Got over infatuation, still have a few feeling, any words of wisdom?

[Elof Valantor]

This isn't really a question... I'm more after some advice, a few words of wisdom, or whatever. So anyway...

 

I recently (i.e. a few weeks ago) finally got over a very large and badly handled online infatuation that had lasted about 10 months. I suppose a little background is needed on that.

 

Basically in november of 2006 I got to know a girl in America through a forum and we ended up spending a few weeks trading passionate PMs, before getting a little more serious and going to IM, and ended up having one of these online internet relationships. In january '07 she broke it off citing split feelings with another guy. Looking back I can say I took this very very badly, making things very awkward, especially when she hooked up with this other guy (online again). Then in the spring about may time we started the passionate IMing again (I was pushing for it. Guess I hoped it'd make her want me again on a personal and not sexual level), and this time things got a lot more serious. Pictures, videos. We really really got into it. It was really good, except she was supposed to be with this other guy. I still wanted her really badly, she didn't want me outside of the sexual side of things. This stopped later in the summer and started up again in the autumn briefly, before I caved in to my feelings and gave her an ultimatum.

 

Her reply was negative and since then I've not felt caught up at all. It was a relief in fact. We still talk and are friends, but that's it.

 

Now this is where I'd like some advice. I don't feel caught up about anything any more - I don't despair or long achingly or anything like that. But I do still like her a lot. I have some pretty strong feelings (the kind that make you smile). Enough to wish that maybe one day, when the past is sufficiently behind, something could start up again. I'd like to know just what you make of it.

 

There are things about her that attract me in ways nothing else ever has. Sexually she arouses me more than anyone ever has with her figure, voice, eyes, all of it. Just thinking about her can often be enough to arouse me beyond what, say, porn could manage. But I also like who she is a lot, and we share a lot of interests (except games, she hates games, I love 'em). More often than not I think of doing normal, boring stuff with her (i.e. shopping... and I hate shopping) and that gives me, in a strange but pleasant way, more satisfaction than the sexual side of things.

 

However, being the over complicating sort that I am I do think about the online part a lot. I realise we could be completely different to what we portray online and all that. I now think that I do indeed act differently online (a revelation I had quite recently) so I try keep a realistic perspective on the whole thing.

 

So should I harbour those hopes for something later on? Or do some of you think I should cut contact and back away? I'm interested in peoples take on it. We wouldn't be able to meet for about 2 years, so that's a lot of time to sort things out and see what happens.

 

Note: The past is A LOT more complicated than what I put here... (i.e. strict parents didn't take kindly to roses turning up - long story) so try not to look at things too specifically.

[Elof Valantor]

Well yesterday we chatted for the first time since Christmas and it didn't take long for me to start feeling wound up again. I refuse to go on like this, and have decided to do what I should have done a long time ago.

 

I've read a few threads around here and I now believe I know what I should have done straight away - no contact. I'm going to talk to her today I think about it and then I'm going to disappear. It's the only way I'll get over her.

 

I'd like to call her to say goodbye, but she'll say don't when I mention it (parents), so instead I've done the only other thing I feel I can do to show her how I feel and that's record a video, explaining why I feel I have to go. I don't want to hide behind text. She's worth more than that.

 

Please, before I go ahead and do this, someone tell me if I'm doing the right thing? I think I am but... no one really thinks straight at times like this do they.

[smallguy]

This is a pure fantasy relationship- it is semi real- and if i were you i'd try to reframe it and see it for what it is, a bit of fun- the addiction is the danger, risk, etc, and this is the rush that you get hooked on- you can't do normal relationship stuff- cooking together watching tv, shower, moan at eachother for leaving crumbs in the bed- in fact i would say that it's ok and ideal just remember that cyberspace for many people is fantasy, they can do/be whatever or whoever they want to be, so just use it for a bit of escapism, and nothing more- easier said than done when there are emotions involved, but nonetheless, what if anything do you hope to achieve?

[Wakingdream]

I wouldn't do the video thing or anything for that matter....just disappear. That'll say more than anything else you can do.