After Sex, I Feel Used. What's Wrong With Me?

[Sunshine75]

Can someone please help me?

 

I'm 32 years old and a single mom of 2 kids.

I've had a couple of "serious" relationships but only one person I can say I've felt a very deep love for and connection with(my first love).

 

I enjoy sex, was never made to feel guilty about it and grew up knowing that it's natural and enjoyable. However, every time I have sex I end up feeling used and resentful. I swear my feelings change as strongly and quickly as this smiley ---->

 

I'm currently not in a relationship, but even when I am always end up feeling like I'm being short changed, like my partner is treating me "less than" he should/could, and that I'm being used. When there's no sex involved, I'm just fine. But as soon as I'm intimate I feel resentful and angry that I got shortchanged?!??!

 

There have been times in between relationships(like now) when there may be someone that I end up intimate with, without a relationship. And even though I go into the situation knowing that it's just sex. And happy that it's just sex. Because all I wanted was sex. I automatically feel resentful and used afterwards anyway...

 

I want to be able to have a "normal" "healthy" sex life - whatever that is... But I know I can't when these negative feelings come up.

 

Any ideas or suggestions?

Thanks in advance!

[saltandvinegar]

I swear my feelings change as strongly and quickly as this smiley ---->

 

I'm currently not in a relationship, but even when I am always end up feeling like I'm being short changed, like my partner is treating me "less than" he should/could, and that I'm being used. When there's no sex involved, I'm just fine. But as soon as I'm intimate I feel resentful and angry that I got shortchanged?!??!

 

There have been times in between relationships(like now) when there may be someone that I end up intimate with, without a relationship. And even though I go into the situation knowing that it's just sex. And happy that it's just sex. Because all I wanted was sex. I automatically feel resentful and used afterwards anyway...

 

!

 

I feel the same way and I dont know what the answer is - except to sAY that when you get into these sex only encounters maybe you really do it in the hope of something more. Even tho u tell yourself its just sex at the time.

 

I think thats what i am doing anyway.

[Sunshine75]

I feel the same way and I dont know what the answer is - except to sAY that when you get into these sex only encounters maybe you really do it in the hope of something more. Even tho u tell yourself its just sex at the time.

 

I think thats what i am doing anyway.

 

 

Yes, I believe you are right.

Maybe not consciously, but I guess I do later.

 

Like when I'm spending the rest of the week alone with no one to talk to, or cuddle with at night, or go out with on a date. Then I get really upset that all I got was sex and perhaps the guy is doing something more meaningful with someone else....

 

And I just feel like dirt.

 

Technically, I know I'm "worthy" and "loveable" etc. But for a long time now there is no one. Even when there is, I end up feeling like I'm not being treated as well by them as they would/did treat others. Then when we're intimate, I feel used and resentful.

 

I think I'm kinda screwed up, but I don't know what's wrong or how to fix it.

 

Thank you for responding saltandvinegar.

[Mysterygirl]

because deep down you want more. it is not him you are resenting, it's yourself...

[Sunshine75]

Hmmmm....

 

That sounds suspiciously sane of you to say Mysterygirl.

 

Pretty darn correct actually.

 

But now, what can I do?

 

If what I really want is a loving, committed relationship and it's been extremely hard to establish with someone, what can I do? It seems like all that's available to me at this time is meaningless sex. And I've spent years alone. Without sex or affection for no other reason than I knew that I wanted more of a relationship, but there wasn't one.

 

Now I'm tired of being alone and wanted at least some affection or sex to pass the time until I can find something better for me, but even that is having a negative affect on me.

 

I feel like I'm darned if I do and darned if I don't.

[saltandvinegar]

Yes, I believe you are right.

Maybe not consciously, but I guess I do later.

 

Like when I'm spending the rest of the week alone with no one to talk to, or cuddle with at night, or go out with on a date. Then I get really upset that all I got was sex and perhaps the guy is doing something more meaningful with someone else....

 

And I just feel like dirt.

 

Technically, I know I'm "worthy" and "loveable" etc. But for a long time now there is no one. Even when there is, I end up feeling like I'm not being treated as well by them as they would/did treat others. Then when we're intimate, I feel used and resentful.

 

I think I'm kinda screwed up, but I don't know what's wrong or how to fix it.

.

OMG this is exactly how I am feeling at the moment. Its exactly. Read my thread and weep.