The Story of a Man

[BYOB]

My love. My desire. My dream. My illusion. Dear illusion. I'm staggering another illusion. Gag.

Don't!...stop the music

Stop!...the donut music

 

Wash, rinse, ...

 

(08-12 Edit: Another state where I felt terrible. Ha, routine. You're my worst enemy with time. I hate time. Together, they're a rampage. They're making me feel so unfulfilled that I can't stand them. Something close to haunting echoes.)

[BYOB]

Chop Suey!

 

 

Time Stop! (Won't Stop)

There's something wrong in this corner

There's too much left in disorder (You've got a psychotic disorder)

There's more crumbling than a ladder

 

Another thing to report to later

(Time's going)

It's already on monday that I'm back,

(Time's running)

There's no way but time's so wack

(Time's flying)

One more day 'till my eyes crack

(Time's knocking)

 

But I do not respond!

To,

This,

Bulsh*t of life that brings

All

my

dreams of hope to fade and dIEEE!

RAhh!

 

Time Stop! (Won't stop!)

There's something wrong in this corner

There's too much left in disorder (You've got a psychotic disorder)

There's more crumbling than a ladder

 

Another thing to report to later

(Time's going)

It's already on monday that I'm back,

(Time's running)

There's no way but time's so wack

(Time's flying)

One more day 'till my eyes crack

(Time's knocking)

 

But I do not respond!

To

This

Bulsh*t of life that brings

All

my

dreams of hope to come to die

In

this

endless Bulsh*t of life

I

cry

when my hope comes to fade and die

 

FURTHER, FURTHER, FARTHER, Oh no FATHER!

Further my mind cannot contain my body

Further! Farther!

why don't you just let me be

why can't you just let it be

my mind's working against me

making time my worst ennemy -oh!

 

all

my

life

I try to seek and mime angels

I

cry

when my hope comes to fade and die

in

my

bravous fight against time

I

cry

when I'm told angels are only lies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BYOB

 

 

 

Whoah!!!!

 

Why the fvck didn't you call me?

 

There's no drug in this white hell

where noone sings

Kneeling strings of shadow sheeps

Leaving shores of a stand

On a dirty sluggish island

Known by an ignorant man

You offender of our secretion,

Shall disgrace no one among all of us.

 

Lalalalala...ouu...

 

Where there're feelings on the floor, you do not lie a single right.

Piercing in the night you fear, you choose to deliver a sour fight.

 

giggling at their mad dogs barking,

with their collars and dry mouths,

squeaking like bragging old ducks,

you knock all intuition,

Shelters maintaining your stupid

Cries of COMFORT!

 

Dying from manly red roses,

Anger feeds you all like pepper bread.

 

Lalalalala...ouu...

 

Where there're feelings on the floor, you do not lie a single right.

Piercing in the night you fear, you choose to deliver a sour fight.

Where there're feelings on the floor, you do not lie a single right.

Piercing in the night you fear, you choose to deliver a sour fight.

 

Blast off, it's Party time,

And we all want a good time in a mansion

Blast off, it's party time,

But where the fvck are you?

 

Where the fvck are you?

Where the fvck are you?

 

Wait, shut up, just don't tell me.

Hey! Why did you not call me?

Wait, shut up, just don't tell me.

Hey! Why did you not call me?

Hey! Why did you not call me?

Hey! Why did you not call me?

(Hey! Why did you not call me?)

 

giggling at their mad dogs barking,

with their collars and dry mouths,

squeaking like bragging old ducks,

you knock all intuition,

Shelters maintaining your stupid

Cries of COMFORT!

 

Dying from manly red roses,

Anger feeds you all like pepper bread.

 

Lalalalala...ouu...

 

Where there're feelings on the floor, you do not lie a single right.

Piercing in the night you fear, you choose to deliver a sour fight.

Where there're feelings on the floor, you do not lie a single right.

Piercing in the night you fear, you choose not to deliver...

Where the fvck are you!

Where the fvck are you!

 

Wait, shut up, just don't tell me.

Hey! Why did you not call me?

Wait, shut up, just don't tell me.

Hey! Why did you not call me?

Hey! Why did you not call me?

Hey! Why did you not call me?

 

Hey! Why, didn't you just call me?

Hey! Why, didn't you just call me?

Hey! Why, didn't you just call me?

You're never calling me!

You're never calling me!

[BYOB]

What am I contemplating?

Living somewhere else, what is that? What does it mean?

Why am I contemplating such an idea now?

What will make me stay?

