Advice on divorce and if I have the right to do what I did

[Israel70]

ok... I'm only 19, my wife is 18. we got married about a year and a half ago. I'm also on active duty and just got back from deployment and I relocated to california. My son has been in the hospital for awhile (he just received a liver transplant, which if you want to know he's doing great). I've been waiting a couple of months so that she can move to California with me but she was hesitating for some reason. My thoughts were that she was having an affair. I went there for two weeks and she completely changed, she didn't spend much time with me and it felt like to me that she didnt love me as much as I used to. I knew something was up.

 

she started talking to one of her guy friends, I told her I didn't feel comfortable with this guy because I knew he licked her and I told her not to talk to him. this was about a month ago and she had been talking to him for a couple of months. a couple of days ago, I got it out of her that she has feelings for someone else. Yesterday she admitted to me that it was him. She told me she loved me and that she loves him as well a couple of days ago.

 

Yesterday she hung out with him, and she told me that they decided to be just friends and she was still thinking about "us". I'm thinking the only way to deal with this is divorce. She also admitted to me that they had kissed once, she says they never had sex and that they are just friends now. she's lied to me so much lately that I don't know wether to believe her or not. I'm heart broken and I feel like crap and she's been using up the money on our account, buying meals for two, a motel charge, lots of gas (over 100$ so far this month and going) and yet she seems to have excuses for everyone of them. I dont know if she's telling the truth or not. She staying with her family for now and I am going there next weekend. What should I do about this ?

 

if you need more details, just ask! any help would be great

[Gilgamesh]

I do think something is fishy here, even if she didnt do anything, she knows this guy is interested in her, and out of love or at least respect for you, she should know better then to hang out with him.

 

Those hotel rooms, and receipts and stuff, is very suspicious, Id wouldnt say do something as drastic as a divorce just yet, you need to have a serious talk with her, and tell her that if she is not gonna put some commitment into the relationship, then its over.

 

Im really sorry this thing happened to you, it really doesnt look good from here, but good luck.

[avman]

I agree with Gilgamesh, something is very fishy although divorce might be too drastic at this point.

 

You mentioned being on active deployment and thats really tough on the spouse. That doesn't justify what she did, but I can see where having you gone for LONG periods would make her think. Its time for a serious talk and some serious counseling to determine if the relationship is worth saving. Do YOU want to save it? I didn't hear you say that you still loved her.

 

One suggestion, get your own accounts and credit cards and close the joint ones. That will head off the "she took all the money and ran off with the other guy" problem. Getting that money back is nearly impossible and you have already seen signs of a potential problem there.

[Cid]

Try to talk to her about every thing that is going on and if that douse not work then you must do what is best and leave her. I hate to say that but some times it must be done.

[Israel70]

well, I guess I didn't say everything about it and I am leaving out some details that may make a difference. When I went there after deployment, I went a day earlier than I was supposed to and I drove from San Diego to Salt Lake. As soon as I got there, my wife had plans to go clubing but wouldn't let me go with her. it wasn't just her sister though, it was a girls night out. Yet one of the girls was taking her boyfriend so it wasn't that I had a problem with the girls night out, just that I thought something was going on and it didn't seem like a girls night out. Not only that she doesn't hang out with her sister very much until recently, they used to hate each other and all of the sudden they are buddies. I don't have a problem with that, it's just that her sister is friends with the guy she's seeing.

 

She also said I have been too controlling, she doesnt give specific details but says I wouldn't let her go clubing and go to a concert with some friends. tonight is her deadline. she agreed to tell me today wether she wants to be with me or not but I don't know wether that will make a difference or not since I will probably never have the same trust with her as before. she will tell me tonight by 6pm what she wants to do and I'll post it tonight so everyone knows what's going on.

 

Also this weekend (Halloween weekend) I'm going to fly over there to pick up my car, I know she wont be able to take it in court (or at least that's what I told her) because the vehicle's titile is under my Mom's name yet the loan is out under my name and my Mom hasn't singed the title yet so I might wait until this thing is over so I can keep the car and not have to split it.

 

Please keep giving me some feedback, I still want to know what you guys think and I was asked if I still loved her. And to tell you the truth, I do but I don't have much hope for our relationship since I will always be more watchful over her and never have the same trust as we did before.

[Gilgamesh]

This new info just seems to confirm more to me that her heart isnt into you.

 

You were gone for a long time, come back, and all she wants to do is go clubbing? and yes, she could have taken you like you said because another girl (that does care for her man) brought him along.

 

Why wouldnt your wife want to spend some time with you after you have been gone so long?

 

you may be right about what you said, and the divorce, I dont believe this woman loves you anymore. thats just my feeling.