bluestar Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 4 months of keeping myself busy, pulling myself through some really hard times, staying away and just hoping for the best, lots of great advice from some great people here, and yet I still hurt. Last time we spoke he acted as though he is fine, seeing other people (dropping hints not actually giving details)no interest in being friends...moved on. I remember walking away from him when I ended it (I didn't have much of a choice). I thought "at least now he can't hurt me any more". I felt like a weight was taken off my shoulders. But of course that quickly goes as the reality sinks in. And the bad blue days are getting further apart. Its just that when they come back, its as though I've never had any good ones in between! I miss him just as much, am just as heartbroken that it didn't work and still feel that painful sense of disbelief. Really can't fathom how someone you were so close to can be so very different and just not care at all. How I long for that time when I really feel free? Link to comment
HappyAsALark Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 It will take some time and as that time goes by you will find these days getting more and more spaced apart until they finally just quit coming at all. Take it head on and you can get through it! We are pulling for you! Link to comment
jettison Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 My ex was sure I was dating like mad only weeks after we broke up. She also though that she was forced to dump me. I don't think she had any idea just how hung up on her I was. Sure, I may have went on some dates, and saw some other women, but my heart was still stuck on her in such a big way. However, pride wouldn't let me admit that to her. I just couldn't do it. And when I would start to tell her or talk about it, and she'd respond, I just couldn't go through with it. I just kept thinking, "She hurt me. This woman hurt me. She'll do it again." And at the same time, I'm sure that she's thinking "He hurt me. He'll do it again." So, in fear, we sit back and let nothing happen and drift. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 My ex was sure I was dating like mad only weeks after we broke up. She also though that she was forced to dump me. I don't think she had any idea just how hung up on her I was. Sure, I may have went on some dates, and saw some other women, but my heart was still stuck on her in such a big way. However, pride wouldn't let me admit that to her. I just couldn't do it. And when I would start to tell her or talk about it, and she'd respond, I just couldn't go through with it. I just kept thinking, "She hurt me. This woman hurt me. She'll do it again." And at the same time, I'm sure that she's thinking "He hurt me. He'll do it again." So, in fear, we sit back and let nothing happen and drift. Your post really has some important take home messages... 1. we sometimes make wrong assumptions about people because we are so wrapped up in our own insecurities and experiences that we don't take a step outside of ourselves and really see what is going on with the other person. 2. It is important to have pride and be firm in convictions...but it is equally important to know when pride is getting in the way of sound judgement...when pride is just causing us to cut off our nose to spite our face. Bluestar, you are still healing so you will have times when you feel down about the whole thing. That is natural. He has made it clear that he no longer wants a relationship with you so it is out of your hands now. You just have to keep moving forward and slowly over time you will no longer feel down about it. Link to comment
bluestar Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 Ive been very open and honest about my feelings since we parted. No stone unturned. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 It is very important to leave no stone unturned because then you can walk away with a clear conscience, no regrets and knowing that if there is ever to be a reconciliation, the other person has to be the one to initiate things. Link to comment
yellow_sweater Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 How I long for that time when I really feel free? Exactly as long as is required. Not a day less and not a day more. Wish I had a better answer for you. But really, healing happens at a different pace for everyone. I am at 4.5 months, right about where you are. There are times when I feel great and times that I feel crappy. I've tried not to compare my progress to anyone else's, though, because there's really no way you can know what to expect based on other people's experiences... as I'm learning, this process is so individual. Hang in there. Just keep reminding yourself that those beautiful sunny days will continue to outnumber the days of gloom and doom! YS Link to comment
bridgid8 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Hey Bluestar, It is good to hear that the bad days are moving further apart, the same is happening for me. Knowing that I have made progress, I know I will continue to heal. I can't say how long it will be for either one of us, but if we keep working on being realistic and true to ourselves, the journey will prove to not just be a time of healing, but a time of personal growth. I think I am already starting to see what I am made of. I had a sort of "moment of clarity" last night. I became really proud of myself for all that I have accomplished in the 8 months since he left. Like you, this includes "pulling myself through some really hard times" and rearranging my life despite what had happened. You should be proud of yourself, too. Take care, b Link to comment
