Relationships that include kids...

[need2bme]

I was just wondering peoples thoughts on GETTING into a relationship that would involve kids.

 

I ask, because I really want the whole family deal. As I am older, it would probably be ill advised to try and have a baby, so I wouldn't mind a relationship that includes kids (when I am ready to get back out there).

 

The problem is, I don't want to hurt the kids involved. I actually missed the ex's kids and I know at least one of them was attached to me.

 

I will just have to be very aware of what happened with my ex and I, watch for the red flags and really WAIT this time, before meeting any kids.

 

Kids don't need to get attached to someone else, simply to have them gone.

[King_Of_Fools]

As someone who grew up moving in & living with my mother's different boyfriends, and being a single dad, you are correct. Kids should not be introduced until things are absolutely serious. Sure, you're going to want to meet them, and mom will want you to meet them ASAP, but it's much better to wait.

[circi]

Ditto what King of Fools said.

[RayKay]

You just have to, as the other posters said, ensure that things are pretty serious and going to be stable before you meet the kids. In some cases this can be several months and I know some people whom did not meet the kids until a year or so into it.

 

Kids do get attached, because they don't have a concept of "dating casually", so just make sure you are definitely intending to be in it for the long run before meeting.

 

As a kid I met my stepfather pretty early on - but that is only because my parents met at Parents Without Partners and it was not intentional by my mum, just that we all met at the PWP events! It worked out though as they are still together 22+ years later

[wiser]

I dated a girl for about a month and a half, and dated another for 4 months. The first one had one daughter, aged 13, and the other had 3 kids, ages 10, 11, and 17.

 

They both told me that they waited at least 6 months, closer to a year, before introducing a guy to their children, for the reasons stated above and also for "safety issues".

 

Both of these women introduced me to their kids within a few weeks. I am no longer with either one of them...but I wasnt with them long enough for the kids to get really attached to me either.

 

I guess its one of those case by case things. Children do learn that relationships are not always forever. In fact, they rarely are.