Is Scared Normal ??

[hugmeup]

I met a man on a dating site and he called me everyday for a year. On the anniversary of our one year, I went out to see him for 2 weeks and had a great time. I did not want to come home and he would have liked for me to stay longer.

Anyway, the chemistry was there and I am now making arrangements to come out to be with him.

The problem is that I am so scared as I am having to make some serious life altering changes in order to go to him.

Also, before I went out to meet him, the time went by quickly and I was not as affected by the distance as I am now.

Although I have been back home for 4 days, it feels like forever !!!

Is all of this normal??

[Gath]

I met a man on a dating site and he called me everyday for a year. On the anniversary of our one year, I went out to see him for 2 weeks and had a great time. I did not want to come home and he would have liked for me to stay longer.

Anyway, the chemistry was there and I am now making arrangements to come out to be with him.

The problem is that I am so scared as I am having to make some serious life altering changes in order to go to him.

Also, before I went out to meet him, the time went by quickly and I was not as affected by the distance as I am now.

Although I have been back home for 4 days, it feels like forever !!!

Is all of this normal??

 

Of course being scared and missing him is normal. Those are big changes for someone who while its possible you know, its equally possible you don't know him well. Are you going to be living with him, or just living near him? If the stress of having to move in with him is whats getting to you I'd suggest just living near him in an apartment of your own.

[hugmeup]

Of course being scared and missing him is normal. Those are big changes for someone who while its possible you know, its equally possible you don't know him well. Are you going to be living with him, or just living near him? If the stress of having to move in with him is whats getting to you I'd suggest just living near him in an apartment of your own.

I am going to move in with him.

At 58 yrs of age, I am giving up 3/4 of my income as I am a caregiver and have conservatorship of a woman that I took in at 6 months of age and she is now 26 yrs old.

She is going to stay with my daughter who is going to take all but a small portion of the money.

I was thinking I might go back to school for LVN as they make good money and it would only take a year to do.

My honey says that I am too worried about the money and that things will be ok.

Although he says he loves me and misses me, I am still a bit insecure and feel better when he reassures me that everything will be fine.

I guess at my age, making a move almost 2000 miles away is scary. But at the same time, I wish I were there "ALREADY".

My thoughts and emotions are a bit scrambled right now but I know I could not live a LDR for a long time.

[Batya33]

I would not make these drastic changes for someone you have known in person for two weeks - you've known pairs of socks longer.

 

I would move out there only if you can afford to live on your own, get a job and go on dates with him a few times a week. In a year from now after dating in person you can consider moving in. Just my humble opinion - this man is a near stranger you're taking mighty big risks for - unnecessary risks.

[AwdreeHpburn]

How old is he?

 

What is preventing him from moving to where you are?

[hugmeup]

How old is he?

 

What is preventing him from moving to where you are?

He is 57 yrs old.

He is a homeowner and can't leave the house as easily as that. Especially with the housing market the way it is.

He is also a disabled veteran and has lots of services and meds out of the VA hospital just 20 minutes away from his house.

It was just easier for me to relocate.

[Batya33]

Yes -so relocate, get your own place and own job and date him for a year.

[happythoughts]

Hello, I'm afraid I don't agree with the other posters - you are not 25 and moving there. It's not as if you're going to meet loads of new young friends, spend five nights a week in the bars and just seem him on Saturday nights for a date. I think you should accept that you're scared but go for it. If it doesn't work out you can always move back!

But trying to get an apartment and "dating" sounds like it will make you more miserable..and potentially lonely.

Just my thought

[Batya33]

If the OP cannot enjoy being on her own in this new town she should not move and depend on this man to be her entertainment and to give her attention. Period. She should move only if she wanted to move there anyway, only if she is willing to be independent and make her own friends (I made several close friends last year through groups I joined and I am nowhere near 25 - I am now 41).

 

She will be far more lonely and miserable if her expectation is that he will be her entire social life and when she gets there she realizes he doesn't want to take on that burden. And it is a burden - no one should have to be their partner's entire life. If she lives on her own she can date him when they feel like going on a date or spending time together not because she is under his roof and dependent on him.

[rosie76]

First off, I think it's completely normal to be scared by such a big life choice.

 

My question would be: is the decision reversible if you aren't happy? Do your finances / life situation allow you to move back if this doesn't work out?