JadedStar Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 I don't think your stance on monogamy is affecting your friend situation. I think social anxiety is, though. Well bulletproof I respectfully disagree. I think if we are really honest here a lot of women would be put off by that. Society is way more liberal today than it was several decades ago but most people for the most part are still fairly conservative in the arena of sex, particularly people in monogamous relationships. I think tihs probably is and will be a challenge for her but not something that cannot be overcome. She just needs to find more likeminded people which she probably has had a difficult time doing thus far. Link to comment
Lucy_lou Posted October 30, 2007 Author Share Posted October 30, 2007 I don't think your stance on monogamy is affecting your friend situation. I think social anxiety is, though. Well bulletproof I respectfully disagree. I think if we are really honest here a lot of women would be put off by that. Society is way more liberal today than it was several decades ago but most people for the most part are still fairly conservative in the arena of sex, particularly people in monogamous relationships. I think tihs probably is and will be a challenge for her but not something that cannot be overcome. She just needs to find more likeminded people which she probably has had a difficult time doing thus far. I think both my stance on monogamy and social anxiety are the problem, and who knows what else. As it is, I pay far more attention to girls than guys anyway. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 I think both my stance on monogamy and social anxiety are the problem, and who knows what else. As it is, I pay far more attention to girls than guys anyway. I do agree your social anxiety WILL play a part and yes, also your sexuality if it is as overt as you say. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 LL, I wanted to PM you but it doesn't appear that I can? Could you make it possible? It's just an idea I have for you... Link to comment
Lucy_lou Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 You're right about me being better off amongst gayer, more liberal crowds. As for going to gay bars. I would, but I int got friends to go with. (catch 22) Well I read on another post that you have guy friends where you have admitted attraction and the g/f then doesn't want them hanging out with you anymore. I can honestly say if you do this a lot, you are not going to get a huge array of friends. The men are going to be leary of hanging wtih you so as to not tick off their g/f s and the g/f's are not going to be too happy with you either. The old advice about me being a hussy are sinking in. I've found this feedback extreemely valuable. It must seem so naieve that I would think that I could will away the monogamous culture which pervades our society. But that's what I've done. Because I've never had many friends to talk to about this (let alone those blunt enough to tell me the truth) I've gone on through the years without giving much thought to the fact that I may have upset people. I've just been going over it in my head today, it's been quite emotional. Thinking about people who I've loved and respected, who I then slept with, and who are no longer interested in being friends with me now. It hurts that I may possibly be seen as this evil boyfriend stealer hussy. I was just naieve and stupid. I loved them, adored them, and definietely wanted to be friends with them. Maybe I would still be if I'd....no I don't know how to hide attraction. I know how to hold back and not flirt, but I don't know how to lie, or act. I feel ashamed. and just the other day, I did something that may have appeared that I was being deceiptful again. These two girls who are really close (not a couple, but maybe a bit more than just buddies), and I am a bit friends with them both, but I can only hack talking to each of them one on one. I feel really uncomfortable relating to them both at the same time, because I am still working up to a level of trust with each of them. I saw them together and didn't want to disturb them, but when one of the girls left, I talked to the girl remaining, and when her friend came back, I chatted only briefly and then went off. It might have seemed like I was trying to move in on her girl. If it weren't for the discussion on this thread, it wouldn't have even occurred to me that I might be percieved in this way. Now I'm being more cautious. And wondering if she's pissed at me. Another thing which doesn't help with my rep. I wear predominantly black. (just do). I read in a book on appropriate work attire, that it is bad for women to wear mostly black, as it can mark them as being seen as a femme fatale. more crosses against my name. It's so easy to be misunderstood. I just want to be loved Link to comment
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