About the letting go of the anger thing - I can't

[Batya33]

I still believe you are not distinguising feelings (which we cannot really control and which of course are "valid" no matter what unless you are a psychopath or similar which you very clearly are not) from reactions to feelings, which you can control. You may not be able to get rid of the angry feelings but you can control how you react to those angry feelings inside of you.

 

 

I understand that you had a 7 month serious relationship and that you two were talking marriage. I understand that you have feelings of anger about how he treated you and how his family treated you. In my opinion, by constantly allowing yourself to dwell on the anger and feel sorry for yourself, you are impeding the healing process.

 

My speculation is that you are doing that because it is easier than healing and then having to risk again, maybe because you get more attention when you tell your friends the details over and over again (I know you complained that you didn't like being asked, but I read between the lines and it seemed to me if you didn't like it you either would have changed the subject or not been with those friends).

 

I also think you should reconsider - strongly - your part in this and your decision to get involved with this man and his family, your decision to take things at the pace you did (again not saying that is wrong - obviously people marry after knowing each other less than 7 months) but it is a risk to take things that fast. You took that risk, you decided to turn your life upside down for him after a relatively short time and you had a good time being in love so for you the risk was worth it. But it was a choice - no one forced you, right?

 

If you walk away insisting that you were the victim, you had no responsibility for any of the choices to get involved, then in future relationships, that patttern will recur - you will not take the time to get to know someone over time, you will insist you are just following your heart and "can't help it' and then when it doesn't work out you will be the angry victim again. Doesn't sound very healthy to me and not the most mature way to run your life.

 

I suggest you read the book by Walter Berland, Out of the Box For Life- it speaks to exactly the issue you are facing - how to react to feelings of anger in a healthy way.

[istillluvu06]

Not only do I have anger with myself, him. I have tremendous guilt over this. It's eating away at me.

I'm so stuck and have no clue what to do, feel like I'm headed for a nervous breakdown cause I don't know how to forgive myself.

Feel like such a bad person and don't really think I'll get over this.

Have no clue what steps to even take next, as I am lost in a hurricane of emotions!!