Ladies, what are the basic, necessary questions you

[sarsapolis6]

would like a man to ask you on during the first-second dates or lunches? I was told: "give her questions that let her talk about herself"

 

And what specific things do you want the man to mention about himself?

 

I've covered on my first date:

• What cars we drive and gas mileage differences
  
• How she's doing at work
  
• Somewhat of her previous occupation as a security guard. But I might not want to bring up "work-related" stuff again.
  
• What her and I likes to do for fun: She vaguely said "hang out with friends." I mentioned a particular place my buddies and I go.
  
• Comparing our body weight and size (she brought this up, probably because I'm taller and slender than her.)

What's your analysis on what I could bring to the table next time? We only had about 30 minutes to talk but I could've done a lot more. We ate, she wasn't being very talkative, and then we had to do an errand for one of her co-workers. (I stuck with her)

 

Things I can focus on next:

• She held her hair up with red chopsticks and before lunch she went directly to a stall in the mall that sells asiatic stuff. I can compliment on her appreciation for different cultures, and joke that she doesn't have to worry about using restaurant chopsticks. (ugh?)
  
• Her NYE plans, and I could ask her what salsa clubs have the best NYE parties

Other than that I'm lost!

[KG]

Her choice of clothes.. compliment her.

Music, dancing, etc.

Family.

Start to feel about her, try to get personal, laugh at a joke and such!

[Night Pumpkin]

Compliment her on having chosen such a handsome and intelligent man to go out with...

 

haha, just joking.......

 

dude, just be yourself on a date. Don't try to impress the woman. Just be yourself and have fun...

[Dating Coach]

Ugh! Questions? Yikes! I like to go out and have fun, not sit down for an interview! Most of the time the questions you have come out pretty quickly anyway, I'd much rather see if I feel a connection before I worry about giving or receiving a laundry list of questions.

 

 

But that's me.

[rocio]

When I was dating, I preferred to say and know as little as possible about the other person. The first few dates shouldn't be a play-by-play of the last 10 years of your life. They should be a chance to become familiar with the other person's personality. Do you share a similar sense of humor? Are you attracted to one another? How do they behave socially? How polite are they? Slowly, if interest is still there, you can get to know things about one another. Divulging too much information in the first few dates is a really bad idea.

 

Let's say the other person finds that they just aren't attracted to you afterall. Now you've poured out your heart to them, and when they don't call back, you're going to start feeling insecure about all the stuff you told them.. playing it over and over again in your mind, wondering which part scared them off.

 

Take things slowly. Don't get ahead of yourself or jump head first into a pool before you know whether it's got water in it.

[Dating Coach]

Thank you, that's how I feel as well.

[Batya33]

I found that it worked better to talk about a seemingly "innocent" topic like music, art, travel, movies, books or lighthearted stories about family. I learned a lot in this way - is he a good listener, does he exxagerate or is he comfortable telling it like it is, is his sense of humor compatible with mine (a huge deal for me!!), and does he ask follow up questions.

 

For example, a friend of mine mentioned to her date that she liked impressionistic art and his reaction was dismissive and trivializing (obviously he didn't need to like impressionistic art but it would have been nice if he asked a question about what particularly she liked, why, or when she started appreciating that form of art).

 

One of my worst dates was when my date responded with "[long pause] "ANYWAY........" each time I finished saying something including any brief anecdotes. Yes, he asked me out again several times (I didn't go) so apparently I did not bore him.

[yellow_sweater]

Don't compliment her unless it's mixed with teasing.

 

Just tease her and generally act like you're not that interested as you get to know her.

 

If you don't understand why this is the best approach I don't have time to tell you why in this post.

 

Does ^this^ count as playing games? Because stuff like this ticks me off.

 

JUST BE YOURSELF.

[Dating Coach]

I think acting non-interested when you are is wrong, and yes, is playing games. But if someone is constantly coming on too strong too early, telling them to be themselves isn't much help either. Of course someone should be themselves, but they should also be taught to show restraint and self control.

[yellow_sweater]

I think acting non-interested when you are is wrong, and yes, is playing games. But if someone is constantly coming on too strong too early, telling them to be themselves isn't much help either. Of course someone should be themselves, but they should also be taught to show restraint and self control.

 

I'm not sure. I think I agree with you, but then again, I have met some women in the past that really like it when a guy is really into them from the start (usually the type of person that looks to others for validation). I think it's more important to be yourself and find someone who likes you for who you are than to try to change your behavior to fit what the majority of women like.

 

Having said that, there's a difference between coming on a bit too strongly and being a stalker!! The former is unfortunate for the wrong person; the latter is BAD!

 

YS

[Dating Coach]

Those people you've met are out of the ordinary I'd think. Because if that were the norm we wouldn't be seeing so many guys blowing it on these forums from coming on too soon or too strongly.

 

Besides, showing restraint and self control isn't "not being yourself" it's showing maturity.