Yep...I'm HOPELESS.

[Leon]

Let's see... 2nd year of college and still not able to find someone of the opposite gender to at least casual hang-out with.

 

I sit and watch as my friend that does not even think about dating meets someone and other friends go through girls like soiled underwear... I can barely get a decent conversation from most girls and when I do I can tell they don't want to talk to me. And it's not like I'm always interested in them romantically. Just a casually talk can turn into hell.

 

After time and time of horrible failure I have finally gotten my friends to admit that I have bad luck after lying with that "there is someone out there waiting for me" garbage. It's like there is something wrong with me and no one else even knows what it is that's wrong. I know I have more in life that I focus on, but that never stops these attacks. At one point I started laughing at myself for being so pathetic, and crying because of the pain, in the same emotional outburst.

 

I'm tired of holding this pain in with a fake smile and fake laughter, I'm tired of being critisized when I seek help. I can literally feel the pain in my heart grow deeper when I visualize my future of being a lone and misunderstood. Pretty soon the pain will turn into hate... That's just going to lead to more trouble.

[carrickfergus]

Question: How much are you "out" there? Do you just sit at home every night playing video games and studying? Or do you do activities like going to the movies, or volunteering?

[easterisland]

There is someone out there for everyone. Just be patient and don't give up hope. Try not to sip on the haterade while your at it.

[Leon]

Question: How much are you "out" there? Do you just sit at home every night playing video games and studying? Or do you do activities like going to the movies, or volunteering?

 

Actually, I go out pretty much every weekend. Although I never really meet anyone particularly interested in talking to me. I don't stay out too late though as there isn't much to do, and I play games mostly if I'm feeling lazy.

[carrickfergus]

Ooh, maybe you need to up the ante, are you interested in anyone? Or are you just waiting for this girlfriend material to come to you? Maybe you are looking in the wrong places?

 

Besides according to statistics you will not end up alone, besides the world is tilting towards the population of women over men so there will definitely be someone who wants to have your babies.

 

P.S. You're young, you will find someone. I will bet my left foot.

[Leon]

I guess I don't have much in common. I don't watch T.V. and get the news I want through the internet. So I don't know what's going on unless it effects the majority of the world.

[carrickfergus]

You live under a rock too? Lol, go us! Anywho, so your current conversational topics are not up to snuff? Darn, I have no input. And I definitely do not support changing yourself against your personality just to get a relationship. So maybe try finding girls where you hang out most? And who have he same type of interests and just going for it.

 

P.S. Still betting my left foot, I will even through in a kidney.

[Leon]

Yeah, one time I was in a group of girls talking about celeb gossip and they asked me for my opinion. I said I didn't care. The next 5 seconds was all 3 of them looking at me like I was insane.

 

Oh Thanks. I feel a little better.

[carrickfergus]

I know, that sucks. I was talking to my friend and she was telling me about Britney Spears' younger sister being pregnant and I just went like "Isn't she like twelve? That is a shame. Another statistic. So about them Green Bay Packers."

[Leon]

I know, that sucks. I was talking to my friend and she was telling me about Britney Spears' younger sister being pregnant and I just went like "Isn't she like twelve? That is a shame. Another statistic. So about them Green Bay Packers."

 

Ha! That's actually how the convo started now that I remember it.

[carrickfergus]

It is a sad, sad day when we are reduced to talking about celebrity tweenies getting pregnant.

[random_stranger]

Hi Leon,

 

I have a book that I would like to recommend for your situation. It's called "The Game" by Neil Strauss. I know...you're probably thinking the last thing you need right now is to read a book, but check it out anyway! It's a book about pickup artists... basically, how some guys get all the girls and others don't... (sound familiar?) I'm pretty sure you'll learn a thing or two, or if nothing else, it'll be a conversation starter among friends. I tried to post the link for you, but the forum said I couldn't, so search for it at link removed and check out its reviews and see for yourself.

 

FYI, I'm a girl and here's my advice in case you're too lazy to read the book. Don't be too desperate and don't come on too strong. Women usually want what they can't have and if you make yourself seem too available, it can be unattractive. Also, I'm not sure how your self confidence level is... especially after that comment about you laughing at your 'pathetic' self, but confidence is one of the sexiest things about a man, so if you're lacking in that department, which I hope you're not, you may need to work on that first. (Or, fake it until you make it! but don't be arrogant!)

 

ok, i hope this helps. But like others have said, you're still young! so don't give up! good luck!

[bulletproof]

Yeah, one time I was in a group of girls talking about celeb gossip and they asked me for my opinion. I said I didn't care. The next 5 seconds was all 3 of them looking at me like I was insane.

 

Oh Thanks. I feel a little better.

 

Maybe this is part of the problem? I agree that celebrity gossip is probably not the best use of conversational time, but instead of saying you don't care, you could possibly be a little more light-hearted/polite about it.

 

Try to have a little fun when you're talking to people. If you're not up on whatever it is they're talking about, ask them questions. People like that. Then maybe your interactions won't be a descent into hell, as you say.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

when you meet women YOU BE YOUR OWN DAMN SELF

 

talk about whatever you want. i casually talk to women alot.......not dates as you would call but i know how to get convos started.....

 

you just be you.....when you be yourself it all becomes easy.....

[Dating Coach]

Have you ever really tried to observe and learn what your friends are doing that you are not? Clearly something is working for them in the attraction stage that you can't seem to get in on. What are they doing that you are not?

 

And no, if they lie or cheat I am not suggesting you do the same. But I can relate. When I was younger I was in the same situation. I watched all of my friends go through women like kleenax and I was alone. I would always claim that I wouldn't "go to the dark side" like them and wouldn't admit that there was still something to be learned from them. Whhen I finally opened my mind, I was able to pick up the positive things they did in catching a girls interest and all the while maintain my morals.