 

I have a problem, I think. It's not going the way I expected it to go. And everything is heading in that direction. What's going on with me? And the 'me' I used to have. Does that mean that it was all an illusion of myself? What does this new contemplation comes from?

 

(08-12 Edit: That was laziness and the wish for less. Wanting to leave in front of all that you engaged yourself to do... Much better summarized in one one: irresponsibility. That often happens. But you should definitely have taken yourself over your defeats by engaging yourself in some pleasurable activities to make you forget and move on over it faster. Well, now that it's over, take advantage of the experience and think of it as a good passage - not because it was really hard, but because it will help you bloom.)

[BYOB]

It's been a while since last time i came on here (as usual). I think I've got something great holding in my hand right now: a heart full of joy. I missed trance so much. And that wound from another rejection... I hate when it happens - more than anything else i can think of.

 

But trance music is making me feel good and alive and even though I have felt bad these days, man I feel so good right now! It's clearly a drug, haha. I don't want to get rid of it. Apple, keep producing... I want to hear it even under the shower - underwater is the way to go!

 

I just wanna live for trance... and that's it.

 

(Edit: It's crazy how of a powerful and good effect it has on me. It's only a few hours later and even after living some drama, I feel absolutely in control of my situation. I'm feeling fulfilled because I wrote. I wrote my thoughts down and I wrote enough words to be satisfied of my accomplishment.)

[BYOB]

People are foolish. Incredibly foolish. I don't know if it's because I'm of greater intelligence but I've always considered myself pretty average regarding many matters. Maybe that I am only particularly forethought and careful but I can't believe how people are unaware of their surroundings. I was watching a discussion show. And they were demonstrating how dangerous can energy drinks be.

 

Now I am not so much against the people who drinks those themselves. But after watching the show, I realised that I have learned strickly nothing from their report. It all turned around the point that drinking too many of these cans wasn't advised or drinking them at a low age was unethical but they never developed their arguments. My point follows the following questioning, then: why are there television shows like this one? Because people watches them. Why do they watch them? Because they can discuss and learn. What do they learn if everything is written on the back of each can and what are they thought other than to criticise on superficial facts. Now that's not what I would call briliant.

 

Overall, what I retain from that show is that people are prompted to argue on mathers that they have close to strickly no idea or no pertinent information to debate on which comes out to stimulate people's brain to rant basically whenever they want and against anything they have no valid opinion. What kind of world does that create? Please stop. And look around you. Become aware of your life. Please.

[BYOB]

Day after day I get the odd feeling like if I was different. I may be unique, I get that vibe that I am clearly different.

 

I get these thoughts that I am nobody other than Rambo. I know how things work in the wilderness, but when it comes to live in a civilisation, I get trouble. And I can clearly defend myself against anybody who would like to come against me although deep down, I feel alone. Why do I have to feel that way so profoundly?

 

Year after year I get that vibe that someday I might do something terrible. Like killing myself or doing a murder or whatever else. It's crazy how unhealthy my life is sometimes. And I never say anything to anybody. Not even like in a joke, but these thoughts come in my mind about once a month. And then, they're gone, only to be delayed. I'm going up and down, right and left, unable to keep control of myself. So I'm thinking that I might have a serious problem, and that it could be cured with medication, but every test that's been passed on me has proven that I had nothing special.

 

At least if I knew I wasn't normal, I would be relieved. Because I would then be certain that it ain't under my control, but it apparently is. That feeling, or thought alone makes me turn crazy. That means I am indeed responsible for what happens to me daily. For what I am, and for what I do, and for what I become. But, but - but I have no clue who I am and what I want to become! That's how I can explain that I wouldn't have any regrets or remorse if I became a murderer. I would only have proven that I can become someone. What if I have success in that path? I would at least satisfied with those. And what if I die? I don't fear death since a while.

 

But then I would like to be like anyone else too. Like any one, what does it really means? To have a girlfriend, to lead a job I am passionate of, to hold fun habits, and to be around friend who won't ditch you without warning.

 

If only did I feel capable of maintaining my studies like every other people. But there's always something that happens and puts me down, and I feel so low that I can't even take over the fall.

 

I always say that once I'm done with this grade I'm going to get something higher but I can't even see myself doing it without failing the courses a couple of times each even though it's not a matter of intelligence at all. It's much rather a matter of attitude and philosophy.

 

Overall, my attitude always change from faithful to frantic and my philosophy of life always strikes at times I see life as hard and then I start wondering why should I do anything if life is meaningless and quit everything momentarily. You'll understand that under certain crucial times, only one week can mean a whole semester of school.