How do you reserve yourself from a quiet, withdrawn

[sarsapolis6]

person to someone who is so friendly, talkative, and (slightly) humorous that the people you work with won't feel weird to be around you?

 

Also, how can you be talkative without being annoying?

 

 

Just "being around people" doesn't seem to work as a solution, because they will soon stop being nice and understanding to your "quietness" problem. And they'll move on.

 

I think I may have this opportunity to change this around, which is why I'm reading more popular things, watching more popular shows and if I have to, find a way to cram all of this information into memory, so that way people will hear my voice more.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I was very reserved when I first started college, but I found that's not an easy way to make friends.

 

Small talk is a good start, weather, local news, and basic stuff acts as a good opening. Since you work with these people you could ask how their day is going, what they plan to do for the weekend.

 

Let them lead for a while, just ask questions and keep them talking, its easier to talk to others if they talk while you are starting out and still the quiet type. Once you get to know people and their interests you can be more specific about what you can talk about.

[toshiba]

person to someone who is so friendly, talkative, and (slightly) humorous that the people you work with won't feel weird to be around you?

 

Also, how can you be talkative without being annoying?

 

 

Just "being around people" doesn't seem to work as a solution, because they will soon stop being nice and understanding to your "quietness" problem. And they'll move on.

 

I think I may have this opportunity to change this around, which is why I'm reading more popular things, watching more popular shows and if I have to, find a way to cram all of this information into memory, so that way people will hear my voice more.

 

I haven't a clue what shows are on tv and have no problem talking to dozens of people everyday at work. It sounds like you're trying to be an anthropologist and examine the behavior of your fellow humans. Put the Jane Goodall book down and discover who YOU are.....not who you think you're supposed to be.

Don't try to fit into any mold of what you think is "normal". It will look phony and that's what creates uneasiness in people.

 

It's when you're being yourself that people relax. And when you be yourself, you have to show that you're ok with being yourself. If you look as if you're uneasy with yourself, others will feel uneasy too.

But if you look perfectly ok with who you are, then others will pick up on that.

 

You can't follow any script. It just doesn't work like that.

 

(Oh and btw, once upon a time, I could hardly talk to or even look at anyone.)

[Catatonic]

CB's right. It's just all about the small talk: "Hi. How're you doing? Blah, blah..."

 

Just relax, let them talk and follow in with the conversation.

[easyguy]

Do not feel like you have to be in the popular crowd to make friends. I would rather meet someone who is authentic than someone who intentionally tries to be with "it" as a means of meeting people. It seems slightly superficial to me, but that is just my perspective.

 

I used to be quiet and reserved all through middle school, high school, and the first year or so of college. But after I got more into college, I started to really open up with my peers. It is just part of the lifestyle I live, yet not necessarily the bulk of my experience. I would still rather spend my evenings at home, but I do not mind mingling, making connections, what have you.

 

This is sort of like music theory in a way. If you think about scales and chords too much, you might miss out on the music. Take this advice for what it is, because in the end, you will have to be yourself. I've learned things on this site over the years, but I have also learned a lot from just being and engaging myself in different situations with all of the spontinaety that life throws at me.

[hey jo]

i am painfully shy. full stop.

 

and i HAVE TO talk to a lot of people, it's basically one of my jobs. not business talks anyway, but just normal friendly convos with people.

 

what i do is just ask questions until that person says something that i am also interested in. trust me, people like being asked. i also found that when i ask a lot of things about them, they also ask something about me.

 

give sincere compliments as well. thatd be really helpful.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

...........................

[itsallgrand]

I love toshiba's response, and agree.

 

Are you looking to make friends, or to just get along nicely?

 

Hey, we each have our own personalities and our own interests. That's fine. I do think the best start to anything is with self acceptance. Hard lesson to learn, but a good one.

 

There really is nothing worse (IMO) that folks who try too hard to fit in. That was high school, and sure, some people extend that to adulthood, but can we not?

 

I relate to your post bc I used to be very aloof to the point of coming accross as snobbish to some people. It was hard for me to just relax, take things as they come, and talk to people in that somewhat easy way as coworkers/acquaintainces.

 

But it's a good start to learn to get comfortable there, and can be used in so many situations. There will always be people who we aren't close to, and who may not become close friends of ours, but who we need to relate to on a friendly basis.

 

I think, it might help to just take some pressure off yourself. This is work. You are there to do a good job first and foremost. If you make friends, hey, a bonus! but not the biggest thing in the world if not, right?

 

Just try to let things happen as they come. Let yourself relax: and your interest and questions and comments and even joking will come.

 

See, the way I see it is, it's not who you are nor your personality that is the block here, the block is being stressed out/tight about it.

 

Make up in your mind that it's an experiment. You go in, be who you are, and if people think you are weird...let them. Take a good look at it. I think you will find that 90 some percent do not think anything like this! And those who do, usually are goofballs or in their own world anyways. You don't have to agree with them. You can laugh it off, not pay it much mind.

 

The key is to get comfy in your own skin regardless of what others think.

[Celadon]

person to someone who is so friendly, talkative, and (slightly) humorous that the people you work with won't feel weird to be around you?

You have to have a sense of fun. People like people who are fun to be around or are positive. Many times we who are more reserved are more serious. We're thinkin' all the time! People in general relate more to those who don't require much out of them. They enjoy a friendly hello, an enthusiastic response, someone who picks up on what they're saying, or someone who will entertain them. Truly! It's pretty basic. (Although not necessarily easy to do!)

 

But you have to see it as a skill. Also, you have to want to connect with people. Or at least, you have to want to be sociable. I think one problem shy people have is that they mistake being sociable with having to care deeply about every person and be everyone's really good friend, which is exhausting. Some of the most popular people don't particularly *care* about the other person, they just want to have fun with them. Which is fine.

 

Also, how can you be talkative without being annoying?

To me, talkative and annoying happens when the person isn't thinking about what they're saying and they're just blathering on and on. For goodness sake, please don't become like that! Also, some people who talk a lot are boring because they're almost giving a lecture on some facts. That's also annoying. Monitor yourself and the person you're talking to. If they look like their bored or are faking enthusiasm, stop talking!! And let them talk!

 

Just "being around people" doesn't seem to work as a solution, because they will soon stop being nice and understanding to your "quietness" problem. And they'll move on.

Yes, it's true, you actually have to say something. The key is that people actually expect the other person to be somewhat self-interested, meaning, they'll expect you to talk a bit about yourself. So don't be "quiet" for the sake of being a "good listener." A good listener actually isn't completely silent. He/she asks follow up questions or inserts a comment now and then.

 

I think I may have this opportunity to change this around, which is why I'm reading more popular things, watching more popular shows and if I have to, find a way to cram all of this information into memory, so that way people will hear my voice more.

That's fine. Just make sure you're interested in the stuff you're watching and reading. It's hard to be excited or say anything interesting if you're not into it. Good luck!

 

 

P.S. I also like toshiba's response.