Should I care this much?

[duck]

I feel so alone all the time, and I think about suicide several times a day. It's become my preferred answer to every single nasty situation that I find myself in, just because it seems so much easier than dealing with the constant void of rejection and disappointment, and even though I know that I'll never actually have the balls to go ahead with it.

 

I'm twenty-six now, and I've been experiencing the same emotional difficulties since I was about fourteen years of age. It's almost like I was built for a completely diffierent world or something 0X , because it seems as though I've never really felt like a proper person at all.

 

Most other people appear able to cope with their love-lives far more easily than I ever could. When they're through with one person, they move on to the next, and they never get unduly upset over the trifling little flings that often mean so little to either of the people involved.

 

And I wish I could be like that. I wish I was just a complete a***hole who didn't care about anyone, but instead it's like I can't help investing far too much in every new relationship that comes along (although there have been VERY few, which is possibly part of the problem).

 

I didn't so much as hold hands with a woman for about two and a half years following the only serious girlfriend I've ever really had, until about three weeks ago when I met someone who seemed really nice and a little bit less likely to mess me around like all the others.

 

But now she's obviously losing interest, and it's back to the same stinking death-void that I've been trapped in all my life, when I genuinely thought that just maybe she'd be my way out, and that I could feel like a real-life person for a change.

 

I constantly want to speak to her, to phone her and to arrange to see her, but she doesn't seem to want to be bothered with me any more.

 

She was the one who did all the initial 'chasing', and I've done my very best to give her the personal space that everybody needs from time to time. I've been phoning her pretty much every day, but never more frequently, so that perhaps she won't think I'm too eager or a niusance or whatever.

 

Now it seems like everything is going wrong for me again. I feel really hurt and as though I've just come out of a serious relationship even though I know it all started only a matter of weeks ago. All the nasty feelings that I used to live with have come back, and once again I feel like I'm the only one that cares about anything, and that I'm always the tragic half of the couple who can't seem to let go.

 

I'm so sick of feeling this way; of feeling pathetic and unwanted, and basically just like a toy that gets played around with and then discarded.

 

I have lots of really good friends, and I get along with pretty much everyone, so I don't think I can be all that bad. It's just that I really need somebody special in my life who can make me feel special too.

 

On the surface, everything's fine. People say that I'm a nice guy, but I personally think that when women look a bit deeper they find out that I don't have much going on.

 

But should I care? Do other people care? WOULD other people care if they were in my situation?

 

Or would I be doing people a favour by avoiding relationships and never bothering them in the first place?

[siefer]

hi, Im 17 and I know you wont take this seriously because of my age, but when I read your post, I felt as though I typed it. I can relate to everything you said. Its a terrible feeling. You feel all nostalgic inside and think about all the things that were. Feel guilt and regrets thinking I should've done this. You just become so stuck and hurt by the past that it slows you down and you cant keep up with whats going on right now. Im only 17 and think about suicide literally 3-5 times a day. It seems like such a peaceful way to go, but like you, I dont think Id be able to go through with it. Im going through what you're going through right now. If anyone has advice for us, please give it. I just wanted you know that you're not alone. I thought I was before I read your post, but it gave me a nice comfort to know there are others like me. That's why Im responding, Im hoping to give you the same kind of comfort.

[kseyerlein]

There is no one in this world worth killing yourself over. I was 16 when I lost the one I loved by a drunk driver with no brakes hitting him as he crossed the street while I was watching. There was nothing I could do. That was by a truck driver working for a Trucking company that ended up selling itself to another trucking company due to the law suits against it for not checking out their trucks and repairing them even after being informed of needed repairs and fines paid. I felt like it was the end of my world. Then I remembered that I had to not only go one for myself but for the loved one I lost and for the future love that would come my way. I am glad to say I am happily married. We have no kids but we are more than enough for each other to handle as well as two pet birds.

I had gone through therapy and had to take anti-depressents but I worked hard at developing just friends and steered clear of relationships for a while. I have found the guy I love best and I am glad he is here everyday and we argue like it is going out of style but we make up and change whatever it was that caused the problem. We both came from bad relationships and we both worked out what it was about us that caused a problem in the old relationship to be ready for the new one. One thing don't smother the other to make them leave to breathe. Love is not clingy it is a sharing and caring. Love is not jealous and doesn't need to make jealous. Love is tender, kind, and understanding. Love will even give up the loved one to make the loved on happy instead of holding them to make itself happy.

So let them go get on with your life day by day. Improvbe yourselves. Make friends and do things with them. Bowling, camping, fishing, ball games, etc. Just to get out and start doing things. If nothing else do volunteer work at your local Salvation army or other community charitible facility. It will take the focus off of you and put it on those that have even less than a love. They have no means of support and care as well as a lot of them have no loved ones. There are so many homeless children, women and men who are in need and theirs is hanging in the balance of life and death at times due to hunger and need of medications. The best love is the love of friendship and brotherly love. The kind that must be present first even in a relationship before a relationship can grow and stay to become more.

[duck]

Hiya, it's me again!

 

Just wanted to thank you both for taking the time to reply. I found your thoughts really comforting, and you've helped me put things back in perspective a little bit.

 

It's nice to know that I'm not the only person who feels this way, or at least to the extent that I don't feel so much of a weirdo now, coz I wouldn't wish sadness of this sort on anyone. It sometimes gets really horrible though, thinking you're the only one out there and everything, and so I'm very glad that you understand how I feel.

 

I take the point about there being people in situations much worse than my own, but I suppose I just find it difficult to see past my own circumstances sometimes, if you know what I mean. I've certainly never lost any loved ones to death, not even family members, but I know how I'll feel when the inevitable does happen, and so I guess you're right about finding a new focus for myself and I realise that I should maybe try and enjoy the good things in my life while they're all still here.

 

You've both helped me feel just that little bit better about my situation, and I sincerely wish you all the best with the rest of your lives. I'm glad to hear that my topic has helped to make you feel better, siefer, however slightly that might be, because we all know how sh***y things can seem when we feel all alone.

 

Thanks again .