what to do with ex

[caliboy]

i'm trying to get over my ex. it's been 11 months and we still talk. we email and talk about once a week. I'm struggling, cause I know stopping contact for a loooong time is what I should do to move on and get over her, but this doesn't feel right. I sent her a text message last night telling her I can't sleep and she called me asking what was wrong. she was really sweet about it all and i told her i was angry at her and basically told her everything i was feeling. how i miss her, want to work things out, take things slow and give it another try. i asked if she ever thinks about this or ever wants this and she said yes. she has a boyfriend now who she has feelings for and is intimate with.

 

she's really sweet to me and it kills me inside that i can't be with her. she tells me she doesn't know what she wants. she never says it's not going to work out between us, but just that she's confused, having fun, etc. I tell her that i'm angry at what's going on and that I hate feeling this way everyday. she told me i live far away, and she wants the cuddling, holding hands, go to movies, etc. i guess that's why she's with this guy now, cause he's close. she also said that i'm a jealous person and that she wasn't happy towards the end of our relationship cause of it. she also said that she couldn't change me. i know what she's talking about cause i went away for a couple weeks and I was acting really weird, calling her a lot and accusing her of things she wasn't doing. i was being mistrustful/jealous/insecure. I told her I agree that the way I acted was wrong, but that people DO change. I made a mistake and I'm sorry for it. I started to go into it, but she had to go to sleep to wake up early and said we'd talk about it another time.

 

Basically we still talk, she's sweet to me, wants to be friends, but that there may be potential for us, just not right now. When we talked last night, there was a point in the call where i felt like she was borderline wanting to talk about trying things again. I feel like it's up to me now to do something to win her heart, but I'm lost at this. How do I go about addressing her fears about what she was hurt over and winning her back? I want her to see I'm changed and that she doesn't have to worry. I know what I want and it's her, I just don't know how to go about getting her.

[Michelle2234]

I know how you feel...and that is a hard thing to hear. Sometimes it's hard to believe that people go through these types of situations just like you every day, and so many people!

 

I could give a lot of advice, and a lot of suggestions, but only one would be true. This is one of the hardest ones to hear and accept, and that is, you don't really need or have to do anything. If it was meant to be, it will be. That is the truth. If she still loves you, and you still love her, and the timing is right, it will work. And if it never works, and I know that's hard to hear now, but guess what, you WILL be okay, and it all will pass, and you could meet someone even more wonderful than her, who would never play games with you by talking on the phone agreeing that she misses you as well...all the while she's having an intimate relationship with someone else.

 

Everything will be okay, that is one thing that I CAN promise you!

 

So just cheer up, and enjoy your life and be appreciate for the things you do have!

[dave_1966]

Caliboy, I read your piece with interest. I was dumped 11 months ago also by my ex, whom I'd been seeing 3 years. However, it's interesting how these girls minds work. I told my ex that if she left me, I would never want to talk to her again, there'd be no friendship....nothing. She called constantly after she dumped me (can you understand women?) even going so far as to tell me she'd been sleeping with someone else. I barred all her phone numbers. Now, the point I make is this, at the moment this ex of yours has you exactly where she wants you. She has a new bf, which she's comfortable telling you all about, while she also knows that you're waiting on her effectively putting your life on hold. You've got to be careful here, because not only are you in a no win situation you're also in a no respect one. There's no 'mystery' to what you're doing, and mystery is exciting to alot of women. She knows you're there, come rain or shine. Some girls love the attention of all this sort of stuff, but it can't be pleasant for you to constantly talk to this girl and be told about her new boyfriend. It would make me sick. I think it's for the best that the next time you talk to her you tell her, in a gentlemanly fashion,that you've come to the end of the road with her and that friendship is out of the question after being her boyfriend. Wish her the best of luck for her future, put the phone down AND THEN DON'T CALL HER. Her respect and opinion of you will soar, and when her current walks out on her or vice versa she will not be able to resist calling you up. It's your choice tho....

[Guest]

Well put, Dave and Michelle. I am probably older than the rest of you but I have an opinion on this subject. I will always have a special place in my heart for a certain someone from my high school years. But just because I consider this person special in my life does not mean he would have made a good life partner for me. At the time I thought he was perfect for me.

I have been married for over 23 years to a wonderful man who started out as my best friend. We have been through many difficult times together. That's the key to love and successful relationships...once you get past the lust phase the reality sets in. If you don't respect or trust each other the relationship is not set in concrete.

If you are having a difficult time getting her to respond to simple questions about her feelings for you perhaps it's time to excuse yourself from the game. She sounds as if she is changing the rules to suit her needs at the moment. Does she care about you? Probably in her own way. Does that mean she would be a good life mate for you? I have my doubts.

Please don't drown yourself in this confusion. You never know when the perfect person might be right in front of you all the time..and I doubt it's the one you are stressing about.

Good luck. You are not alone and I trust that you have many nice people who care about you and your well-being as a kind human being who is ready to share a committment with the right young lady.

Muggsy