Space/Time Considerations

[Adobe GIllis]

I am shy when it comes to women, but I have dated plenty of them. The only reason for this was due to my environment at the time. Where you are, when you are, and what you are doing is tantamount to showing-off your best qualities at the right time on a regular basis. Everyone has best qualities of some sort. The skill is in being seen. If you went to college, it was a given you knew some guy who was in a band. He probably got lots of female attention, right? Damn right! Its not because he looked good or even played well (all the college bands I knew sucked) it was because he was SEEN. This dude is under the lights and singled out from everyone in the club and he is flexing his creative muscle no matter how weak it is. It's all peacockery and this guy's plumage was on display while your's wasn't. Who's gonna get lucky first? We are humans, hence we are visual creatures, hence you must be seen.

 

This occurred to me recently when I was working in a more solitary job. Throughout college and graduate school, I had garnered much attention (whether I liked it or not) from art exhibitions in which I was featured. At every one of my openings, I was hit on. They came to me and I didn't have to do any of the work. Shy guy's dream. As I got a little older and started carreering, my job kept me out of the limelight in which I once basked and it began to get more difficult to find any interested or interesting women, despite keeping-up my appearance. As you get older, your friends who aren't shy are probably going to get married off and you will see them once in a blue moon. Their fiancees and wives will all invariably say at this point I don't have any single friends..." Not to quote Morrissey, but stop me if you think that you've heard this one before. As a result, you get left behind. Kind of.

If you find yourself in the lonely thirties/twenties/or even forties, you can try this:

 

1)Break from your workaday schedule by rekindling an interest you know you have. Decide if you are artistic, musical, athletic, pedantic, intellectual, like to go bowling, etc. Something you have some confidence in, even if you haven't done it in a while.

 

2)Take this interest and ability and choose a SOCIAL goal for it. Make sure it is something females will attend. And I mean a good amount of them. Yoga-yes.

Yoda fan club-probably not. (Yoda is pretty cool tho...)

 

3) Make sure you are halfway decent in this goal. Don't make a fool of yourself repeatedly doing something in which you are not suited, because you need to build confidence and prowess.(see 1).

 

4)Frequency is a key. The more you go there, the more likely you will be seen. If you didn't like it the first time, give it a chance and keep at it for a month or so and see if your attitude changes. That first day will most likely be scary.

 

5)Make sure this social goal is indeed constructive. Going to the local pub all the time will not put you in the best of conditions and you'll probably become a drunk as you drown your loneliness. Besides, you really don't want to chance dating a woman who spends 5 nights a week in a bar. (Unless your goal is rock music. In this case you will most likely have to appear at pubs/clubs).

 

6)Remember that being new to a club/function/gathering/social arrangement takes time to master no matter how skilled you are in your choice. More than likely, you aren't the alpha-male (especially if you are on this forum) of the group and you will need to focus on the craft of your newfound scene before you start-in on the females. There is always an alphan and he will advertise himself very well. Hell, he probably organized the social gathering in the first place! Don't worry, just do what you do and try your best. Be persistent and consistent.

 

7) As you shake your greenery off and begin to build the confidence in your social skill, you will enjoy going more often. The more frequently you are SEEN, the more that certain lady will notice you. She may be single or she may wind-up dumping her zero for you. You have something in common already, so breaking the ice is no problem.

 

Now you just have to keep her. Can't help you there folks...

 

Sorry this post was andro-centric. I realize there are many shy and lonely women out there, but I don't know how to pick-up guys, because frankly, I don't want to. Can't help you there either.

 

Anyway, see how it works. It might take about 6 months depending on the female/male demographic of your community, but its better than going to Blockbuster every Friday night.

[Dako]

Makes sense to me.

If you work in a cubicle and go home to play WoW, you won't meet many people.

 

I was working in a hospital for a while, and some misguided women wanted to fix me up with friends or date me. It felt pretty weird to get all that attention.

 

Putting yourself out there is how you'll meet all kinds of folks, not just dating.

[Adobe GIllis]

Makes sense to me.

If you live in a cubical and go home to play WoW, you won't meet many people.

 

I was working in a hospital for a while, and some misguided women wanted to fix me up with friends or date me. It felt pretty weird to get all that attention.

 

Good point! MMORPG's are death to your real-life sociability. Games like Warcrack can keep the lonely enjoying their loneliness.