cannot take you for granted.

I know that it was manipulative. She told me when we broke up that since we can't really talk that we should work on our friendship a little. She also told me that if I were to become less sensitive to what others say and become a little more "manly" she would like me more. Everything I used to do I haven't done. I haven't called her except for once and that was to see if she was alright since I hadn't seen her in school that day (she has an upper resporatory infection). I used to walk her to her class but now I only walk her to her 1st period class, and that's just because it's on the way to my 1st period class. How long exactly do I suppress my emotions towards her? I'm not exactly sure how to act like I'm not interested anymore.

*She (obviously) just got out of a long or significant relationship.

She said it was a couple months long. There is something I don't get. When we first started going out I gave her the silver band that I always wore on my finger. She's worn it every day and is still wearing it after we broke up. Why?

[colors]

It was obvious when we were going out that she still liked him.

I think she is basically going to use me for a rebound again.

 

Because of these two statements i don't think you can be with her & NOT be the rebound guy. When she originally dated you she still liked the ex & even went back to him. So basically she wasn't & is not yet over him.

 

Secondly your gut is already telling you taht she is going to use you. Follow your gut, your instincts are right.. She may not be intentailly using you but none the less you will be rebound again, cause her feelings for her ex are no resloved & she has not emotionally moved on.

[colors]

She also told me that if I were to become less sensitive to what others say and become a little more "manly" she would like me more. Everything I used to do I haven't done.

What?? don't EVER change yourself for someone. The right women for you will like you for you!!! This right here is a sign that she is wrong for you. She should not suggest that you change yourself so she likes you more & you should have never done so.

 

How long exactly do I suppress my emotions towards her?

you don't suppress them, you begin to move on from her.

she can not & will not give you what you want & need out of a relationship, so you begin to let go. And search for someone who can & will & most of all, someone who likes you as you are. for who you are.

 

When we first started going out I gave her the silver band that I always wore on my finger. She's worn it every day and is still wearing it after we broke up. Why?

Simple - cause she likes it.

[Sam _]

Well, I'm kinda torn right now. It's quite obvious to me that she didn't even know that she was manipulating me. Is there any possible way I can get her to get with me for me rather than him? Or should I not even bother? She is expecting it to fail and she does seem to have sincere feelings for me. Also she was the one who broke up with him and I think she's going to again. I just thought of this question but, is it possible that she likes both of us and she wants to be with me but perhaps is only getting back with him to help the healing process? If that makes any sense, could that be a possability or am I just fooling myself? The truth is she didn't do anything to make it obvious that she still likes him, I could (and have always been) able to feel these sort of things.

[Natty7]

What?? don't EVER change yourself for someone. The right women for you will like you for you!!! This right here is a sign that she is wrong for you. She should not suggest that you change yourself so she likes you more & you should have never done so.

 

I, unfortunately, agree with this. You shouldn't have to change yourself to appease this girl that is obviously not willing to change herself for you (i.e. her tendency to run back t him and keep you stringing along). I mean, she is going back into this relationship, yeah she broke up with this guy ~ but if I can tell you how many relationships I ENDED but in all actuality I was not ready to end, but I was forced to call it off because I felt I had no choice because of my b/f's choices and actions. Based on what you are telling us, she digs the other guy more~ point blank. Even if she did like you both, do you know what she would do? Or what I would do? I wouldn't date either of you until I figured out what the hell I wanted. It's not fair to either of you and that's the way a real woman would go about it.

 

I am sorry, I know this doesn't read well, but just remember that you are better then what she is giving you and deserve more! You seem like a sweet caring guy and there is another woman out there that deserves you.

[colors]

I just thought of this question but, is it possible that she likes both of us and she wants to be with me but perhaps is only getting back with him to help the healing process? If that makes any sense, could that be a possability or am I just fooling myself?

I think you are fooling yourself. Look at her actions. She got back with him. How is that part of the healing process?? that's a huge step AWAY from healing, thats getting right back into what she should be healing from.

She may like you, but she is with him, so actions are saying she likes him more.

