Just about 3 months....

[Bigyort]

Hey i really need some help, my ex broke up with me 3 months ago, and i still think about her all the time, and as of recently i found out for those 3 months i was trying to stay in contact, trying to visit her, buy her things, and ya know that really didnt work, she says she needs space and time, but we can still be friends, the funny thing is we both play world of warcraft, and were in the same guild for people who know what im talking about also the fact that im main tank and shes main healer for our core group.. none the less, the other day she actually wrote me an email saying if i kept pushing for a relationship we couldnt even be friends, but she values my friendship, she said we could never be lovers again, and then i wrote her back saying that i dont care anymore, and i would stop, and now she wont stop talking to me, im confused, can anyone help me figure this out, thanks

[rootcause43]

Well, it sounds like she wants to be friends with you at a minimum.

 

You stopped pushing the "more than friends" relationship as she requested and now she doesn't feel the stress you were giving her by your pursuit as a lover. She said she wanted space and you're finally giving it to her as she requested all along.

 

I don't think she is sending mixed signals. She said she wants to be friends and now is communicating with you like one. If you can deal with being friends, then congratulations. But if you want more, then you may need to do the dreaded NC everyone speaks about to get over her.

 

Don't take her frequent communications to mean she wants to reconcile BUT maybe there is a chance (in the future) she'll change her mind. But right now you have to back off and stay in your "whatever" mode and just be a friend like she wants (if you can deal with it).

 

But if you start pressing things again ....

[Josh07]

It has been about 2 months since my ex and I broke up and I know exactly how you feel to a point. We went no contact the entire 2 months, then I tried contacting her and ended up talking to her on AIM for about an hour. She held firm in staying just friends with me. Honestly, that's not what I wanted to hear, it made me break down and I've been an emotional wreck since.

 

I realize that she very well may be over me and doesn't want to be reminded at all about me. She's making new friends at college and I am trying to do the same. I told her that I guess it's nothing wrong with me and her being just friends and that I think I can deal with that, even though I am not able to, I just lied to her to make her feel better.

 

I'm going to give it some time, try not to talk to her at all, focus on my school work and make the grades I need. Then I think I might try and talk to her during either Thanksgiving or Christmas break, when there's not so much on the both of us with school, maybe then we can talk together in person.

 

I pray every day to God that he can help me correct the mistakes that I have made and that he can make me into a better individual. I also pray that he makes sure that she is happy and that everything will continue to go well for her. I just keep holding on for that last hope inside that maybe me and her can eventually talk and make up, making a new and better relationship between the two of us. Only time will tell, and I have no other choice but to wait it out. I have realized what I must do, even though I don't want to. I've realized how much closer I've been coming to God in the past few months because of this, and it makes me feel much better to go to church and get things off my mind, but that's just my view point.

 

I hope you work out everything and you are happy.

 

Good luck!

[Disillusion]

Your situation sounds very similar to the one I'm going through..my ex broke up with me about 2 months ago after almost 5 years together and I understand about the WoW thing. I got her into playing it while we were still together (actually a couple of weeks before we broke up)..tried LC but we are also in the same guild (I'm the guild master) and she would always initiate contact in the game. I'd keep it friendly with her and even liked that I had someone in real life to play the game with as most of my friends think its nerdy (whatever). So she has now stopped playing for a couple of weeks now and it sucks because now I can't play without getting sad or missing her. She took the one thing that was a fun escape for me and ruined it

 

Anyway, as far as your situation goes, I would go NC or very limited LC, if you feel that just being her friend might be a problem. It's better that way so you don't get hurt later on. I think what she is doing resembles that push/pull thing that I think Superdave has posted about. The more you pull away, the more she tries to contact. I wouldn't bring up the relationship anymore, if she wants you back, she'll let you know.

 

Good Luck!

[selkie]

1 Stop playing warcrack.

2 Vanish on her for a looong time

3 Venture out into the real world offline