 

So again, try to observe how they flirt, how they talk, how quick to make a move they are and compare it all to how you do it. If you see some polar opposites then perhaps you've found a large portion of your problem.

[Dating Coach]

Yeah, one time I was in a group of girls talking about celeb gossip and they asked me for my opinion. I said I didn't care. The next 5 seconds was all 3 of them looking at me like I was insane.

 

Oh Thanks. I feel a little better.

 

Nothing wrong with that. In fact, I would have busted on them a little, in a fun manner "Celebrity Gossip? Does it look like I am wearing a skirt? What do you guys think about the Patriots this year? Moss rules!"

 

Actually, what were you doing standing around a bunch of girls talking about celebrity gossip? Where were the guys?

[ghost69]

Nothing wrong with that. In fact, I would have busted on them a little, in a fun manner "Celebrity Gossip? Does it look like I am wearing a skirt? What do you guys think about the Patriots this year? Moss rules!"

 

Actually, what were you doing standing around a bunch of girls talking about celebrity gossip? Where were the guys?

 

'like i care if britney shaved her head again.' all i'd say. patriots would never come out of my mouth. lol

[Dating Coach]

'like i care if britney shaved her head again.' all i'd say. patriots would never come out of my mouth. lol

 

That was a joke ghost.

 

-----

joke

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[ghost69]

That was a joke ghost.

 

-----

joke

-----

 

you don't think i know that was a joke? pats can kiss it is all im sayin.

[Leon]

Nothing wrong with that. In fact, I would have busted on them a little, in a fun manner "Celebrity Gossip? Does it look like I am wearing a skirt? What do you guys think about the Patriots this year? Moss rules!"

 

Actually, what were you doing standing around a bunch of girls talking about celebrity gossip? Where were the guys?

 

There weren't really any guys around at the time, otherwise I wouldn't even be in the group of girls in the first place.

[Dating Coach]

What was the scenario?

[Leon]

Well it was at a bible study gathering, and there weren't every many guys my age there anyway. In fact, now that I actually think about it, there aren't any guys my age AT ALL. After the lesson, we kind of just hang around for a few minutes and chat for a while before we leave.

 

Most of the girls there aren't really my type, but that doesn't mean i won't try talking to them, so I occasional attempt jumping into one of their convos. Since they are really, REALLY, into superficial type garbage, like clothes and crap, you can imagine how hard it is to input positive remarks. There was a time in the conversation where they were discussing a wedding that was set with a "phantom of the opera" theme. All of them were expressing how dreamy it must have been. One of them said it was breathtaking. Personally, I thought that the only thing that could be breathtaking about it was the cost of the wedding. It took all my strength to hold in that comment.

 

Another time, we had a party afterward and I basically just sat in the kitchen and ate at a table by myself. I honestly could not get into their conversations, they were talking about reality TV shows. First of all I don't watch much TV any more and second of all if I did watch, that would be the LAST thing I would watch. Eh, there IS this girl there that likes me I think, I KNOW she did at one point, but after several conversations she kind of realized we were not really similar. There are still some after effects, she kind of stands around me hoping I will start a conversation with her (like at this party after the lesson). But I hardly ever do really, she's not always interesting to talk to, from my point of view.

 

I guess that's a problem too. The few girls that have liked me, I either am not aware of personally, find out when it's too late, or end up being cold due to not really liking them...

[Dating Coach]

Well it was at a bible study gathering, and there weren't every many guys my age there anyway. In fact, now that I actually think about it, there aren't any guys my age AT ALL. After the lesson, we kind of just hang around for a few minutes and chat for a while before we leave.

 

How come there aren't any guys your age there? Do they just not go or are there no other guys your age to go there?

 

Most of the girls there aren't really my type, but that doesn't mean i won't try talking to them, so I occasional attempt jumping into one of their convos. Since they are really, REALLY, into superficial type garbage, like clothes and crap, you can imagine how hard it is to input positive remarks.

 

LEON... they're girls. Of course they're into clothes and crap. It's what most normal girls do.

 

There was a time in the conversation where they were discussing a wedding that was set with a "phantom of the opera" theme. All of them were expressing how dreamy it must have been. One of them said it was breathtaking. Personally, I thought that the only thing that could be breathtaking about it was the cost of the wedding. It took all my strength to hold in that comment.

 

Again, they're being girls. This is normal. If you're looking for girls who sit around discussing the latest football game you might be looking for a long time.

 

And don't hold back comments like how much it will cost. That could have made the conversation interesting. All of them against you. You busting them on wasting money (in your opinion) and they'd come back with how a wedding is supposed to be one of the pinnacles of their lives (in their opinions). That may have been a fun conversation full of busting on them and laughing.

 

Another time, we had a party afterward and I basically just sat in the kitchen and ate at a table by myself. I honestly could not get into their conversations, they were talking about reality TV shows. First of all I don't watch much TV any more and second of all if I did watch, that would be the LAST thing I would watch.

 

Maybe you shouldn't be spending so much time around them alone. Couldn't you bring a friend? Or couldn't you perhaps dictate the conversation? Interject and tell them they're talking about boring stuff and invite them to join a game of something... Truth of Dare even. Just quit standing around them allowing yourself to sit on the sidelines of their conversation. Take charge.

 

I guess that's a problem too. The few girls that have liked me, I either am not aware of personally, find out when it's too late, or end up being cold due to not really liking them...

 

Up your level of teasing and flirting, and be quicker in asking the girl you are interested in out on a date or make a move. Don't wait until you "receive signs that she likes you back" before making a move. All those guys you see in relationships everywhere you go... 95% of them didn't sit back and wait for permission or for a guaranteed yes, they just got out there and did it.