Don't waste your time with her. She's not good for her & she certainly isn't the one for you - she advised you to change so she would like you more...that says it all ! in addition she strings you along to make him jealous. Trust your gut & your gut tells you that she's using you as rebound. And your gut told you that she still liked him while dating you. don't fool yourself, the signs are right in front of you.

I'm sorry, but you deserve more.

[Sam _]

I accidentally didn't mention that I asked her what she meant by "manly". She just repeated what she said, basically not to take offense of minor things. She told me no to change who I am, but to try and not take offense so easily. I was in a bit of a rush when I typed all of that up.

 

It's not really a gut feeling, it seems more like an external vibe. And I've always been able to tell it with almost everyone, I've even been able to guess who dated who correctly if I knew the two of them. Sounds odd, I know.

 

I meant something like what Natty said, but opposite. She told me that she believes that the relationship between him and her will fail, this was shortly after they got back together. I was asking if it were possible that she could be trying to prove to herself that things wouldn't work out at all between them.

 

Quick question. If we were to get back together to see if it were to work out as an actual relationship would you call me a fool? Give her a 2nd (and final) chance basically.

 

Don't apologize.

[Natty7]

I would never regard you as a fool, because matters of the heart are very odd in the way they work...

 

Follow what you believe~ if you are that into this girl then it's simple.... get her. You obviously care for this girl and she is worth getting your heart broken (possibly) again. Then hell man, give it all you got to get her back.

 

Show her what life would be like as your girl.

[tinman19672000]

Ok, so here we go guy's read and learn.

 

I met a woman on the internet dateing site and with in a week see was sending me pic of her in the nude ect, i asked if i could meet her. Right a way she said yes "HUNX" and she say's even if we don't get it on we can be "friends"..."friends" The old one's are best...guy's!! The woman on the rebound.

 

Now i asked her about her self ect, has i whanted a gril friend, not just sex for one night..i was looking for wife may be. Ok, so i get on the bus and met her and we have a drink, now she just sat there and with in five mins....She come's out with "Come on let's go back to may place" ( rebound here we go)

 

So i go back to her house and we sit in front of the t.v and then start kissing, then she tell's me her x is god, he has money and i was out of work and she told me that to my face..."he has money and you have not job!!!"

 

So i say why did u pick me on the dateing page then, i told u i had not job and was honest with her right from the start....oooo " you play sax and u was not like the rest"" How many men has she had??

 

Ok, so we are now kissing and then she say's " come on let's get in to bed" So we have sex and down we come to sit in fornt of the t.v. Now she is cold too me, she got what she whanted. This made me feel used..big time.

 

Right, it is 2.30 am..oooo, i say ..not busses at this time of night, can i sleep here until they start "NO!" So she give's me some money and kick's me in to a cab. Now i asked her , Do u whant to see me or can we have a relationship....yes she say's..i whant that..ok...so i go home.

 

Three day's go buy and now and evey thing is fine, then it go's cold...aa...No more emails or text at all....mmmm. i think...She is now sending me thing like " i us and love harts ect...use for ever ect. so isay , if u think that of me, then can i meet you....no reply at all. So i text her and she come's back with " yer, we are more then friends and i meen what i say and all this rubbish.

 

So, i asked her, can i come over and see u...no replay..mm...This whent on for a long time....then we can be " I am now in love wtih her, what a fool i am.!!!.

 

So, i get a email some time later, oooo ..my x has asked me to move back with him. But i don't know if i sould...it was only some time before this, that she told me she was painting her house, because the land lord was coming round...so she is lieing too me from the start and only whanted me to get her ex back.

 

So now they are very happy and me, well i have stoped crying and i did whant to hang my self and prayed i would die...man, did i have chest pains over it for weeks and i was hurt, she found it funny and got in to bed with her x, that was all that was on her mind and she could not careless and whent out partying and have sex with her ex and he was takeing photo's of her and they where kissing all the time ect. all the time telling me i was for her by email right up until she moved back with him.

 

So, there you are...how woman use a guy when they are on the rebound..nice..very nice...so look out guy's they will wip there arse on you, if u let them and even to day, she told me , i have to pack, so i can get back a live with my x, but we can be friends for years.....man....takeing the piss out of me or what....the work "friends"