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wrong choices for leader type?


Realitybites
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I have always been someone committed to my own personal growth. I am just fascinated by using all my potential. Been through more in life than most, and I've learned a lot.

My problem is I think intellectually I am on one level, and emotionally when it comes to the opposite sex maybe on a slightly different one.

I am a leader type. I truly enjoy inspiring my team at work, for instance, and judging from the feedback I get from my employees, I am pretty good at it. They describe me as strong-willed, demanding but fair, supportive, and fine-tuned to how people feel. I am goal-oriented but not pushy. (am on a management course to improve these skills even more).

 

My (very common?) problem is: I think I intimidate men, and I often find myself making myself "smaller" in relationships. I also unfortunately still fall for the sensitive, creative guy (due partly to my job, as well). They also are often a bit insecure. They often end up being afraid of conflict with me, and well, disappear. I work real hard on not needing to win, and I honestly don't need to. I guess I give off too much self-confidence. I know I'm neither bossy nor pushy, but I do know what I want.

I am strong-willed. But there's nothing I enjoy more than a good debate. I often hope for someone to prove me wrong, for me it's an opportunity to learn things.

Can men be sensitive, creative - and unafraid? Or am I demanding too much?

What should I be working on in myself?

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First thought that comes to mind, yes, I would have thought that sensitive, creative and self-confident men do exist. Having said that, from the poeple I know, I can understand that quite often the first two qualities don't always seem to go hand in hand with the third. For example, I tend to be that way, sensitive, creative, low on self confidence.

 

But maybe I've got it a bit wrong there. Is self-confidence the same as not being afraid of a good debate? Ah, there's a topic for a good debate!!

 

There's nothing wrong with a good debate, particularly an intellectual one btween intelligent people, as long as both involved are fair, and can see the other's viewpoint, and are not just plain stubborn.

 

I think the important thing is to make it known that at the end of the debate, you bear no ill will, grudges, or what have you. That's the scary part for some poeple, believing that they actually are wrong, that they feel personally slighted or attacked because something they thought was one way turned out to be another.

 

What does all that mean? Maybe all it means is that you just have to make it clear that a debate is exactly that, a debate, a healthy exchange of ideas. Make sure your sensitive and possibly creative side come out after so whoever you are with gets the full picture.

 

Maybe working on your own sensitivity and creativity is something you can try doing. Possibly go as far as to take a course in something you never would have otherwise thought of such as pottery making, or something similar to see what's there, and to develop that side of you.

 

Don't just stick with the intellectual and mental aspects of your character, work on all of it. You're a complete person, seek a balance of the various things in your life.

 

If you become a well rounded person, not that you're not necessarily already, but I suspect you don't quite feel you are, I think you'll find men appear to be nowhere intimidated as you feel they are now.

 

Good luck

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