Attraction or some undefined something- I need help

[angeliamce]

Basically been talking to this 38 year guy with full custody of 8 year old and join6 t custody of a 8 month old w/ ex girlfriend. We talked on phone for 7 months- deep conservations and sexual before we ever met face to face. In July, I went to his house met him and we had sex- we kissed, great sex. He didn't call me and I realized that he porbably thought I was easy because it didn't count the 7 months talking on the phone- I basically had a one night stand. Then we started talking again- we had sex 2 more times over the next month- then he shares that he always wants us to be friends, etc. then he just wants oral the next two times we are together- he explains that I get emotional when it comes to sex and he is not available. Him not wanting a relationship was clearly established after the first time we had sex. Through the help of this site- I broke it off for him for 6 days, then he called and I thought we will just be friends. I will date and get him out of my system- because he shared that he needs fireworks and he doesn't feel fireworks with me. Then around 3 weeks age there was another girl "friend" at his house he explained that he had told her the same thing and I thought he is a total con. But, I was helping with some business deal and I had a large sum of money coming to me that was his. So, I couldn't break contact- but I went out the next night with some friends and one of the guys in our group started talking- he super sexy and I like him- we have been talking and texting daily- he is ten years younger than me. We have went out the last couple of weekends. But Friday night the guy with the kids asked me to watch the baby so he could take his other child camping and hunting. I love the baby and said yes this new guy knew I was babysitting but I gave no details. Here my question: currently 3 guys call and text me daily- all three really think they have feelings for me- the guy I really like just wants to be my friend. What should I do?? I know that I am basically using these guys to keep my mind busy. Could my friend really like me?? or should I totally give up?? Also is there an understanding that one only talks to one guy at a time- because I don't guys do that. I just dont want to be left with no one.

[Zackinlaw]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I think it's pretty obvious that you will never be more than "friends with benefits" to the guy with kids. He has told you already that he doesn't feel the level of chemistry needed to sustain a romantic relationship; he has told you that he doesn't want a romantic relationship with you; and he has told you (and the other woman) that he has no plans to be exclusive.

 

You call it a "con," but I don't really understand what you mean by that. It seems like he has done nothing but be straight with you about his "in person" feelings toward you and where you fit into his relationship plans. He is being honest, he is just not giving you the answer that you would have preferred.

 

As to having meaningless relationships with the other men out of boredom and loneliness ... I think you have to be as honest with them as the kids guy was with you. Being rejected romantically is not nearly as bad as being led on.

 

Zack.

[Batya33]

I think you should stop dating and/or having sex with your buddies and work on why you treat yourself with disrespect.

[May_It_Be]

First guy? Total reprobate. He should be castrated.

 

How do you really feel, May?

[angeliamce]

You call it a "con," but I don't really understand what you mean by that. It seems like he has done nothing but be straight with you about his "in person" feelings toward you and where you fit into his relationship plans. He is being honest, he is just not giving you the answer that you would have preferred.

 

Why- not totally honest. Because I everytime I try to pull away- he starts with how friendship leads to the most wonderful, lasting relationships...I know that there is no future in this. Or he is going to wait so long that the feelings will be tainted by all this stuff.

 

I am pulling back- nc w/ my "friend". Of course he will call when he needs me for something. I am going to try not to call back.

 

My question- If you are not having sex and just talking- is there a need to tell guys your talking to more than one, if there is no understanding of a relationship?? I don't want to tell them because I don't like the feeling you are trying to make the guy jealous.

 

I just know this thing with the friend has really hurt me. Its not love if it isn't mutal- but, I really thought it was.

 

 

thanks

[Batya33]

i don't see how it was inappropriate of him to tell you his views on friends first. You weren't obligated to go along with that if that didn't work for you. If a man is not asking me out and just wants to hook up I don't feel led on - he's not asking me out. Neither did your guy.

 

Unless I establish with someone that I am exclusive with him I assume he is open to meeting others and so am I. No details necessary - none of his business. I am not sure what you mean by "talking" - I talk to many men - friends, acquaintances, colleagues - and I am in an exclusive relationship. If you mean talking with the intention of trying to date the person that's not "talking" - that's heavy flirting and no I don't heavily flirt with other men when I have an exclusive boyfriend. Exclusive boyfriend means you promise not to date others, whether or not intercourse is involved, and trying to get a date is going down the wrong path.

 

No, you don't need to tell someone you're not dating exclusively that you are open to meeting other people - it's assumed.

 

One suggestion - it sounds like all this "talking" is leading you to casual hooking up, which doesn't seem to make you happy. Why not focus instead on men who don't consider "talking" a stage of dating but rather ask you out on a date and act more than they "talk."