surfjon Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Well, it's been 6 months for me since she left and I am just coming out of a 2 week "black period". Maybe it was the holidays. i had been feeling pretty good but then crashed and I crashed really hard. All I wanted to do was sleep, so I did. I didn't fight it. I guess it was protection mode. I only started feeling a bit better 2 days ago and not sure why I did. I'm just glad I'm out of that place. I know there will be more down phases, I just hope that maybe next New Year will hold a more consistent outlook and I'll feel good on a regular basis. This last 6 months of my life seem like some Dali-esque painting, dripping and distorted and not real. But I know it's very real. Link to comment
thouse Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Well, it's been 6 months for me since she left and I am just coming out of a 2 week "black period". Maybe it was the holidays. i had been feeling pretty good but then crashed and I crashed really hard. All I wanted to do was sleep, so I did. I didn't fight it. I guess it was protection mode. I only started feeling a bit better 2 days ago and not sure why I did. I'm just glad I'm out of that place. I know there will be more down phases, I just hope that maybe next New Year will hold a more consistent outlook and I'll feel good on a regular basis. This last 6 months of my life seem like some Dali-esque painting, dripping and distorted and not real. But I know it's very real. I feel bad all the time because there has never been a time when I can say we broke up. We are not together but I can't tell you the exact date, I know it was maybe in August but the thing is we used to see each other, talk, and be physical sometimes because he is always around my family so I never have had a break from him. This year my resolution is too stay away from him ie(Family) for awhile so I can actually deal with this, so it seems to me like the break up just happened. Link to comment
bluestar Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 Your right comparisons are pointless, it is a very personal process. Healing requires an awful lot of patience! Good luck to you. Link to comment
bluestar Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 Hey Bluestar, It is good to hear that the bad days are moving further apart, the same is happening for me. Knowing that I have made progress, I know I will continue to heal. I can't say how long it will be for either one of us, but if we keep working on being realistic and true to ourselves, the journey will prove to not just be a time of healing, but a time of personal growth. I think I am already starting to see what I am made of. I had a sort of "moment of clarity" last night. I became really proud of myself for all that I have accomplished in the 8 months since he left. Like you, this includes "pulling myself through some really hard times" and rearranging my life despite what had happened. You should be proud of yourself, too. Take care, b Yes I think I am out of the shock phase and into the reorganisation phase. Although its a slow process. Sometimes little things are like climbing a mountain, but they are still steps in the right direction. Sorting out practical things can me wonderful for regaining a sense of personal control. And then there is the added bonus of just being more productive or just looking after yourself really well. I think I can see alot of work ahead of me and that feels overwhelming sometimes, but Im taking it one day at a time. Personal growth is a pretty good result to have from a break up isn't it? I can live with that Link to comment
bluestar Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 Well, it's been 6 months for me since she left and I am just coming out of a 2 week "black period". Maybe it was the holidays. i had been feeling pretty good but then crashed and I crashed really hard. All I wanted to do was sleep, so I did. I didn't fight it. I guess it was protection mode. I only started feeling a bit better 2 days ago and not sure why I did. I'm just glad I'm out of that place. I know there will be more down phases, I just hope that maybe next New Year will hold a more consistent outlook and I'll feel good on a regular basis. This last 6 months of my life seem like some Dali-esque painting, dripping and distorted and not real. But I know it's very real. I think this is the right time of the year to sleep!! The beginning/end of the year is when we can really slow down and reflect before starting up again. I think your also right that it was probably self protection. Funny the way your mood can just lift for no apparent reason. Im glad your feeling better. I really feel for you going through the last 6 months in a Dali painting! Thats a great description! We just have to keep faith that there is a greater purpose to all of this. I think the "black periods" do come back, but hopefully the time in between set backs gets longer and longer. At least you are dealing with things head on and not avoiding or masking your true feelings. That way we can purge all this negative stuff out and not carry it around feeling bitter or taking it out on other people! I felt better today, who knows why. Not fantastic, but just not that horrible missing him/what if/why rubbish! Link to comment
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