confusedmale Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Hey everyone, Last yr I moved out with 2 of my very good friends. It was a fun living situation and then out of nowhere myself and one of my roomates, started dating. In this time, we've had a lot of ups and downs, mainly when it comes to the future. For example, when I was looking for my own place, she was extremely upset that I didnt want her to move in with me. She didnt understand how I wanted to live on my own and kept saying things like "You're gonna break up w/ me as soon as you move out aren't you?" What would make someone think that? Now more and more, she wants security in the relationship and keeps bringing up engagement and babies. Now, I want all those things, but im 25 and still working on my career. When I tell her these things, she thinks im making excuse after excuse. The other problem is her cats. She has 2 cats, who at the moment live w/ me b/c her parents wont let her bring them there. She promised me she would be staying at her parents for just a month and then she'd take them. Now, she's telling me shes not moving out for awhile and has asked I take care of them. I told her no, and she (ironically enough) just texted me saying "Get rid of the cats, I can't afford them." She's just saying this in frustration and anger but I want to help her any way I cant seem to get through to her. How can I get through to her and have her believe me? pls help CM Link to comment
Xetra Dax Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Well the cats shouldn't become the victim of the quarrels between the two of you, please take care of them, not because she asked you to do that, but because cats cannot fight for its own rights and are completely at the mercy of their owners, yes you are not responsible for them, but these cats are more then just beautifull animals , they symbolize exactly what is going wrong with your relationship. In two words: Emotional detachment. You are emotionally detached from her, and her cats, but not only that , i dare say you are emotionally distant towards anything that violates your personal space and convienance. A womans ideal = being together. -engagement -marriage -babies thats what a woman wants. she was extremely upset that I didnt want her to move in with me. That comment is exactly thereforeeee what would drive any woman up against the wall: A relationship in which where the two of you are separated. Or in other words: You should have NEVER gone into a relationship(If you would have been planning on putting your career before her) Because that's exactly what you did. Career > GF = wrong Your girlfriend = Nr.1 : in your life. That should ALWAYS be the case, and if that's not the case then *POOF* end of relationship. So here's my advice. NEVER go into a relationship if you do not have the time/space to be with your partner. Afteral if your not together, you might as wel consider yourself separated. And this is the mistake that you made AKA going into a relationship while you were pursuading a carreer. In terms of dedication , You can and should only do 1 THING at the time. Its not that its bad or that im condemming you to have done something wrong, but its just important that you realise the above. Carreer v.s Relationship From here on its what you want, you can only have one of the above, carreer or relationship, that's totally up to you. If i where you id establish myself a carreer first, and enter a relationship later, or find a suitable combination between work and love. The being alone in a relationship = impossible. Otherwhise everyone could date themselves and be happy with it. Its a really strange situation you created. A true relationship is about being together and giving eachother personal love. Its not an on-off switch that you can turn on or off at your convienance its a permanent thing, that requires permanent maintanance. I think you should throughoutly realise that. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Why is she at her parents? How serious are you about the relationship? I can't speak for other people, but imo wanting engagement and planning children after what, less than a year together, that's a bit quick really. I think the biggest thing here is that you have a mismatch of expectations. She wants commitment and wants it now, while you are still at the stage where you want commitment but not all of it at once. Tbh, she seems like a bit of a drama queen, and while I don't think you shouldn't look after the cats (who didn't do anything wrong here) I think she's being a bit manipulative about them. As an owner she should have been more prepared in the arrangements for them. Link to comment
Jayar Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 A true relationship is about being together and giving eachother personal love. Its not an on-off switch that you can turn on or off at your convienance its a permanent thing, that requires permanent maintanance. I think you should throughoutly realise that. I could not agree more with Xetra Dax! If I was in your GF's position, I'd feel insecure too. But I wouldn't pout about it. I would just assume we weren't on the same page, and end the relationship. Link to comment
Entropy Smith Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Just take the cats to the vet and pay the fee. People do it all the time. Give her some notice in case she really wants them and then break up with her. In my opinion, females with cats are a POTENTIAL red flag. I even made a thread on it. Link to comment
Momene Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 If I was in an established relationship with someone who wanted their own place but didn't want me to move in, it would be a huge red flag to me. This is how you come accross to her. Sorry if it upsets you. Link to comment
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